Never Again
by jstarrh
Summary: Bella and Edward have a past that she is desperately trying to move on from. Five years after they go their seperate ways they are reunited. Can she forgive the past to rekindle what they once had or is the past too painful to overcome?
1. Mistakes

**_A/N - A little something I wrote for Nina's contest._**

**"I'm a Cocktease or Twat Tease"**

**A Twilight Teasing Story Contest**

Title: Never Again

Rating: M

Pairing: Edward/Bella

Vampire or Human: Human

The snow was falling, wet and heavy around us. I looked out the car window and it seemed eerily silent outside. The sky was getting darker and it the road almost appeared to be glowing as the snow stuck to it. I was getting worried but even that worry wouldn't force me to talk to the person beside me. I determinedly looked out the window, refusing to make any contact that wasn't absolutely necessary.

"Bella," it had been so long since I had heard him say my name. I had dreamed of it for forever but now it almost hurt too much to actually have it happen.

"What?" I turned to look at him, trying to not stare at his profile or to look at his long fingers as they gripped the steering wheel. Tried in vain to not remember how those very fingers felt as they had touched every inch of my body. He always knew exactly what to do to me. Shaking my head slightly I waited for his response.

"The weather is getting pretty bad, I don't know if we will make it all the way. We may need to try to find a place to stay," that was the most he had said to me in the five weeks since we had been reacquainted. His voice went straight through me and I just closed my eyes.

"Okay," of course this was the most I had said to him in the same amount of time. I avoided him at all costs, he brought back far too memories and that never ended anywhere good. Yet here we were, stuck in a car together on the way to a meeting that couldn't be avoided. Believe me, I had tried.

He just simply nodded and guided the car off the freeway and into the only hotel parking lot in a 30 mile radius. As soon as the car stopped I ran into the small office to try and get a room. I saw him shake his head. He had been headed to my side of the car to open my door for me. I knew and expected this and that is why I had bolted. I didn't want him to do anything nice for me, to even do anything for me outside of what was required for this trip. Even that much contact was going to be trying for me.

I got into the office and shook the snow off of my hair. The parking lot had been packed so I was a bit worried about my chances of getting a room but was mentally crossing my fingers. The clerk smiled at me as I approached the desk.

"Hello, I want to know if you have any rooms available tonight." I gave him my best smile, hoping that this would help me get what I wanted.

"You're in luck. There is one room left." It took a second for the words to fully register. One room, only one room? Edward walked in the door right at that moment. Snow stuck to his errant locks. I suddenly had to urge to walk over to him and push the strands off his forehead but we had passed that point a long time ago.

"One room," Edward looked at me and I could see the fear mirrored in his eyes. "Is there another hotel close by that we can check?" Well it was nice to know that he didn't want this as badly as I did. Still a small piece of my heart hurt with that knowledge.

"No, I'm sorry, with the storm everything around here is booked up. We are the only place for miles and they are about to close down the highway," well there you had it. We were stuck, together.

"Okay, we will take it," he answered for both of us. Not consulting me at all, I should have expected this. He had never consulted me for any of the important decisions when we were one why would he do it now. He pushed his credit card to the clerk and filled out the paper work. I dug through my purse and wrote him a check for my half. "Don't be silly Bella," he shook his head at me. Of course, that was me, always silly.

"I insist," I pushed it his way. "I do not need any favors from you," I left the suddenly cramped office and stood outside to wait for him. The snow fell onto me as I looked up into the sky and barely registered. It melted instantly from the heat that was radiating from my face.

I heard the tinkling of the bell as the office door opened and he stepped into the night. He walked to the car and removed the bags from the trunk and I took mine from his hands. I wanted his fingers nowhere near anything that belonged to me. He no longer needed to take care of me. I was entirely capable of surviving on my own. He had seen to that quite thoroughly.

My bag in my hands I began to walk and then realized I didn't know what room we were in so I was forced to wait for him.

"This way," he led me down the long hall and stopped at the elevator and pressed the button. The only sound that you could hear was the snow falling to the ground. We didn't speak and we didn't look at each other. It was bad enough that we would be forced to stay in a room together; it didn't mean I had to speak to him too. I walked in quickly when the elevator arrived. He followed behind me and pressed another button. I watched his hand as he placed it back at his side. His hands were the one thing that I really missed. They were strong and yet delicate at the same time. He used to run them down through my hair, down my neck and then down my side until he reached my waist. He would then link them behind my back and pull me close to him before his lips met mine. His lips…I had forced myself to suppress those memories because some things were far too painful to subject myself to.

Not realizing that I had zoned out I jumped when he cleared his throat to get my attention. Hurrying out of the elevator I followed him to our room. I waited behind him as he unlocked the door and almost laughed when he turned on the light. Of course, this was always my luck. One bed! Someone out there really did hate me.

"I'll sleep on the floor," he stated simply before we had even stepped foot in the door.

Another nod in his direction and I entered the room and set my luggage on the bed. I was starving but would rather knaw off my own arm than eat with him so I said nothing. Instead I went into the bathroom in desperate need of some privacy, if only for a few moments. I splashed water on my face and leaned my hands on the counter while looking in the mirror.

_You can do this…you can do this._

Patting my face dry I took a deep breath and faced him again. He was sitting on the chair by the phone looking through the phone book.

"They have no food here so I thought we could try to order something," I nodded again. He knew what I liked so I didn't really need to offer any input on the situation. After several failed phone calls it was clear that everything was shut down for the storm so he went and hit the vending machines. Nothing said dinner like a package of cheese crackers washed down with a Sprite. For dessert who could resist peanut m&m's? It wasn't gourmet by any means but it got the job done.

We sat in silence, the sound of the television filling the room. I finished my dinner, if you could call it that, and went into the bathroom to wash up and change. I took the extra blankets and pillow from the closet and set it down on the chair while Edward was in the bathroom. I then got into bed quickly and closed my eyes before he was out. I could hear him setting up the blankets and the pillow, he turned off the television and then stretched out on the ground.

He tossed and turned, sighed and then tossed and turned some more. I know the floor can't be very comfortable but I am torn about what to do. The right thing would be to offer to share the bed with him but I don't know if I can handle having him in such close proximity. As he sighs and turns again I know that even I am not that heartless and so I clear my throat and then speak.

"You can come up here if you want, stick to your side though," I scoot over and say no more. I don't dare to look at his face in the moonlight that is streaming through the room but stare at the wall as if it holds all the answers that I have been searching for.

"Thank you," he whispers and I can feel the bed shift as his weight descends upon it. I stiffen my body to keep from turning into him and squeeze my eyes shut. I wish there was something I could do about my nose though as his scent fills the air around me. Slightly musky, slight woodsy but all Edward. I had forgotten how amazing that smell was. A single tear fell from my eye and landed on my pillow as I remembered the last time we had been in a bed together.

"Bella?" My body trembled at the sound of my name on his lips yet again. I never wanted to hear it again and yet I knew I could never hear it enough.

"Goodnight," I buried my head into my pillow and at some point drifted into a restless sleep.

I woke suddenly when I felt arms wrap around me. He was pulling me closer to him, snuggling his head into my shoulder the way he had used to. His face looked so peaceful that I didn't fight to free myself. I closed my eyes again and for the first time in a long time I fell into a restful sleep.

My dreams began almost instantaneously, the way they always do when I am exhausted. We were in bed together, the sunlight streaming across our naked bodies. I was on my back and he was over me, staring deep into my eyes, whispering words of love to me. Reaching my hands out I used his hair to pull him towards me, his lips met mine, hot and wet. Opening my mouth to him he used his tongue to explore it, to taste me. I moaned into his mouth and pushed my body up against his.

My body responded instantly as our skin touched. The heat spread throughout me and I could feel his response pressing against me. His hands roamed my body freely. He moved them from my breasts down my body until he reached my hips. He then cupped his hands beneath my bottom and used this new position to pull me up against his erection. The increases in friction had me panting into his mouth. I was now moaning his name frequently as I helped press myself even closer to him, desperately needing him to help relieve the pressure that was building up within me.

I was so close; I could feel the tightening in my stomach. His lips moved from my mouth down to my neck, sucking at the delicate flesh there and increasing the moans that were falling from my mouth. Our bodies moved together, each of us frantic in our need.

"Edward," it was a mixture of a scream and a moan as my body began to shake.

"Bella, oh Bella, oh god, I've missed you so much," suddenly my eyes flew open. Missed me? Why would Edward miss me?

Then it all came flooding back to me. This wasn't years ago, this was a dingy hotel room somewhere in Tahoe. He was on top of me, his body rubbing against mine as he sucked on my neck. Moans escaping from deep in his throat as he increased his pace. He whispered my name in between his moans and I could tell he was close. The instant my eyes had opened reality had set in. I couldn't even believe that he would have the nerve to do this to me after all he had put me through. I tried in vain to push him off me and began to cry as he used his hands to pull me even closer to him, oblivious to the torment he was causing me.

I couldn't stop the tears as they fell from my eyes and I begged him to stop, to get off me.

His head lifted up from my neck, his eyes clouded with lust.

"Bella, are you okay?" He seemed to actually be concerned and that was the last thing I wanted from him. I pushed him away and ran to the bathroom. Ashamed of myself and what I had almost just let happen.

**_Please let me know if you would like to continue this and check out the rest of the entries in Nina's contest! Thanks for reading._**


	2. The Moment My Life Began

_**A/N Well here is Chapter 2. Thank you to everyone who reviewed and marked this for alerts/favorite. This gets a little more into their past relationship. Enjoy!**_

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EPOV

I watched her as she ran away from me. She left me lying in bed, frustrated in more ways than one. I don't know what had just happened. I should have never gotten into bed with her. Too much of our past had centered on that one piece of furniture. But the floor was just so damn uncomfortable that I took her up on her offer. As soon as I got into the bed I could smell her and my body reacted instantly. She was my one big regret in my life. She represented everything I had given up and I couldn't imagine what it was doing to her to be with me right now.

I listened as her sobs subsided behind the bathroom door and lay back on the bed and covered my head with a pillow.

_What in the hell had just happened?_

I had woken up and my arms were wrapped around her, just like old times. All I could think about was the times when this is what I got to wake up to every morning. Her hair tickling my nose, her hips pressed again mine. Why had I ever let her go? I realized I should disentangle myself that this was too much and then she said my name. It was filled with such yearning that I couldn't help myself. I pulled her closer my nose buried in her hair.

That was when she shifted in my arms, her face now turning to face mine, her chest pressing against me. I could feel how aroused she was as she rubbed her breasts against me. In that moment I lost all control. She threw her head back and her neck just called to me. I pressed my lips against it and relished in the moans falling from her lips. She tasted so good, nothing in the world could compare to her. I whispered everything I felt for her, everything I had never stopped feeling for her. In my arms I held the one thing that made me whole.

I pushed her down so that I was over her, every inch of our body in contact and I looked into her face. Her eyes were clenched shut in pleasure and then suddenly her arms reached out and pulled my mouth to hers. It was a kiss filled with all the passion that I been denying myself these past few years. The hunger I thought I had lost forever, that I had never dared to hope that I would experience again.

I pressed my full weight against her, needing my hands free to explore her body. It was just as I had remembered it, every inch of it seared into my memory. I tried to pay proper attention to every part of her but when I reached her luscious ass I couldn't stop myself from using my hands to pull her closer to my throbbing erection. We both moaned at the new contact. She was moaning my name into my mouth and I used my tongue to taste every last syllable as it fell from her lips.

Our bodies were now frantic, each of us racing desperately towards the release that was imminent. I could barely breathe anymore so I moved my lips down to her neck, enjoying the erratic beat of her pulse against my tongue.

Suddenly her voice rang out in the room. My name filled the room and her scream of ecstasy spurred my movements on. It gave me hope, hope that I had lost after I had seen her again two weeks ago. She had made it clear that I was not welcome or even wanted in her life. That single word though gave my heart a reason to beat again.

"Bella, oh Bella, god I've missed you so much," and instantly her body stiffened. I could tell she was close so I increased the speed of my movements, her name on my lips. She pushed against me and I pulled her closer letting her know that it was okay to lose control. I had always loved when she lost control.

Then she was begging me to stop, her hands clawing at me. I looked up and saw tears in her eyes and my heart broke all over again. Her eyes weren't filled with the lust and happiness I felt but anger and pain.

"Bella are you okay?" It was obvious that she wasn't but I didn't know what else to say.

Then she ran to the bathroom and here I was waiting for her. I wasn't sure if I should try to talk to her or if I should try to find something else to do to allow her privacy.

I decided to get dressed and go for a walk. I had to contemplate why I had ever let this go so horribly wrong. The moment when I lost her for good would forever be etched in my memory.

_Ten Years Earlier_

I watched her as she walked in the door, I noticed her instantly. She took my breath away. Her complexion, her hair, her eyes, I couldn't look away from her. She looked up at me and I tried to look anywhere else but at her. I didn't want to scare her away but I noticed that seats were sparse in the class so she came over and sat down next to me.

She hid her face behind a wall of hair as she sat down. I think I had scared her somewhat with the intensity of my stare but I really couldn't help myself. Something inside me seemed to malfunction when she was around.

I had just gathered up the nerve to speak with her when the professor walked into the room and class began. We both began to take notes, or at least I tried my best to do so while checking her out.

All too quickly the class was over and she packed up her bag and left without saying a word. I hadn't even been able to concentrate enough to try to see her name while the sign in sheet had been passed around. No name I could imagine compared with her beauty so it became my goal that the next class I would learn her name.

She was all I could think about, when someone with brown hair would walk by my eyes automatically followed. I found myself trying to determine the exact color of her eyes, determined that next time I would have to look into them deeply in order to get my answer. I eagerly waited for Friday when we would have class together again. Perhaps I would see that I had built her up in my head and I could once again call my life my own because right now I was a mess.

The hours until Friday morning dragged by, surely time was going slower than normal. I drove my roommate crazy when I checked my clock over and over again and kept asking if he had the same time. Eventually he just kicked me out of the room mumbling something about me being a damn vampire when I was wide awake at 5 in the morning on Friday.

I sat outside waiting for class to start hoping to get a glimpse of her, wanting to see if she was all I had remembered her to be. Then I saw her, it was warm today and she was wearing a blue skirt with a white tank top. My heart ceased beating as I watched her walk towards me. The breeze blew her hair around her face and she stopped and put her backpack down and used her teeth to take a rubber band from her wrist and then proceeded to stick her hair up in a ponytail. If possible I was even more enthralled by her. Her ponytail helped to show off her long elegant neck and her chocolate eyes stood out even more.

She eyed me warily as she walked by me and went back to our desk. I quickly followed behind her and sat down next to her. Frantically trying to remember what I had been practicing these past few days in preparation of seeing her again all I could finally manage to get out was a simple hello.

"Hello, my name is Edward," I held out my hand. Not only because it was polite to do such things but because it also satisfied my insatiable need to touch her.

She put her hand in mine and the world stood still.

"Isabella but please call me Bella."

Our eyes met and the electricity between us was crackling. She pulled her hand away and looked forward when the professor came into the class. We spent the class stealing glances at each other. We were both just waiting for the class to be over so that we could have a chance to talk to each other.

Finally the class was over and she dropped her backpack in her rush to get up from the table. I grabbed it and threw it over my shoulder and followed her out the door. I had a class in 30 minutes but none of that mattered as she moved closer to me and we walked out in the sun together. I looked at her and she smiled up at me. That was the moment I would always remember whenever I thought about her.

The moment that my life began.

_**Next chapter will get into what exactly happened between these two. Thanks for reading and let me know what you think.**_


	3. Going Through the Motions

_**A/N **_

_**So here we have the story behind what exactly happened between these two so many years ago. It is not the happiest chapter so you've been warned.**_

_**Thank you again to all of those who have reviewed. I am still working on responding.**_

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BPOV

I sat in the bathroom. Trying to control myself and failing miserably. This morning had brought back so many memories that I had fought for so long to repress. I was finally free of seeing his face constantly everywhere I looked. It had taken me years to get to this point and I felt myself sliding back down that slippery slope once again. I wasn't going to let him hurt me again though. I heard the door close and assumed that he had left so I got up from the toilet and turned on the shower. If he thought I was the same silly girl he had known 5 years ago then he had another thing coming to him.

I opened the door slowly to ensure that he was indeed gone and then grabbed some clothes from my luggage and went back into the bathroom. The air was thick and heavy with the steam from the running water and I took a deep breath, the moist air filling my lungs. It seemed unfair but I knew what I had to do, what was necessary in order to survive.

My mind made up I got into the shower and went through the motions. Thankfully this was something I had done thousands of times otherwise I would not have been able to concentrate. My mind kept wandering back to what had just happened. I could feel the exact places were his hands had been as if it had been burned onto me. No matter how hard I scrubbed I could not wash the feeling of him away.

_Be strong…be strong_.

I kept repeating this to myself, willing myself to make it through the steps that I knew were necessary to keep me together. I finished my shower, got dressed and packed up my luggage. Walking over to the desk I found some paper and a pen and wrote what I needed to and then walked out the door.

EPOV

After about an hour of wandering around in the freezing snow I had decided that enough time had passed and made my way back to our room. I had spent the entire time reminiscing and trying to decide my best approach when I saw her again. To be honest, I had nothing. I could think of nothing that I could say to excuse what had happened in that room but it was my goal to make her as comfortable as possible for the rest of the trip.

I knocked on the door before I put my key card in but did not get a response so I inserted my card and opened the door. The first thing I noticed was how dark the room was and figured that perhaps she had gone downstairs to take advantage of the continental breakfast. Then I saw a pile of paperwork on the bed with a note attached to it.

_This should be everything you need. Call my assistant if you have any questions, she will be able to reach me._

That was all. She hadn't even signed her name. This was going to be more difficult than I had originally imagined.

I picked up my phone and immediately dialed Bella's number. It went straight to voice mail no matter how many times I tried.

Giving up I called her secretary instead. I'm sure that waiting would have been my better reaction but obviously my instincts were a bit off today.

"Bella Swan's office, this is Sara," I fought the urge to just cut her off.

"Sara, this is Edward Cullen," this time she cut me off.

"Yes Mr. Cullen, Ms. Swan informed me that you would be calling. She got called away for a family emergency. I have all her notes on the case if you would like me to email them to you." She knew I would call and had created a reason to be gone.

"Actually, there are some things that I really need to discuss with her. Do you have a number that I can reach her at?" If I was there in person I would have had better luck I was sure.

"No, I'm very sorry. She was very clear that no one other than me contact her. I can call her and tell her that you have something urgent to discuss." I knew that would not accomplish my goal so I told her that wouldn't be necessary and got off the phone.

Crap, I looked at the time and realized I needed to get going. I would deal with this mess later on today but for now I had a meeting to get to and I still had a sizable drive ahead of me. I checked out and got to my car. Sitting down I realized how strong her scent still was in the car. It was something that had always been so uniquely her and I took a deep breath as I started the car and headed to our, well now my, meeting. I had had such high hopes for this time together. Granted I wasn't planning on magically fixing everything that had transpired in the past but I at least hoped she would be talking to me again. If I was going to fix this I was going to have to do something epic.

BPOV

I flung the phone across the back of cab. Sara had just called my personal cell phone to inform me that Edward was trying to get a hold of me and had something urgent to discuss. Oh yes, I'm very sure that he had something urgent to take care of. Digging through my purse as we headed to the airport I found my work phone and found 10 missed calls from him. Why? What did he expect to say to me? I was angrier with myself than I was with him and I just wanted to never see him again to live in a world that was free of him.

_5 Years Ago_

It had been one year since that fateful day in class and Edward and I were inseparable. I was a little worried after that first day of class that he wasn't quite right in the head but I had come to find out that he "was so distracted by my beauty that he couldn't think straight" is how he put it. How could anyone find fault with that reason? I had agreed to have dinner with him that night after we walked out of class together. Imagine my surprise when he picked me up and drove to a park and we had a picnic. He was unlike any boy I had ever met and the conversation just flowed between us. He was prelaw with the intention of going into politics and I was a chemistry major.

As our first date ended he walked me back to my dorm and was a perfect gentleman. He lifted my hand to his lips and gave it a quick kiss before leaving. I remember closing the door behind me and just looking at my hand wondering what it would feel like when his lips were on mine.

I was excited, I was anxious and yet I was scared. I had been hurt badly before and I wasn't looking for a relationship and wanted to take things very slowly. He seemed to understand and did not push me. After our fifth date I felt the need to explain to him why it was so important to me. He seemed to understand my tentativeness and had not even attempted to kiss me anywhere other than my hand and for that I was appreciative.

"Edward, there is something I need to tell you," we were sitting in the common area of his dorm sharing popcorn and watching television.

"Would you like to go to my room where it is quieter?" I nodded and he held out his hand for me and led me to his room. I had never been in there before so I took some time to look around and see what he would have on his walls. There was nothing out of the ordinary or sent me running the other direction so I sat down on the bed next to him.

"Did I pass inspection," he chuckled.

"Yes, you seem to be normal," he just waited, knowing that I had something to say.

"Edward you know I like you right?" He just nodded. "I just need to take things slow, please understand that I want so badly to be able to throw caution to the wind and just pretend that I've never been hurt before but I can't. I'm just so worried that you will hurt me and I couldn't handle that right now."

I looked up at him with tears in my eyes. He reached for my hand and just squeezed it.

"I dated someone my last two years of high school. He was someone who I trusted with my life. He promised me the moon, said we would be together forever and I believed him. Then one weekend while I was visiting my mother he met someone else and that was that. He said that he took one look at her and everything in the world made sense. It was love at first sight. They were made for each other. Every day at school I had to see them together and he was right, they were perfect together. It killed me every time I saw them together but I threw myself into school and that is how I ended up here. I needed distance, because time wasn't mending my broken heart."

He still had not uttered a word and I wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing. Wiping my tears away I continued.

"So I can understand if you want to walk away from me right now but I just needed to let you know that I really do like you but it is going to take time and I don't blame you if you don't want to waste your time with some who needs to be fixed."

I looked down at my hands, not wanting to look in his face and see the rejection that I was sure would be there.

"Bella," he put his finger under my chin and forced me to look at him. "You aren't getting rid of me that easy. I'm willing to wait forever for you if that is what it takes." Looking in his eyes I could tell that he meant it, it wasn't just a line.

Suddenly a little piece of the pain was chipped away with those words and I leaned into him and pressed my lips to his. It was like nothing I had ever experienced before. What started out slow and shyly quickly became much more as my mouth opened to his.

He pulled away from me and apologized.

"I'm so sorry Bella, here you are asking for time and then I basically attack you. Please forgive me," he kissed my hand again.

"Never apologize for kissing me again," I grabbed his shoulders and pulled him to me and picked up where we had left off.

Things had progressed steadily from there and now this was our last year and Edward had gotten an opportunity he couldn't pass up. He had been accepted for a semester abroad at Oxford. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity and one I encouraged him to take even though he was reluctant to leave me. I took him to the airport, we hugged, we kissed and I watched him disappear. I walked to my car and then promptly broke down in tears.

He called me as soon as he could and we tried to talk as often as possible but it was hard with the time change and classes. He was having a great time and I tried to pretend that things on my side of the world were good but I missed him desperately. Then one day I got the phone call I had been dreading.

It went something along the lines of I love you but we should see other people while I am gone. I could have pleaded, I could have begged but I didn't. He said that it wasn't fair to me to have to sit around and wait for him but I think it made him feel better if he thought I would be seeing other people while he did. So it was easier to agree even though the stitches on my heart started to tear again, reopening the pain I thought I had left behind. But I was willing to wait for him, willing to let him have some space because I was confident that we were meant for each other.

My friends who were my support system through this entire thing were stunned but decided to make it their mission to find someone for me to go out with.

"At least try it," Alice begged. "Don't let him hold you back." Eventually I reluctantly agreed.

I went out with someone I had met at a party and tried my best to be a good date, to try to appear interested in this whole fiasco. But I spent the entire night comparing him to Edward and mentally listing all the areas in which he failed miserably. He walked me to the door of my apartment and I could hear the phone ringing. I quickly told him good bye and thank you and ran in to get the phone. Sure enough it was Edward.

"Oh Bella, I miss you so much. I love you, I can't wait to see you again," and we talked for quite a while and I felt guilty about how I had just betrayed him.

This continued for the next few months. One day he would call me and pledge my love, another day he would force me to agree to see other people that he didn't want me to waste away while waiting for him. His mood swings were beginning to confuse me but still I was counting down the days until he returned.

The day had finally arrived and I was waiting at the airport with his parents. We were all excited to see him. I had missed him so much. After working his way through customs he found his way to us. He gave Carlisle and Esme each a big hug and then gave me a hug and a light kiss on the lips. We drove back with his parents and sat in the backseat together. He never let go of my hand once and my body responded to being in such close proximity with him after so long. I couldn't wait to be alone with him, now that he was by my side all felt right again.

We got to Esme and Carlisle's house and everyone was waiting there for him. A welcome home party was in full swing and I enjoyed catching up with all his family that I had not seen in months. At some point I looked around the room and couldn't find him though so I went upstairs to his room to see if he was there. I could hear him talking to one of his good friends James as I got closer to his room.

"She is beautiful, incredibly smart, so focused…," I walked away with a smile thinking how sweet it was for him to be sitting there talking to someone about me. I wanted to let him have his privacy.

As the night drew to a close I realized that I had not spent a lot of time with him but I was okay. I knew that everyone else wanted to see him too but I was spending the night at the Cullen's house so we would have all night to catch up.

Everyone was finally leaving and I was sitting outside by myself enjoying the quiet when James came out and sat down next to me.

"Hey Bella," he scooted closer to me and I moved a bit further away. This continued until I had nowhere else to go.

"Um, can you please back up James? I'm just waiting for Edward." I looked inside hoping that he would come out soon.

"He's probably on the phone with Tanya," who was Tanya I wondered to myself. I certainly wasn't going to ask out loud.

"Okay, then he should be out soon," I looked anywhere but at James.

"Okay, if that is what you want to believe. Anyways, I was thinking that perhaps we should go out sometime," he smiled at me. I had never realized how creepy he was. He had some nerve too, asking his friend's girlfriend out.

"I'm dating Edward, in case you have forgotten that," I stood up and tried to go back inside but he was quicker than me and blocked the door.

"He told me you guys were seeing other people now. Plus he spent about an hour telling me about the wonderful girl he met in England. He told me he was okay with it if you were," my mind went blank and apparently James took that as consent as he moved closer to me and began kissing me. It took a minute for this to register before I backed away horrified.

"What in the hell do you think you are doing?" I pushed him away and went inside. His words running through my mind I ran outside to my car. I could hear Carlisle and Esme calling after me but I just needed to get as far away as possible. It all suddenly made sense to me. The push for me to see other people, the distance when we were finally together again and the fact that he had told James he was okay with us being together. I didn't think I could ever hurt as badly as I did when Jacob left me but this was 1000 times worse and I knew that I would never be the same again.

_**Okay, that was painful to write. More will be coming very soon and it will give some more about the breakup.**_

_**Thanks again for all the wonderful comments. They make my day!**_


	4. Please Let Me Go

_**A/N **_

_**Okay…so after that last chapter we have some massive Edward hating going on. This chapter is his side of what happened. **_

_**Thank you again to all of those who have reviewed and who have marked this for alert or favorite, I'm blown away. I am still working on responding to reviews so I apologize in advance for me taking so long.**_

EPOV

I got through the meeting somehow. I wasn't paying attention but apparently I hadn't needed to. Even if I had it wouldn't have mattered. There was only one thing on my mind, getting out of here and getting back to the office and finding out exactly when she would be back. We had to talk and this time I wouldn't make a mess of it like I had last time.

_5 Years Ago_

As I got off the plane I was conflicted. I knew that Bella would be waiting there with my parents and I couldn't wait to see her but I was a bit worried that I could act normal around her. It had hurt her when I said that we should see other people but I didn't want her to resent me and take away from any fun she could be having while I was gone. Looking back I realized it was a bit cruel of me after 4 years together to assume that she would want to see anyone else but it seemed like the right thing at the time. Never had I imagined that I would meet someone. I wasn't looking or even thinking about it. Every night I would go to bed and look at the picture of Bella and me above my bed and would fall asleep dreaming of her. Everyone knew that I had a girlfriend. It was hard not to know since I talked about her constantly. I missed her so much it took everything I had to not call her at all hours of the night.

Then one day I met her and things changed. Tanya reminded me of Bella and that was the best thing that could have happened to me at that time. I missed Bella so much I was barely functioning. She was sweet, laughed with me and I was able to open up with her. We talked about Bella, about her boyfriend that she had back home. Amazingly we went to school about 1 ½ hours away from each other and I hoped that one day we could all get together as couples and do something. I knew that Bella would like her.

One night she came into my room crying, her and her boyfriend had broken up and she was distraught. I wrapped my arms around her to comfort her and she fell asleep in my arms. The next morning we looked at each other awkwardly and she ran from my room without saying a word. It took a few days but we were back to talking every night but now she always found a reason to touch me and it felt good to have someone close to me again. One night while we were studying she suddenly put her glasses down and looked up at me. It happened as if it was in slow motion but our heads moved closer together and our lips met. We quickly packed up our books and headed back to my room. Without thinking I pushed her back on the bed and we frantically undressed each other as our lips never left each others. I entered her and lost myself to the sensation. It had been so long that the guilt didn't hit me until long afterward. Although we had talked about seeing other people I knew that I wouldn't be able to stop myself from ripping apart any man who touched my Bella. I tried to avoid Tanya for the next few days but it was easier said than done. Every time I saw her we would end up back in bed together again and then I would feel guilty again.

Thankfully the time to return home came and I told Tanya goodbye. She had tears streaming down her face at the airport when I left and I promised that I would call her when I got back. It was a promise that I never really intended to keep. I got on the plane and tried to prepare myself for who would be waiting for me. Bella was my life and I only hoped that she would never find out about this.

When I landed and made my way to the family I knew was waiting for me I felt like I wanted to throw up. I avoided Bella's eyes as I hugged each of my parents and then finally looked at her. She looked overjoyed to see me and that alone made me feel like a miserable ass. I gave her a hug and a light kiss on the lips. I had missed her so much, she just felt right in my arms but I needed to talk to her before I allowed myself to get too close. I owed her that much and she could decide if we were able to move forward.

I held her hand on the way home, never wanting to lose contact with her. I wanted to hold her close and never let her go, wanted to kiss her, love her but I knew that once she knew the truth she might not feel the same way. When we got to the house my family was all there and a party soon began. This would delay the conversation and I wasn't sure how to feel about that. She seemed to notice my distance but didn't say anything. I saw her walking around the room talking with my family and laughing. Every time she looked in my direction her eyes lit up and I dreaded the possibility of that ever ending. A few hours into the party I couldn't wait for everyone to leave. I was tired and I wanted to talk to Bella but then my cell phone rang and noticing who it was I ran upstairs to my room before answering it.

"Tanya, now is not a good time," this was the last thing I needed right now.

"But Edward, I just got in and you said you would call when you got home," I had said that but I figured she would understand that I couldn't call the second I landed.

"Yes, but I've been spending time with my family," I tried desperately to think of a way to end this conversation.

"Okay, but make sure to call me soon Edward. I miss you…," she trailed off.

"Goodbye Tanya," and with that I hung up. What had I gotten myself into? I put my head in my hands as I sat on my bed.

"Who's Tanya?" Crap, James scared the hell out of me when he spoke. I didn't know he had come into my room.

"Just someone I met in England," I hoped that he would notice that I wanted some time alone.

"Really, tell me about her," I just wanted him out of my room so I rattled off the first things that came to mind.

"She is beautiful, incredibly smart, so focused, just someone I got to know while I was there." He had an odd look on his face as I finished talking.

"So, what about Bella?" He asked the same question I had been asking myself since I had left England.

"I don't know," I closed my eyes just trying to imagine her smile. "We agreed to see other people while I was gone."

"Wow, so if she wanted to date someone else you wouldn't have a problem with that?" He sounded almost excited and I couldn't understand why.

"If that was what she wanted I wouldn't stop it," he mumbled something about good luck and walked out of the room.

I went back down to the party and tried to pretend that I was into it but I just couldn't wait for everyone to leave. Finally as the crowd began to filter out my phone rang again. Noticing that it was Tanya again I quickly ran upstairs and rejected the call. Turning the phone off I threw it on my dresser.

I sat upstairs for a few more minutes before I headed downstairs so that I could find Bella. I couldn't wait any longer to talk to her. I just needed to let her know what had happened and hopefully move on. Seeing her again had made me realize that I couldn't live without her and I would do anything in my power to ensure I would never have to.

As I walked down the stairs I could see her running to the door with tears streaming down her face. My parents called after her but she slammed the door and I followed quickly behind her knowing I needed to talk to her before she got to her car. I ran outside and quickly found her truck and saw her sitting there with her head against the steering wheel crying like her heart was broken.

I opened her door and went to hold her. It killed me to see her in so much pain. She began to scream instantaneously.

"GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME. NEVER TOUCH ME AGAIN!"

"Bella, what is wrong?" What had happened to her? What did she know?

"What's wrong Edward?" Her voice was barely a whisper now. It was like it hurt her too much to talk, to even say my name. "First off there is the matter of Tanya. If you were done with me you could have had the decency to tell me. Not tell James that I was free and he could have a turn since you no longer had any use for me." WHAT? What in the hell had James done to her?

"What did he do? I'll kill him," I debated about whether or not I should run in the house to kill him now or finish my conversation with her first.

"It's not his fault. You gave him your permission, what else was he supposed to think." She wouldn't even look in my eyes anymore and began to back away if I moved to touch her. "While I appreciate your willingness to share me with your friends I am the only one who can give permission to touch me and that is something that you do not have and will never have again." The tears began to fall again and she didn't even bother to wipe them away anymore. "Now please close my door and let me go."

"Bella, please just listen to me," she looked ahead. Her fingers gripped the steering wheel so hard that her fingers were turning white.

"I would never give James permission to touch you," then my conversation in my room came back to me. "Well, that isn't what I meant when I told him…"

"Wasn't what you meant? I don't even want to know what you meant. Please leave me alone. I'll send anything of yours that I have to your parents place. I never want to talk to you again!" With that she slammed the key into the ignition and started the car. Scared of what she might do I jumped away and she slammed the car door shut and drove away and out of my life.

She was true to her word. She never spoke to me after that day. I called her, emailed her, showed up at her apartment, sent her flowers. Anything I could think of to try to get her to talk to me again. It took one day for her to change her phone numbers and 4 weeks for her to move away completely. She didn't even walk at graduation at the end of the year.

I tried to keep track of her for a while to make sure she really was okay but eventually I lost track and I had to pay attention to my classes because law school wouldn't work with distractions. Eventually I began to live a little again. Many girls tried to get my attention but there was no one I wanted. No one measured up to Bella. I never talked to Tanya again after that day. I knew it was cruel but every time I thought of her it just reminded me of what I had done to Bella.

I graduated and took a job with a law firm in the Bay Area. I had many offers but this location had the fewest reminders of Bella and so I took it. Imagine my surprise when on my first day as the partners were showing me around I saw someone who looked just like her from across the room. I reluctantly followed the partners into the conference room as I tried desperately to catch another glimpse of her.

Forcing myself to pay attention to the meeting that was about to start I looked down at the pen in my hands and spun it in my fingers.

"Oh, there you are, I was hoping you could make it," the senior partner called out to whoever had just walked in the door.

"Wouldn't miss it for the world," her laugh filled the room and I froze in my seat. It couldn't be. "I'm sorry I haven't had a chance to meet you yet," I could hear her walking across the room to me and I didn't dare look up, knowing that it would stop her. "I'm Bella Swan," I looked up to find her standing in front of me with her hand outstretched. She froze as soon as she saw my face and her smile faltered but she kept her hand outstretched.

I wrapped my fingers around her hand and all the memories came back as soon as I touched her. "Edward Cullen. It is a pleasure to meet you," she nodded, dropped my hand and sat as far away from me as possible. She was out of the room the instant the meeting ended and had successfully avoided me like the plague at the office.

I found out by asking around that she was our environmental specialist. She had gotten her Masters in Environmental Chemistry and she was an integral part of our environmental law team. Which unfortunately or fortunately I happened to be a part of. I tried unsuccessfully to talk to her several times and eventually she sent me an email.

_I would appreciate if you would respect our workplace and not talk to me unless it is related to our job._

_BS_

I was capable of taking a hint and so I left her alone. That was until I got assigned a case that involved illegal dumping of chemicals into one of the smaller lakes outside of Lake Tahoe. I had to travel there to oversee a deposition and Bella was needed at the deposition and then to go and assess the lake and take some secondary samples.

To her credit she took the news without any hint of apprehension. All the plans were arranged and a 4x4 vehicle was rented for us to take over the mountain. We had driven in complete silence until I had been forced to stop. Now after less than 24 hours alone with me she had been forced to run away again. The only difference was that this time I wasn't letting her go without a fight.

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_**Okay, that was not fun to write either. I really don't think it will help with the Edward hate either. Let me know what you think and more will be coming soon.**_

_**Thanks again for all the wonderful comments. They make my day!**_


	5. You Can Pretend

_**A/N **_

_**I'm back again. This is officially the end of the chapters I had written already so I can guarantee that there won't be a chance of an update until Monday at the earliest so hopefully this tides you over until then.**_

_**Thank you once again for the response to this. I know that many of you don't like Edward and I say I feel the same way. This story is based on something that actually happened to me so needless to say I don't have a whole lot of sympathy for him. **_

_**Thank you again for the reviews and I have been working on responding to them but wanted to update this and then get back to it. **_

_**Here you go!**_

BPOV

I got to my house, closed the door and just sat on the floor and cried. After all my tears were gone I assessed the situation before me. I could run away again but I had a career established now and I couldn't just leave it. It was obvious that ignoring him wasn't going to work. Opening up my laptop I wrote out four simple words that I knew would change my life.

_We need to talk_

My hand shook as I pressed send and I only hoped that I could follow through with it.

_Five Years Earlier_

I could barely see as I drove away from him. I drove for about a mile before I pulled over again and cried until there was nothing left. This was not how I had planned on my day going when I drove to his parent's house earlier today. I was so excited at the prospect of seeing him again, to hold him in my arms, to kiss him. After the James incident I was hurt and just wanted to get away. I should have known Edward wouldn't let me get away that easily. I never wanted to see his face again after that, when he couldn't even deny what James had said and so I had driven home and gone to bed for the weekend. I could hear my phone ringing, my cell phone beeping, the door being pounded on but none of it mattered. The only thing I got up for the next day was to change my phone numbers. I would notify those who needed it on Monday.

By Monday morning I was ready to face the day and found 27 messages on my machine. They alternated between Edward and Esme each one begging me to call them. I deleted each and every one of them. I felt bad about Esme but I couldn't face her after what had happened. I would always wonder if she had known something and wouldn't be able to trust her right now.

As soon as the phone calls stopped the flowers started. All different varieties, sizes, smells, all refused to the bafflement of the poor delivery man. I began to look for a new place to live after this. It was obvious that he wasn't going to give up anytime soon.

Once I got settled in my new place I focused on finishing school and getting the hell out of this area. I had been accepted to many different schools for my masters. I had originally planned on being close to Edward and where he was going to law school but now I no longer had to worry about that. Much to my parent's chagrin I refused to walk at graduation. Even though I realized it was a large affair and the chances that I would see either Edward or his family were slim it was not something I could handle.

So I went ahead with my life, taking it one day at a time. My friends were incredible throughout the whole ordeal. I had to stop Emmett from going after Edward. I had to admit it was a tempting thought but it would solve nothing, even if he did deserve it.

I threw myself into school, graduated and got a job in the bay area. It was far away from any reminders of him. There were men who were interested through the years but they gave up rather quickly when they realized that there was never going to be a chance. I kept to myself and worked hard. My job earned me the respect that had been lacking from my past relationships and for now that had to be enough.

EPOV

I got back to work and went to my office. I needed to get through my voicemails and emails before I could go home for the night. There was the usual business related items and then my eye caught site of Bella's name and I clicked it open and sat there staring at the words in front of me. Looking at the time I picked up my phone and dialed her cell phone and waited while it rang. On the fourth ring she picked it up.

"Hello," her voice was shaky and I realized how much it took for her to make this effort.

"I just got back. I agree, we need to talk," please let it be now, let's get his over with.

"Yes, can you meet right now?" For her I would do anything, not that she was likely to believe me anymore.

"Of course, do you want me to come over there?" The words were out before I could stop them. Of course she wouldn't want me to come to her home.

"No, I don't think that is a good idea. Although I am sure you would like that," she sighed before she continued. "Let's meet at the diner next to work. I will be there in 15 minutes."

I agreed and walked to the bathroom and splashed water on my face as I prepared to face her and try to make up for the pain I had caused her in the past. As I got in the elevator I debated about whether or not I should pick up flowers for her. She had always loved when I brought her flowers. I debated for a the whole ride down before finally deciding that she might not appreciate a blatant reminder of what we used to have so I just walked to the diner and waited for her.

I saw her walk in and my heart almost jumped out of my chest. She was so beautiful standing there in jeans and a light blue sweater. She scanned the room until she found me and came over to the table. She sat opposite me and just stared at me. She had called this little meeting so I was going to let her talk first.

"Thank you for coming," she just looked at her hands. She couldn't even bring herself to look me in the eyes.

"Of course, anything for you," she laughed under her breath.

"I didn't come here to rehash the past I just need to make sure that we can both forget what happened this morning and move on. It is obvious that we will both need to work together and although it is tempting I am not willing to leave to get away from you," it actually hurt that she had considered leaving again. That I had hurt her so badly that she would run away just so that she didn't have to deal with me.

"Please don't go," she looked up at me her eyes bright with tears.

"Why would it matter to you?" She was angry but I would much rather have her angry than sad.

"Bella, I want you to be happy, that is all I have ever wanted," she looked down and I realized that it wasn't the right thing to say.

"You have a funny way of showing that. Like I said though I didn't come here to discuss the past. Those years are over with. I've moved on from stupid mistakes," she raised her face to me again and there was no trace of tears anymore.

"Is that what I was? A stupid mistake?" Even though I didn't think it was possible my heart broke just a little more hearing her say those words. Suddenly I doubted that I would ever be able to make up for the past. I had obviously done more damage than I ever could have imagined.

"Yes," it was barely a whisper but the meaning was clear.

I couldn't help myself I grabbed her hands. I wanted to shake her, to force her to listen to me. She pulled them away from me immediately. As if it physically hurt her to touch me. "Please Bella, please can we talk."

"That is why I am here," her finger was apparently quite interesting because her eyes never moved from it. "We have to work together Edward but that doesn't mean I have to like it."

Well that pretty much summed things up so I decided to change the subject. Perhaps if I approached it from another angle then I might be able to accomplish more.

"Esme and Carlisle say hello," I saw the hint of a smile on her lips.

"How are they doing?" She still didn't look up but at least she didn't sound as angry anymore.

"They miss you," she snorted.

"Yes, I'm sure they are heartbroken. It's been five years Edward. I'm sure you have someone new to bring home to them. You already did when I was there last," her face made it clear that she hadn't intended to add that last part.

It had been five years, 3 months and 14 days, not that I was counting. "No Bella, they miss you."

"Please tell them that I said hello," okay she definitely wasn't going to make this easy.

"Bella, about what happened this morning," it was all or nothing time.

"There is nothing to talk about. It is another in a long line of memories of you that I am going to forget ever happened."

"Bella, we can't just ignore our past," I knew that we could be happy together. We had been once.

"As far as I am concerned there is no past. We have a job to do and by some sick stroke of fate we will be working closely together for the next few months. I'm perfectly capable of doing that but I will not tolerate you bringing up things that are no longer relevant," she was back to being angry and I just wanted to see her smile.

"I just need to get this out please Bella," she was now systematically shredding the napkin in front of her. "After this I will never bring it up again and no one at work will ever know about us."

She continued to shred her napkin so I just kept on talking.

"When I was at Oxford I met someone. Her name was Tanya and yes something did happen with her," her fingers were now clenching the napkin. "I was waiting until my family left so that I could talk to you and tell you everything that had happened. I wanted to be honest with you and hoped that somehow you would be able to forgive me."

"How did telling James first and then having him attack me outside factor into this plan?" I had never forgiven James for that and my father had to physically restrain me when I got back into the house and confronted him.

"I wanted to kill him for what he did to you." It still made me angry.

"What you did was worse," it was so quiet that I wasn't sure that I had heard it right but then I saw a tear splash onto the table and I began to doubt that there was anything I could to do to rectify the past.

"Please Bella, please tell me what I can do to make this up to you?" I could feel the tears forming in my eyes but I didn't care. I had shed countless tears over her in the past five years.

"You can pretend like I never existed before now. Pretend that you just met me at work," her voice got lower as she continued to speak. "Pretend that you can't remember what it felt like to kiss you, touch you, have your hands on me. Pretend that you weren't once the one thing I lived for. Pretend that promises used to mean something and that when someone says they love you they actually mean it," she wiped her eyes and it was barely audible when she said more. "Pretend that I could actually hate you."

I wanted to reach for her hand, to wipe the tears from her eyes.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I did to you, the pain I caused you. I never wanted to hurt you. Please believe when I say that. I've never stopped loving you," with that admission the tears fell from my eyes and I reached across the table and grabbed her hands. She didn't pull away, she just looked at me. I felt the slightest squeeze of her fingers on mine before she pulled them away stood up and walked out the door.

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_**Okay…so what do you think? I will work on the next chapter this weekend. I had it written already but I think I am going to scrap it. So soon I promise but just need some more time!**_

_**Thanks again for all the wonderful comments. They make my day!**_


	6. Hope

_**A/N **_

**_Sorry about that...updated wrong chapter so here you go!_**

_**Okay I said that I would try to have this to you by Monday so here you go. **_

_**Thank you all once again for the wonderful reviews for this story. I do promise to respond to them. I wanted to get this out there and then focus on those. **_

**_I especially want to thank Darcy13 for her incredible reviews, she has given me a lot to think about and I am just blown away by her insight!_**

_**My wonderful friend Charley did start a thread in the forum for this. It's under Alternate Universe Human. The link will be in my profile.**_

_**Here you go, hope you enjoy. I know that some of you are concerned that Bella will let Edward off the hook easily and just be dazzled and fall back into his arms. I promise that it will not be easy for him and if he has a chance of winning her back he will need to work for it. **_

_**I do not own these characters!**_

EPOV

I watched her as she walked out the door. It took everything I had to not follow her but I knew that I shouldn't press my luck. I looked down at my hand and hoped I hadn't been imagining the slight squeeze of her fingers on mine. That simple act gave me something I hadn't dared myself to have in some time…hope.

I left after giving her enough time to get away and headed back to my apartment to try to make some plans on how I would proceed. Talking to her had given me some things to think about. It was obvious that I had to work hard to earn her trust again. Rightfully so, I had taken something she had grudging given me in the beginning of our relationship and exploited it ruthlessly. I wouldn't blame her if she never forgave me. I hadn't even forgiven myself for what I had done to her.

I walked down the quiet streets thinking about everything that had led us to this point. How thoroughly I had messed things up over someone who meant nothing to me. I would like to be able to just blame it on being young and stupid but even I could see the error in that logic. When she left I had no support to help me through my grief. My parents took her side instantly after I filled them in on what had happened. My own mother could barely even look at me for the longest time. Not only had she lost her trust in me but I had taken away someone who she considered to be her daughter. It hurt her that Bella no longer was willing to talk to her and I would always regret the pain that I had caused to so many people that I had professed to love.

Emmett had come to see me one day after she had left. He let me know in no uncertain terms that the only reason he wasn't beating me to a pulp was because Bella had asked him not to. He informed me that if I was to ever go near her again or try to contact her I would answer to him and no one would be able to stop him from giving me everything that I deserved. I had wanted him to hurt me, to have my outside appearance match the way I felt inside but unlike me he was unwilling to hurt Bella. He said she had already been through enough because of me and he loved her too much to hurt her more. I begged him for details of her for anything but he refused. He told me that I no longer had the right to know anything about her, I had thrown my chance away and as he closed the door he let me know I was a selfish bastard who would never be worthy of someone as good as her. What could I say? I had agreed with him.

I spent the next few years trying to change into someone who was worthy of her. Politics had always been my goal but as law school progressed I changed my focus to environmental law. Something that had always interested me but it didn't follow the strict plan that I had set for myself. Well since my plan also included marrying Bella after I graduated from law school I realized that changes needed to be made. I wanted to be the person she thought I always had been. Someone who was worthy of her even though I knew that the possibility of ever having her again was gone. I just needed to know that somehow I could be that person.

As the years passed I began to live a little at a time. I tried to date but it was a failure. No one compared to her, no one made me feel the way I did when I was with her. I threw everything into law school shifting my passion into that. It was the only way I was able to survive. Or at least exist.

After our conversation it was reassuring to know that I still affected her, that somewhere deep down (very deep) she still had some residual feelings for me. That was the only thing I had on my side at the moment. The hope that one day she would be willing to listen to everything I had to say that in some small way one step at a time I could make this up to her. That she could see that I regretted all I had done to her.

BPOV

I could barely see where I was going as I walked home from the diner. I had cried more in the past twenty four hours than I had in years and it had to end. I'm not sure why I hadn't pulled my hand away immediately. It felt so good to feel the strength of his hand again. It had been so long since I had felt the comfort and familiarity of having his fingers wrapped around mine. It was like my hands were home and they acted on reflex without any input from me.

I got to my home and pushed the incident away. We had to work together and that was it. I was not going to allow myself to be that close to him again. I couldn't afford to have him in my life again. Getting my pajamas on I fell into bed and into a fitful sleep where I only dreamed of him.

The next morning I woke up and got ready for work. I didn't want to admit it to myself but I took special care in picking out the outfit that I put on. Taking a deep breath I headed to work and sped through the halls until I got to my office. Closing the door behind me I could finally feel comfortable again.

_I can do this…I can do this_

He had been working here for two weeks and I hadn't had any issues yet. I was confident that despite our close proximity that nothing would happen. I spent the day successfully avoiding him and never had been so thankful for a Friday in my life. My empty weekend seemed inviting compared to the possibility of running into him at the office. I knew that next week was filled with meetings that we would have to attend together so I would need all the rest I could get in order to be properly prepared. It was different having to work with him from a distance. I could hide the fact that I watched him and memorized the slight changes that had taken place in the past five years. He had always been handsome, that word did so little justice to him but it would take pages of adjectives to even scratch the surface when describing him. Where had that come from? I was trying my best to hate him but failing miserably. Distance definitely made it easier to keep the hate alive.

Somehow I made it through the day and as I was getting ready to leave Sara told me there had been a delivery for me. I wasn't expecting anything but that hardly meant anything when working in a law firm. She came into my office obviously excited and brought in a long rectangular shaped box. It was gold and tied with a pink ribbon. I had no idea what it could be but Sara obviously had an idea because she was quite excited when she brought it in.

"Thank you Sara," I was trying to not be rude but hoping she would get the idea that I wanted privacy to open whatever this was.

She got the hint and walked out closing the door behind her. I untied the ribbon and opened the box to find one single long stemmed rose. It was a beautiful shade of pink and I pulled it out and smelled it. Attached to the stem was a card. My hand trembled as I reached for it. I knew only one person who would have done this and I debated about having Sara get rid of this but I wasn't strong enough. I had to know what it said. It was only two lines.

_May the color of this rose be a clue_

_To what I feel when I'm with you_

With shaking fingers I went to my computer to find out what exactly this shade of pink meant in a rose. After a few minutes I found what I was looking for…_Appreciation, Perfect Happiness, Admiration, Gentleness, Thank You. _But it was the last meaning listed that caught my eye…_Please Believe Me. _My thoughts went back to our conversation last night and the last words he told me how he never wanted to hurt me and how he never stopped loving me. Why was this happening? I wasn't sure if I was strong enough to have to keep walking away from him or let go of the pain that I had been holding on to for so long. Putting the rose back in the box I gathered up my things and placed it under my arm as I headed to elevator to go home for the weekend.

EPOV

I tried to be inconspicuous as I walked up and down the hall glancing at her office every few minutes. I knew the rose had been delivered. Thankfully this time there was someone else to accept the delivery so it didn't get returned. Finally I saw the lights in her office go off and I watched from around the corner as she headed to the elevator with the flower box tucked under her arm. Confident that I could claim one small victory I went back to my office and gathered my stuff before heading home. I had plenty of work that had to be attended to but nothing had been as important as making sure that Bella had gotten the rose. I hoped that now she had some small idea of how I felt, not only the love but my regret too.

Phase I was in progress and I debated about what to do next. I didn't want to push too hard because I knew her well enough to know that that would send her running off in the other direction. I had to be very careful here. Her not throwing the flower away was a huge step so I decided to back off for now and wait and see how the meetings went next week before I made my next move. I had all the time and patience in the world if it meant that I could have her back. It would all be worth it. It had to be.

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_**Okay, let me know what you think. I have already started the next chapter so it shouldn't be too long until there is an update. I will be responding to reviews tonight. Thanks again and be back soon.**_


	7. Coming Clean

_**A/N **_

_**Hello…this is going to be quick. Here is the next chapter, hope you enjoy.**_

_**Thanks again for the reviews, I do promise I will be working on responding to them.**_

BPOV

That flower taunted me all weekend long. I came home and placed the box on my kitchen counter. I refused to open it or even look at it. It sat there, a reminder of him. I wanted to open the box and rip the flower apart, pretend it was his head as I tore each petal from the stem. Why? Why was this happening now? My life was in order, nothing was lacking and I was happy.

Well happy is such a relative term. What really made one happy? I had a place to live, a job, food; the essentials that were necessary to exist. There is such a large divide between being happy and being complete. I had long ago given up hope on finding that. I had tried and failed miserably twice. I was unwilling to really try again because one can only fail at something so many times before they are unable to get back up again. Being content in other areas of my life had to be enough.

That is why it was that much harder to see him again. I wasn't scared; I wasn't hurt, I was angry. Had I not suffered enough for what he did to me? Had I not denied myself of things that I rightfully deserved, given up my happiness for him. Now when I was settling into my life he had to return and had the gall to think that I would want anything from him.

I walked across my living room to the box on my counter and picked it up and threw it in the trash. I walked by it the rest of the day as it sat in the trash and tried my best to ignore it. It was like it was calling to me though and I eventually took it back out of the trash and set it back on my counter. I took it out of the box and looked at the rose. Bringing it to my nose I smelled it. It brought back memories of the flowers that he had used to get me while we were dating. With tears in my eyes I got a bud vase out of my cupboards, filled it with water and put it out on the counter.

This meant nothing I told myself, nothing at all. I just couldn't bring myself to throw away something so beautiful despite who it came from. The one thing I could throw away was the card that had been attached to the flower. I didn't want to see his writing, it was bad enough that I was keeping the flower but there had to be some limits. My sanity demanded it.

I decided that I needed to get out for a while. Needed some time to clear my head and just not have to think about this anymore. I called the one person who I knew would be excited and willing to get me out. I waited for him to answer and fluctuated between hoping that he answered and hoping that he didn't.

"Well Bella my dear, it's been a long time," I could almost hear his smile through the phone.

"I know, sorry Emmett but I wanted to see if you had any plans tonight," I knew he would make it his mission to make me have fun.

"Could it be true? Little Bella actually wants to go out on the town? I wouldn't miss it for the world," I could hear muffled sounds as he covered the receiver and filled in Rose I presumed. "Okay, Rose is calling every. If Bella wants to go out, we go out."

I laughed at him, happy that I had called. This would be the perfect solution. He would help me forget everything that I couldn't seem to escape lately. They picked me up later on that evening. Alice and Jasper were following in their own car. It had been too long since we had all gone out together. They had tried valiantly after the break up (break down?) but I had refused and eventually they had given up. Not that I could blame them.

It was Saturday night in San Francisco so the club was packed but we managed to find a table in the very corner and all squeezed in.

"So to what do we owe this night out Bella?" Emmett got to the point right away of course.

I debated about what I should say. I hadn't told any of them about Edward starting at the law firm and I wasn't sure how the information would go over.

"Can't a girl just want to go out with her friends?" I hoped that I could possible distract them.

"Of course, we all love when you actually want to go out but we've known you too long Bella. What's going on?" Alice was always too perceptive for her own good.

"Just been a rough couple of weeks at work," I took a large drink from my vodka and avoided eye contact. Mistake number one, if I had nothing to hide I wouldn't have done either things.

"Okay…seriously Bella, what is up? You can either tell us the easy way or make us drag it out of you," Rosalie wasn't going to back down either.

"Fine, well do you remember how I told you about a new lawyer starting a couple of weeks ago," they all nodded. "Well he started," I took another drink.

"Oh, I get it now," Alice looked excited. "You like him, you think he is hot and now you need advice. It's about time Bella. You've stopped living long enough after that jerk. First things first, tomorrow we're going to go shopping to get you some new work clothes, then manicures and pedicures," she looked at Rosalie who was nodding.

I knew that I had to put an end to this before she had my marriage planned out.

"Well, no that's not exactly it," Alice stopped chattering and looked at me.

"Well then what then?" everyone was looking at me intently now.

"Well I know this new lawyer already. In fact you all do," I could tell the exact moment when it dawned on them.

"No…," Alice raised her hand to her mouth, her face draining of color. "Please Bella. Please tell me it isn't who I think it is."

Emmett's fists were clenched and I realized that perhaps this was not the best idea but I needed to talk to someone about it and they were the only ones that I trusted.

"If you're thinking it was Edward then you are correct," I took another drink and didn't dare look up from the ice cubes floating around in the glass.

"Are you okay Bella," Emmett placed one of his hands on mine and the tears instantly filled my eyes again. I tried to nod but I couldn't fool them. They were my closest friends and they had had front row seats to this disaster.

Before I knew it I was telling them everything. From the first time I saw him in the meeting to our highly censored night in the hotel room to everything that happened afterwards and ended with the flower today.

"Does he think that one simple flower fixes everything?" Alice was dabbing at her eyes with a napkin. "He admitted to you that he did cheat on you," I tried to interrupt but she held up her hand. "No, Bella. I don't care that you agreed to see other people. There is a difference between having dinner with someone and having sex with someone. You were together for four years he should have had the balls to at least let you know that he had serious feelings about someone else. He owed you that much Bella. He should have given you the opportunity to decide whether or not you were okay with being together when he was whoring his way around England. He killed a part of you Bella when he did this to you. Is there anything that he can say that would actually make things better? I understand you have to work together but you don't owe him more than that. Don't let him make you believe otherwise either."

"It's just so hard to see him and not remember what we used to have," I sighed and Emmett put his arm around me. "He used to be my whole world."

"Used to be Bella, he isn't anymore and no one should be. You've learned that you can survive on your own and you can't let yourself forget that Bella. If you want to be with him again we will all be here for you and support you in whatever decision you make," everyone around the table nodded. Even though I could tell it wasn't the easiest thing for them to do. "But Bella don't sell yourself short. Don't make this easy for him. He doesn't deserve a second chance after what he has done but that is your decision not ours. Just remember that you deserve the best and don't settle for anything or anyone less than that." She leaned across the table and hugged me and I could feel the tears falling from my eyes. This was exactly what I had needed. To know that they trusted me to do what was right and that they were here for me. I had no intention of letting him back into my life but I needed them to know that he was back.

"Okay, enough of this," I said as I wiped the last of my tears away. "Let's dance."

We all made our way to the dance floor. I thankfully somehow managed to escape clumsiness when dancing. It was nice to just be there with friends, forget about things for a while and escape life. Men approached me and wanted to dance and for the first time in a long time I let them. I wasn't looking for love, wasn't looking for commitment but I deserved a chance to at least live, have fun with the opposite sex without worrying about what it might lead to.

By the end of the night we were all hot and sweaty but we had all had a great time. We grabbed a bite to eat and then Alice and Jasper drove off after each giving me warm hugs. I got into Emmett's car and we headed back to my place. When we got there I leaned forward and gave Rose a hug goodbye and Emmett walked me up to the front of the building.

He hugged me in the way that only he was capable of and as he let me go he looked into my eyes. "Bella, I'll support whatever you decide to do. Just know one thing. If that bastard hurts you again there is nothing that you can say that will stop me from hurting him." I nodded, slightly afraid of Emmett in that moment but knowing that he had my best interests at heart.

As I walked into my apartment my eyes automatically went to the rose sitting on my counter. I sighed and headed to my room to shower and get ready for bed. It was clear that I had a lot of things to think about. I needed to determine if I would ever be able to forgive him, if after what he did to me he was worthy of a second chance.

As I lay in bed I thought over the past couple of days. What had been said, what had been done and there was one thing that was clear. I couldn't just ignore the past between us, it would always be there but in order to fully move on I needed some answers. I didn't care how difficult it would be I needed some closure and Edward was the only one who could give that to me. It was the least he could do for me. My decision made I got up and went to my computer and emailed him confident that he would check them before I woke up in the morning. Edward has always been a night person. I headed back to bed and tried to get some rest knowing that tomorrow was going to be yet another difficult day.

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_**Once again I want to be clear that she is not forgiving him, she just wants answers that she wasn't ready to listen to five years ago. She is ready to move on with her life and she just needs to close this chapter of her life. That doesn't mean he is ready to let her go but I promise that he isn't going to dazzle her and life is grand again.**_

_**Thanks for reading and let me know what you are thinking.**_


	8. I Deserve to be Happy

_**A/N **_

_**Okay, here is a slightly longer chapter than the last one. They finally talk about what happened in the past and although it was hard to write it was necessary.**_

_**Thanks so much again for all of the incredible reviews I get. I know I keep promising this but I will be responding to them. I was going to after I posted the last chapter but then I started writing this instead. **_

_**Thank you again…I do not own the characters and enjoy.**_

EPOV

My Blackberry buzzed on the counter indicating that I had an email. Who in the world would email me at this hour? I opened up my email on my laptop and looked at the message in my inbox. My heart raced when I realized who it was from…_Bella. _I did not hesitate and opened it immediately, curious as to what would cause her to email me at this hour.

I held my breath for the second it took to load and then read it over and over again to make sure that I was actually correct and that my eyes weren't deceiving me. She wanted to talk again. She wanted to do it tomorrow and at her place. That was either a good or bad thing but I'm sure it had more to do with her comfort level than anything else. I quickly responded and let her know that I would be there in the morning. I decided that I should try to get some rest because tomorrow I was going to have to be honest with her about what had happened that summer and how badly I had messed things up. A part of me knew that this was necessary in order to move on with our relationship no matter the nature of it. I would answer every question honestly no matter how difficult it was. That was the very least I could do for her.

I went to my room and put my head on the pillow. The minutes and hours ticked by before I eventually drifted off to sleep. The same image kept replaying itself in my dreams, Bella's face in her truck that day. Tears streaming down her face and the sadness that was in her eyes. It had been haunting my dreams more and more since I had seen her again. I woke up with a start and decided it was time to just get up and get ready.

In the shower I tried to come up with a game plan. I wasn't sure if I should just walk in, sit down and tell her everything or let her decide how she wanted to do this. Yes, that would be the best decision. Let her have control of this. She would tell me what she wanted to know and I would answer. I felt slightly better knowing that I at least had some idea of how I was going to handle this.

I finished getting ready and went to my car. Stopping on the way I picked up some coffee and pastries and got to her place a few minutes early. I sat there in my car until it was time and then walked up to her door. The door was opened before I had even finished knocking. I didn't see this as a sign of her eagerness to see me but instead a sign of her eagerness to get this over with. She looked tired, there were circles under her eyes and I knew that all the pain and stress in her face was because of me.

She motioned for me to down on the couch in the living room and went to go get some plates and napkins for the pastries. I just sat down and waited for her to return. It wasn't long but I took the opportunity to look around her place. I looked at the pictures hanging on the walls and the colors the walls were painted. Everything in here seemed warm and inviting, just like she was.

When she got back in the room she sat down in a couch across from me and looked down at her coffee. I waited, the silence growing in the room.

"Thank you for coming here," I looked up at her and wanted to do something in order to take the sadness out of her eyes. I remembered when she had walked into that meeting a few weeks ago. The sound of her laughter and the carefree way in which she had spoken, it was something I wanted to see again. Looking at her I realized I was a fool all those years ago. I had loved her and yet I decided that satisfying my own selfish needs was more important than her love. My hands trembled slightly as I set down my coffee cup on the table.

"Bella," I took a deep breath and was about to continue when she stopped me.

"Please," her voice was shaky as she continued, "please don't say my name." Her head was hung down and she wouldn't even look at me. I had done this to her, I had earned this but it killed me to see her like that. She had suffered enough and I wasn't here to torture her any further.

"Of course, I understand," even if it killed me. "I want to tell you everything that happened while I was gone. You deserve to know exactly what happened. I will answer any question that you have." I waited for a minute, unsure if she wanted to start questions now or if I should continue. Just as I was about to start speaking again she asked her first question.

"How many women were there? While you were gone and so desperate for us to see other people how many woman did you see?" She looked right into my eyes, not backing down. Eventually I had to look away, ashamed of myself.

"There was only one. It was never my intention to see some else Be… It was never my intention. I didn't want you to be sitting at home missing out on life because I was in a different country. I didn't want you to resent me for leaving and…"

She cut me off her voice rising as she spoke. "Is that how you justified it to yourself Edward? Poor Bella, without me she will just sit at home and do nothing. She has no friends she has no life so I must grant her freedom? She is incapable of waiting a few months for me. She has no willpower, no control." Her hands were clenched at her side. "Be man enough to admit you did this for yourself Edward, you wanted to be free to do whatever you wanted without any guilt."

"No, Bel…no!! I never intended to see anyone else. I told everyone I met about you. I had your pictures all over my room. Tanya and I were just friends, she had a boyfriend too and we would get together and talk about our relationships," I could see Bella roll her eyes but I continued on. "Then one day her boyfriend broke up with her and she came to me first. She fell asleep in my arms crying. I immediately felt ashamed that I had let some other woman even get close to me and avoided her. Then one day we were in the library together studying and we kissed." I wanted to gloss over this part but I knew that Bella deserved to know exactly what happened. "We kissed and then went back to my room and we had sex." I looked up at her and saw her flinch when I said the words. "It happened more than once and every time I felt incredibly guilty and yet I continued." She wiped a tear from her eye but didn't say a word so I kept talking.

"I didn't know what to do, how to make things better. I loved you so much and yet I couldn't stop myself. When it was time to go home I was grateful that it was over, that I wouldn't have to see her anymore. I couldn't wait to see you, I was nervous and debated about whether or not I should tell you," her eyes blazed and her fingers were turning white from the force at which she was clenching them.

"I saw you at the airport and I was scared. I was scared that I would lose you after you knew what I had done. You were so happy to see me and I wanted to cherish that knowing that you might never look at me that way again. When we got to my parents house everyone was there. All I had wanted to do was talk to you but not with everyone there. At some point Tanya called my cell phone and I went upstairs to talk to her. James must have come in at the end of the conversation and started asking questions and I told him that she was someone I had met at Oxford. He immediately asked about you and I let him know that we had agreed to see other people while I was gone. That is when he asked if I would be okay with you dating someone else and I told him that if it was what you wanted I wouldn't stop you." I finally looked up and saw the hatred and pain in her eyes. I knew what those words I had said had caused and I had never talked to James again after that day.

She took a deep breath and opened her mouth and then closed it again. She repeated this step before she began to talk. "So although this seeing other people was supposedly for me you certainly took full advantage of it didn't you? I went on one date while you were gone…ONE! I immediately felt guilty afterwards. I only went in the first place because my friends begged me to. I didn't want to. I loved you and missed you. You were the only person for me Edward! No one could take your place for any period of time. Yet you didn't hesitate to go out there and screw someone else, to place your hands on someone else's body, to betray everything that we had had. I don't care if we agreed to see other people. There is a difference between having coffee with someone and fucking them!" I flinched at her language.

"It wasn't like that though, I never stopped thinking of you, never stopped wanting you," that apparently was the wrong thing to say.

"So Edward you were thinking of me when you were inside her? Thinking of me when you kissed her? Would that have made it better for you I wonder?" She cocked her head to the side. I wasn't sure what she was talking about so I stayed silent and let her continue. She turned her head back towards me and looked in my eyes when she stared speaking again. "If you knew that while you were gone some other man had had his hands on me, some other man was inside me, I had some other man in my mouth would it have been fine if I told you that it meant nothing because I had been thinking of you?"

I felt sick at the thought of any other man with his hands on her body. "No," it was barely a whisper. "I would have wanted to kill him for touching what was mine."

"Yours…YOURS? If I was yours Edward you wouldn't have thrown me aside while you went and had your fun. You would have been honest with me in the beginning. You could have told me what had happened and let me make the decision about whether or not I wanted to be at that airport waiting for you. Let me decide if I was I willing to move on together. Not humiliate me in front of your family because you gave James permission to be with me but never bothered to clue me in. You owed it to me after so many years together to talk to me." She had gotten up and was pacing around the room now.

"I have no excuses Bella," she glared at me when I used her name. "I have no excuses. You are right, I was an asshole. As soon as it happened I should have told you about it, let you decide whether or not you wanted to continue our relationship. I was so scared of losing you though."

She laughed, "Well that worked out quite well for you didn't it? At least you had someone to fall back on. I was left alone, all my plans for the future gone just like that," she snapped her fingers. "I had let my life revolve around you. I'm sure that you consoled yourself with her though while I was in my room crying."

"No, it wasn't like that. I never talked to her again. I couldn't, she only reminded me of what I had done to you."

She stopped pacing and looked at me with hate in her eyes, "You never talked to her again? What kind of unfeeling bastard are you?" I shook my head and debated about walking over to her. "You used her too. You got what you wanted from her and I'm sure told her what she wanted to hear and then tossed her aside. As much as it hurt I am glad that I found out then before we got married, had a family and then one day you decided to find someone else."

"No, I would never have done this if I hadn't left. I would never have married you and then left you," I would never do that to her.

"So you think that this character flaw only emerged because you were in England? While you were gone Edward I realized how much I loved you. That whole distance makes the heart grow fonder. When I went on that one date I realized that all I wanted was you, no one made me feel the way that you did and I was happy that us being apart made it clear that all I would ever need would be you. Even though you said we should date other people I was confident that you had discovered the same thing too because you would always call me and tell me how much you loved me, how much you missed me." Her face drained of color and she put her hand to her mouth, "It was after you slept with her wasn't it? You would call me every time after you screwed her," she looked at me. "Every time you called and told me you loved me I felt comfort, I felt joy and you only did it because you felt guilty. You wanted to string me along so that you would still have someone to fuck when you got back home." I hated to hear her talk like this, it wasn't her.

"No…it wasn't like that. Yes, I called you after I had slept with her. I felt so guilty and I wanted to hear your voice to know that you were still there. I should have told you, I shouldn't have kept doing it. I just didn't want to lose you. I was a selfish bastard, I know that. Please believe me when I say that I am sorry that I hurt you so badly. It was never my intention. Bella, I loved you so much that I went crazy when I wasn't with you anymore. I'm not condoning my actions, there is no excuse. But please don't think that I didn't tell you because I wanted to use you when I got back. Never think that I only wanted you for sex, you know better than that."

"Do I? Do I really know this Edward? Because everything you ever told me was invalidated the second you decided to keep this from me. You should have believed in me enough to tell me after it happened the first time. You should have believed in us!"

"I did, I did believe in us." I was trying desperately to not go to her, to not hold her as the tears fell from her eyes. How many times did I have to hurt her?

"NO…if you had believed in us then none of this would have ever happened. There would be no Tanya. But you know what Edward I think I would have been okay if it had happened once. I think I would have understood that you got caught up in the heat of the moment. I would have given you the benefit of the doubt perhaps. But to do it over and over again, what kind of selfish bastard are you? You feel bad and yet you keep going back again, not saying a word to me other than filling my head with lies. Don't tell me you wanted to let me know. No I take that back, you may have told me when you got back but that in itself was selfish and you know it. You didn't want me the chance to decide on my own, you wanted to tell me when it would be harder for me to run away, when it would be harder for me to move on. I think that in itself may be the most selfish thing you did."

She was right, every single word of it. I knew that if I could hold her, touch her; then I would have been able to make her listen to me when I got back. She knew me so well.

"I'm sorry, I don't think I can say it enough. I knew that if I could explain it to you face to face I could make you listen. I could make you see that I never meant for any of it to happen. I missed you so damn much, I wasn't thinking straight."

"So that makes it all better Edward? Poor Edward he was so lonely, he missed me so much that he just had to have sex with someone else to survive. I feel for you Edward, I really do. Because let me tell you, it was a blast here without you. I missed you terribly. Every night I went to bed thinking of you, wishing your arms were wrapped around me. I haven't had a good night's sleep since you left. Even now my own body betrays me because of you. I can't escape you, not matter how hard I try. Why Edward? Why wasn't I enough?" Then she broke down sobs wracking her body.

I debated but in the end my body moved on its own. I went over to her and just held her while she cried. Not pushing her I just let her get it all out and tried to comfort her the best way that I could. Eventually she calmed down and instantly pulled away from me. It hurt but I wouldn't have expected anything less.

"Bella, you were always more than I deserved. Everyone knew that, even my own parents realized that. You gave me everything that you had and I took, I took it all without questioning how much it took for you to do that. I had promised you that I would wait as long as it took to earn your trust and then I ruthlessly exploited it. I'm willing to wait again though Bella, I will wait as long as it takes to earn your trust again and I promise I won't betray it this time around."

"Edward don't make promises that you can't possibly keep. You can't promise that you will never hurt someone. All you can promise is to be honest, to not hide things." She scooted back and looked at me. "Edward you hurt me more than I could ever even describe. But I've spent far too long not living because of you. I can't spend my life not taking a chance, not wanting to get hurt. If seeing you again has done anything for me it has reminded me of how happy I used to be, how happy I could be again. I deserve that Edward…I want that. I want to remember what it is like to sleep peacefully again. Do you know that I haven't slept well since you left five years ago? Every night when you were in England I used to fall asleep imaging your arms around me and couldn't wait until you came back so I could feel them again. I just wanted to feel safe again." The pain of hearing her utter these words tore me apart. Her eyes never left mine as she continued to speak. "I just want to be happy again Edward. I have to believe that somewhere there is someone who will love me and only me. I think that I deserve that and I want that. I just want to be happy."

What could I say? She was right. She did deserve to be happy. Isn't that what you wanted when you loved someone? You wanted them to be happy, even if it wasn't you who made them happy.

"Bella," I could hear my voice shaking. In all those years since she had left I knew that I would never have a chance again but this past week I had allowed myself to hope and that hope was slowly dying. "After you drove away that day I had hoped that one day I would get the chance to at least explain and apologize. I realize that no words I can say will take away the pain and change what I did but I just want you to know how much I regret throwing away something that meant the world to me. I was selfish and didn't think of what it might do to you. I was only worried about what might happen to me when I got back. I'll never be able to make it up to you but please know that I would do anything if it would somehow help. I never meant to take away your happiness, to strip away your ability to love," it was clear that like me there had been no one else since we separated. Unfortunately the last person I ever touched was Tanya though and not her.

"Thank you Edward, for being honest. For coming here telling me everything that happened. I think I needed that, I feel like I can move on now." She looked up at me. Her face was still filled with sadness but she didn't look as defeated as she had earlier.

"Of course Bella. If it makes you feel better my parents haven't really forgiven me either," she looked confused. "I told them everything after you ran out that day. Told them what I had done and they were furious. They informed me that I was a selfish unfeeling bastard for hurting you. It killed Esme that you never talked to her again, you were like a daughter to her and I took that away with my actions."

She brushed away tears again, "Please tell her that I said hello. I've missed her too." She sighed and I could tell she was as drained as I felt. Talking today had accomplished a lot but it had been tiring. I hoped that in some small way she had begun to forgive me a bit and that we had made a step towards at least being friends.

"I'll let her know you said hello. She will be happy to know that I've seen you," actually she might not be. She would be worried that I would hurt Bella again and she would be correct.

"You haven't told her yet?"

"No, I really didn't know what to say yet. I know they would have a lot of questions that I couldn't quite answer. I wanted to actually talk to you first, to see how you were doing." She just simply nodded.

"Thank you Bella, for talking to me. For letting me know exactly what I did back then. I've tried to change since then. I wanted to be that person you seemed to think I was, a person who was worthy of someone like you."

"Has there been anyone else Edward? Since Tanya?" Since Tanya, she would always be there, a shadow whenever Bella thought of me.

"No. I had lost the one person who mattered and though I tried to move on there was no one who even compared."

She looked up at me, "I understand completely."

"I think I had better go now though, I don't want to wear out my welcome here. I've said what I had to say. Is there anything else you need to know? Do you have any more questions?"

"No, I think I've heard enough for one day. I think I needed to know though, I needed to understand why." She stood up and walked me to the door. She whispered goodbye as she closed and locked the door behind me. I wasn't sure if I felt better or worse as I walked to my car but at least I had told her the truth. I couldn't help but notice that the rose had been sitting on the counter and dared to hope that at some point I could manage to make this all up to her. Even if I could never be a part of her life in that way again I just wanted to know that she was happy, even if it killed me.

_**So…there you have it. He wasn't forgiven but she feels like she can finally move on with her life again.**_

_**Let me know what you think and I'll be back soon.**_

_**Jaime**_


	9. Finding the Answers

_**A/N **_

_**What happens after their talk? They still have to work together but will it be easier now?**_

_**As always thank you so much for the incredible reviews. I love seeing the opinions of Edward and it makes me happy to know that so many of you think he doesn't even deserve her anymore. **_

_**I promise that I will be responding to reviews, it is just obviously going to take me some time.**_

_**Thank you again…I do not own the characters and enjoy.**_

BPOV

I closed the door on Edward and leaned against it and weighed my options. I could sit here and continue to dwell on a past that was over and done with or I could move on with life. I chose the latter option. It was time for me to move on, time for me to live again. Picking up the phone I called Alice, I knew that she would be able to help me.

To say that she was ecstatic to hear from me would be putting it mildly. We spent the day with Rosalie, shopping, pampering, and gossiping. I told them everything that had happened with Edward, including our trip to Tahoe. It was exactly what I needed. Someone other than him to share all this with, I needed to stop holding it all in. It felt so damn good to have someone else to talk about these past few weeks. Someone who would be on my side, someone who would let me know that everything was going to be alright.

"I want to cut off his balls and shove them down his throat," that was exactly what I had been hoping for. Rosalie never beat around the bush.

"I'll hold him down," Alice held a butter knife menacingly in her hand.

"There is no need to get violent," they actually had me laughing. "It is the past, I just wanted to let you know that I am ready to move on but I need help. I need you guys to keep me on the right track, to push me when I am ready to give up. Please."

"Of course," they both replied at the same time.

"It's about time. You've wasted too much time on that worthless bastard," that is why I loved them.  
"I have just the guy for you too, I work with him. He is so nice, smart, kind." They were always on my side, despite the fact that I had run away all those years ago, they were here for me unconditionally.

"Thanks. You'll be the first person I call when I am ready to date okay Alice." it was all I could say without crying. She smiled at me and reached across the table to squeeze my hand.

We avoided the topic of Edward for the rest of the afternoon. We just enjoyed being with each other and I felt as if a weight had been lifted off of me and for the first time in a long time I was looking forward to tomorrow.

EPOV

The minutes dragged by after I left her house. After what seemed like an eternity it was finally time to head to work. I sat in my office counting down the minutes until our meeting was scheduled. I headed to the conference room early and was not surprised to find that I was the first one there. I took a seat and waited once again.

Every time the door to the meeting room opened I almost dropped the pen I was twirling in my fingers. I tried to remember to breathe as I watched person after person walk into the room. I was only interested in one person and they seemed to be waiting until the very last minute to join the meeting.

Then the door opened and I could smell her before I could see her. That intoxicating scent of fruit and flowers filled my nose. I dropped my pen on the table and used all the willpower I had to not instantly turn to look at her. She walked across the room and looked around. It did not take her long to determine that the only seat left was next to me. She strode across the room and took her seat. Amazing would not even begin to describe the way she looked. She had on a light blue skirt with a darker blue turtle neck sweater. It had always been my favorite color on her but I didn't try to read too much into it as she sat down next to me.

"Edward," she looked at me and nodded.

"Bella," I smiled at her. She smiled very briefly and then looked away. It was better than not even looking at me I suppose.

The meeting went smoothly. Our working styles complemented each other perfectly and before long the meeting was over. We all collected our paper work and headed out to our offices. I watched her walk away and then started to head back to my office. The rest of the day was filled with paperwork but I didn't accomplish much. I kept thinking back to my conversation with Bella the day before and I realized that there was something I needed to do before I could ever hope of having her trust me again. It would be difficult and embarrassing but it was something that I needed to do. There were some answers I didn't have and until I did neither of us would be able to move on.

I got on my computer and found a list of people. I called each and every one until I found someone who would be able to fit me in this afternoon. Even if I never got her back I needed to give her one more thing. She deserved to know why things had ended so badly between us and I needed to find a way to give her that answer.

BPOV

I got back to my office and closed the door. Moving to my desk I sat down and took some deep breaths. Lifting my head I smiled. I had done it, I had sat down next to him and I had survived. I didn't have any urges to stab him with my pen and I didn't feel extreme hate for him either. Perhaps this could work out after all, we could work together like any other colleagues would and not experience any difficulties. For the first time in a long time I felt optimistic and ready to face whatever obstacle that could come my way.

As the day winded down I packed some files in my bag and prepared to head home. I had fallen behind these past few days with everything that had been happening and was prepared for a long night of catching up.

The next few weeks followed in the same manner. We had to meet every few days to go over the case together and while I wouldn't exactly call it comfortable we were polite. He never tried for more. He never attempted to push beyond the boundaries I had set for myself. As each day went by I became less and less apprehensive and actually found myself laughing with him one day. It was at that moment that I knew that I needed to try again. It was time to get out there and to stop being afraid. The big question now was how.

I hesitated before dialing the numbers on the phone. Once I hit send there was no turning back. But she had been calling and checking in on me every day since we went shopping and I know she couldn't wait to get me back on the scene as she called it. I crossed my fingers and hit send. No use putting it off any longer.

"Bella, does this phone call mean what I think it means? I have just the guy, his name is Eric and he works in the office with me and…" I zoned out for the rest of the phone call. All I knew is that on Saturday night at 8 for the first time in a long time I had a date. Alice was coming to my place at 3 to help me get ready. I was a bit scared to find out what she was going to do to me that required 5 hours of prep time but I didn't complain. I knew that they had been patient with me these past few years and all my friends just wanted me to find what they had.

I tried to not think about my date for the rest of the week at work. On Friday Edward asked me if I had any plans for the weekend and I was honest with him. It wasn't hard to see the pain that flashed quickly in his eyes but he told me to have a great time and quickly walked away. I watched him as he made his way back to his office and even though I knew he didn't deserve it I felt bad for him. I knew that he had kept to himself after he started. He was the talk of the office all the women wanted to know his status and he systematically shot each and every one of them down. More than a few of them had told me that he was interested in me, that it was obvious by the way he looked at me but I offered no information or encouragement on the subject.

As I headed home I hoped that he at least had some plans for the weekend. Alice was at my house at 3 sharp the next day. She did my hair; she did my make up made me try on outfit after outfit before she finally declared me ready to go at 7:30. She had wanted him to pick me up at my place but I had refused. I wanted to have a way out. Perhaps not the best way to go into a date but I was being practical. I walked into the restaurant and looked around for the man that Alice had described to me. I found him sitting at a round table against the back wall of the restaurant. He saw me approaching and immediately stood up to pull my chair out for me. After I got settled in my seat we just sat there and looked at each other for a minute. I wasn't sure what to say and he seemed to be having the same issues.

"Well," we both started at the same time and laughed.

"How long have you known Alice," he asked after I waved for him to start first.

From there on the conversation flowed and the dinner was enjoyable. We found that we shared a lot of the same tastes and views. He was the head of IT for Alice's company and appeared to be quite shy like me. Before I knew it we were sharing dessert at the end of our meal. He paid the bill and walked me to my car.

"I had a great time Bella," he opened my car door for me and waited patiently for me to get in.

"I did too, thank you for a wonderful evening," I smiled up at him.

"Would you be free to do something next weekend," he looked down, avoiding eye contact with me.

"I would love that," his smile lit up his whole face. He raised my hand to his lips and gave it light kiss before letting go and closing my door. He stood in the same place watching me drive away. I looked down at my hand and smiled. Things had gone very well tonight and I was looking forward to next weekend. I know that Alice would be sitting by her phone waiting for me to call and give her all the details from this evening so as soon as I got home I washed up and changed into my pajamas and spent the rest of the evening going over every detail of the date. I could hear Jasper in the background begging for some attention but she shooed him away and continued to talk to me.

After an hour I finally managed to get her off the phone and promised that I would go shopping with her Saturday to pick out my next date outfit. I thanked her again and hung up the phone. I went to my bedroom and climbed into bed. For once I feel asleep quickly and thankfully dreamt of nothing.

EPOV

She was out there right now on a date with someone. I shouldn't be mad, I should be happy. She was finally moving on with her life like she was supposed to but I would be lying if I said it wasn't painful for me to imagine her with someone. I had been trying hard to not press her at work. I had been polite but not pushy. I'm sure I was getting a reputation at work for being aloof to the women at work but everyone paled in comparison to Bella. She was all I could see, she was all that I wanted. We had been talking more and more at work. It was all work related of course but one day I said something and she had actually laughed with me. The sound of her laughter was something that I would never be able to forget. I had never expected to hear it again. Perhaps we could be friends at some point after all.

When I left work later that day I made my way to my weekly 6pm appointment. For the past three weeks I had been going to a psychiatrist to talk about Bella. All these years I had known that what I had done was wrong but I never bothered to worry about why I had done it and after talking with Bella I realized that she still deserved that answer. It would always hang over her and she didn't deserve that at all. I never wanted her to think that she had been to blame for my actions.

So every week I sat down and talked to Dr. Andrews. I have to admit it was nice to talk with someone who didn't judge me when I told the story of what had happened. She just let me talk without input. She would ask questions every now and then but in the beginning she just let me get it out. Then she began asking me the hard questions. The questions that forced me to examine my actions and find the answers that I had wanted.

"I was scared," it came out one day unexpectedly. She said nothing so I continued. "I was scared. When I got there I could barely function without her. I considered coming back immediately after I got there but I knew it was too good of an opportunity to pass up. Then I wondered about what would happen if we got accepted to different schools and what we would do after graduation. Would we break up? I planned on marrying her. We had already planned our future. How would that work if I could barely manage to get up in the morning when she wasn't around? That is why I wanted her to see other people. I didn't want her to resent me for making her feel the way I felt. When I found Tanya I was grateful to have someone who was going through the same thing that I was. She understood what I was feeling and we helped each other survive. When her boyfriend broke up with her she was heartbroken. When she fell asleep in my arms that night I realized that I couldn't let that happen to me. I didn't want to end up broken like she was. I wanted to support Tanya but I didn't want to be around her either because she always reminded me of what might happen." I had been talking non-stop and paused to take a breath.

Dr. Andrews looked at me but didn't say a word. After a moment I continued again.

"When Tanya and I were studying that night she still looked so broken. All I could think of was how I didn't want that to be me one day. I never wanted to hurt that bad."

"So why would you be willing to put Bella through that then?"

"I figured that if I did it first than she wouldn't have a chance to hurt me."

That didn't work out the way I had planned on it. It was obviously not a good idea to begin with anyways. In order to not get hurt I was willing to hurt her? To say it out loud made me realize how wrong I had been all those years ago. In order to keep myself from getting hurt I was willing to destroy the one person who I hadn't wanted to lose. No wonder she had hated me.

I went into work the next day and wanted to talk to her. I wanted to see what her weekend plans were in hopes that we could talk about this and I could give her some closure. When she told me that she had a date I felt like throwing up. What had I expected though? That she would sit and wait around until I figured myself out and then take me back with open arms? Well a man could hope right?

So I put off talking to her not wanting to make things awkward between us again. I couldn't bring myself to ask her about her date but I couldn't help but notice that she was smiling more and just seemed happy. I tried to be happy for her, she deserved this but it was hard. She became more relaxed around me and I just decided to appreciate and enjoy whatever little part of her I could have.

I continued to see Dr. Andrews who encouraged me to not only talk to Bella about the past but Tanya as well if possible. She deserved an apology for the way I had used her and then abandoned her. To say that that phone call was difficult would be an understatement. She had a few choice words for me but in the end listened to what I had to say and then got off the phone with me quickly. I had to admit that I at least felt better for giving her an apology that was long overdue. It was finally a step in the right direction.

Work continued on and then one day it was time to go back to Tahoe for another meeting. It would just be Bella and I again and we were going to drive up together. On one hand this would be the perfect opportunity to talk to her but on the other I didn't want her angry and forced to fly home again. I was incredibly nervous as we met up the morning of the meeting. I said nothing as I got behind the wheel of the car and backed out of the parking lot.

"So Edward, what have you been up to lately?" It seemed like as good of an opening as any. Taking a deep breath I decided that now would be the time to tell her.

_**So Edward is going to try and talk to her in the car. Is it the best idea, that remains to be seen. Thank you again for reading this and please let me know what you think.**_


	10. What Do You Want?

_**A/N **_

_**Okay..for some reason Edward feels the need to share his revelations with Bella while she is trapped in a car beside him on the way to Tahoe. How will Bella respond?**_

_**Thanks again for all the incredible support and response to this story. I know that I am terribly behind on responding to reviews but one of these days it will happen I promise. You all blow me away with the amazing things you say and insight that you have.**_

_**One small sidenote…Bella WILL NOT date Jacob in future chapters. He is the first one who broke her heart so he is already done with.**_

_**I do not own these characters.**_

BPOV

These past few weeks had been incredible. Eric was a very sweet guy who did not question that I wanted to take things very slow. I did not feel the need to tell him about the past. I had shared that information with Edward and it had backfired on me. At some point I would just scare people away when I told them I had been hurt badly in the past. We had been on four dates and I really liked him. I was almost scared to admit it. We had even gone on a date with Rosalie, Emmett, Alice and Jasper and it hadn't been awkward at all. On the third date he finally kissed me and it was nice. There were no fireworks, no butterflies in the stomach but it had been enjoyable. I looked forward to our dates and hoped that at some point the sparks would fly but for now it was comfortable and that was not a bad thing.

When the trip to Tahoe came up I wasn't nearly as apprehensive as I had been the first time around. Edward and I had found a way to work together and have it not be strained. He kept his distance but we were friendly. I actually found myself looking forward to it a bit. It would be nice to actually just talk to him, we always used to have a great time just sitting around and talking. When I got into the car though the first thing I noticed was how nervous he was. I thought we were past all of that so I just asked him what he had been up to. It seemed like a fairly innocent question. His hands gripped the wheel tighter and his face was pained as he looked at me.

"There is something I need to tell you Bella," I was confused but nodded. "I've been seeing a psychiatrist for the past few weeks and I need to share some things with you."

"Edward, really you don't need to tell me any of this. Those appointments are very personal and I have no right knowing what is going on in them," I didn't want him to share any of this. We were colleagues and only colleagues. You didn't tell your coworker about your psych appointment.

"No, I've been going so that I could talk about you," my mouth dropped open in shock. Talk about me? Why in the world would he need to talk about me?

"Why?" It was the only word I could manage to get out.

"Bella, I never gave you an answer as to why I did the things I did. I needed someone to talk to so that I could give you the answer that you deserved." Words still escaped me so I just nodded. I decided that I should never take another car trip with Edward again.

"Do you mind if we talk about this right now?" Was there really a choice? He was obviously determined to talk about it and I suppose that sooner was better than later.

"Sure, go ahead." He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye and took a deep breath and then began to talk.

His words filled the car. His voice was monotone as if he was trying his hardest to just get through this. He told me everything that he had discovered after speaking to Dr. Andrews and I just listened. I didn't know what to say. I almost thought that having no answer was better than this one.

He finished speaking and then just waited for me to say something. What could I say though?

"So you were scared? Scared about what would happen if I found someone else so in order to save yourself from heartbreak you decided to find someone else first? Please feel free to correct me if I am wrong here," he sighed.

"I didn't want to get hurt so I hurt you instead. It was stupid but it made sense at the time," he was finally being brutally honest with me. Giving me the answers that I had thought I had always wanted.

"And it doesn't make sense now?" I didn't even know why I was still talking but I had no avenue of escape. I was forced to sit here and listen to him and I couldn't help but think he had somehow planned it that way. I didn't want to be angry of the past anymore but I didn't see any way around it right now.

"No, I gave up everything I wanted and gained nothing," oh, poor little Edward. Not getting what he wanted.

"How do you think I felt Edward? I get that you are bummed out that your future turned out differently then you intended but you ruined mine too. Don't you think that I had made plans that involved you? You said you were scared that you were going to get hurt and yet you called me to tell me that we should see other people. That hurt Edward, it killed me to hear that you didn't want me anymore but I was stupid and I stuck around because to me you were worth it. If you had to discover what you wanted while you were gone I was willing to wait because all I had ever wanted was you."

He just sat there and listened. He didn't say a word and I continued.

"I'm happy for your self-discovery Edward and I hope that it helps you in the future but what do you expect from me? What do you want? Do you think that you can tell me you've figured out the answer and I'll run back to you? I wasn't good enough for you before, why would I be now? I would always be sitting there, waiting for the moment when you would realize that you didn't want me anymore and I am better than that Edward. I may not have believed that in the past but now I do."

My voice had risen steadily in the car and I was basically screaming at him at this point but I didn't care anymore. He had no right to keep bringing this up over and over again. I was trying to move on.

"Listen Edward, thank you for letting me know that you figured out what happened all those years. I'm glad that you got some answers for yourself but for me the answer will always be the same. I was not enough to hold you, sure there may be other factors behind that but that is what it boils down to."

"Bella, please…" I was on a roll and he wasn't about to interrupt me.

"No Edward, I am talking. You have learned some things these past few weeks but guess what, I have too. No longer will I settle for just being good enough for someone. If someone wants me than I damn well better be their everything and I will not accept anything less because when I fall in love I give 110% of myself and if someone can't do that then they had better just walk away now. Being scared is not a good enough excuse."

He looked ashamed and stared ahead as we drove. I almost regretted what I had said but it was the truth. There was one last question that I need an answer to, one last thing that I wanted to know and then I didn't want to talk about this subject anymore.

"What do you want Edward? What are you hoping the end result of all of this is? When you have your answers and you understand…then what?"

EPOV

Then what? I wanted her, for eternity. I would never be stupid enough to give her up twice but why would she believe that?

"Bella," I hesitated. Did she really want to know this? What would I solve by letting her know what I really wanted? We were at a point where we could be civil with each other and I wasn't sure that I was willing to give that up.

It was all or nothing time.

"I want you Bella," she look shocked. "You have to know that I want you back and I will do whatever it takes to get you back."

"Why," it was barely a whisper.

"You were the best thing that ever happened to me and I was stupid and ruined everything. I have never stopped loving you though. I want the chance to show you that you are my everything. I'm not scared of being hurt anymore. The only thing that I am scared of is losing you. Of never getting the chance to show you what you mean to me.

"I'm not yours to lose anymore Edward. You want me so badly because you can't have me but what happens when the thrill of the chase is gone and you actually have me? What do you do with me?"

"I love you, for every second of every day I show you that I love you, that I cherish you, that you are my life."

She laughed at me. "Edward you don't even know me anymore. You love the girl I was five years ago. The girl who thought you were Prince Charming. She doesn't exist anymore. You can't say you love me, that I'm your everything without knowing me." She let out a deep sigh. "Listen Edward, despite what happened in the past I don't want to hurt you. Lord knows it would be well deserved but I can't do it. You want to be friends, I'm willing to try but please don't delude yourself into ever thinking that it could be more than that. Please don't waste your time waiting for me, thinking that you have a chance. I can try to be your friend but I'm not willing to try any more than that."

My chest felt tight as I tried to breath. She was willing to try to be my friend and I would have to accept that because having her in my life in whatever aspect she could manage was fulfilling enough at the moment.

"I understand Bella, thank you for being willing to do that much." I turned up the music and the rest of the drive was made in relative silence. I could feel her staring at me occasionally but I stared straight ahead and concentrated on the road before me.

I had been stupid to expect that she would ever want more from me again. From here on out I would be her friend. It would be easier than not having her in my life at all. We arrived out our hotel and checked in, to separate rooms this time, and then headed to our meeting. Once again our work together was comfortable. At the end of the meeting the associates in this office invited us out to dinner and we agreed. It wasn't hard to notice the way they looked at her. She was a beautiful woman and she attracted attention even if she was oblivious to it.

Dinner was enjoyable and she drove back to our hotel afterwards. I walked her to her room and after she put her key in the slot she turned to look at me.

"Are you okay Edward?" I tried my best to smile for her.

"Yeah, I'll be fine," she looked at me carefully and seemed to be debating about whether or not to say something else when her phone rang. She took it out of her purse and I could see the name 'Eric'. She hesitated for a second.

"It's okay. I'm tired and want to get back to my room. Goodnight Bella," I walked away and didn't look back. I could hear her answer the phone. She sounded so excited when she said his name. I remembered when she used to talk to me like that on the phone and could only hope the he realized how lucky he was.

_**Okay…I am already writing the next chapter so it shouldn't take as long to update. It will be skipping ahead a few months so you have been warned. Thanks again for reading this and hope you enjoyed**_


	11. Six Months Later

_A/N – Okay I know I promised this much sooner but the whole family came down with the flu so life around here has not been the most conducive to writing. But I came up with this idea today so I decided to run with it and get it out before I forgot it. Hope you enjoy!_

_Thanks to everyone who is reading this story. I am working on getting the reviews responded to. Very slowly. _

_Thanks to Tiggrmommi for making all of this better and for Kellan! I can never thank you enough for Kellan._

_Thanks to Charley!_

_I do not own!_

_Six Months Later_

I sat there watching the two of them sitting there together. Her hand was resting on his arm as if it belonged there and there was a smile on his face. This is what I had wanted though, the whole moving on, being happy, etc. It was much easier in retrospect when it wasn't happening right in front of me. I had tried to date a few people too but had failed. Sure I never really let anyone get too close. Never let anyone move beyond a certain point but I had tried. Apparently I hadn't succeeded as well as they had. I didn't even know why I was here being forced to watch them but it was a company dinner and alas we were both part of the company. This damn company, I blamed it all for the state that my life was in at the moment.

I had been so happy when I had been offered the job. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined that it would come to this. I wanted to quit and never look back but this was too good of an opportunity for my career to just throw away. How would I explain that in future interviews? Well, I ran into someone from my past and I couldn't handle it so I ran away. Makes me sound completely trustworthy and stable doesn't it? So I stayed. I stayed and I tried to make my life into what I had always dreamed it would be.

The past few months had been a joke. The words that we exchanged on our drive up to Tahoe kept replaying in my mind. We had walked away from each other in the hallway and never mentioned them again. We tried to pretend that they never happened. We both had our closure and so it was time to move on. Friends….hah…yeah I guess you could say that we were friends. If your definition of a friend was someone who you could barely even manage to say a word to. Someone who you weren't truly comfortable being in any room alone with because your mind always invariably wandered back to the past.

Ah, the past. No matter how many times I tried ignore it it was always there. An underlying current beneath all of our conversations. I could tell that people could sense that there was something between us that we hadn't divulged but that was no one's business but our own. There was no way either of us was going to discuss it with anyone other than those who knew us back then. So I ignored the sly looks that people gave us when we happened to stop and talk in a hallway or come out of an elevator together. The spark that we had tried to ignore was still there whenever we were together but it was old news, it was time to move on.

I lifted my drink to my lips and watched them again. I would like to believe that I was being covert, that no one would be able to notice but I had never been that lucky. My date tried to get my attention. I could feel their hand cover mine as I placed it back on the table but it felt cold and lifeless against mine. I forced myself to pay attention to what was going on at my table, forced myself to be present so that no one could question my strange behavior.

That is why I allowed myself to be led from the table and to the dance floor. Tonight was a celebration. Our case in Lake Tahoe was finally complete. Months and months of hard work had finally been rewarded and tonight we were celebrating our triumph. All I felt though was sadness. Of course I was happy that all our hard work had paid off but it also meant that we would no longer be working together anymore. I'm sure there would be future cases that would need our combined knowledge but for now there were no plans on the immediate horizon. I would miss that. I never thought I would say those words.

We turned around the dance floor and I noticed that they joined us out there on the floor. I couldn't escape them. It was if they were taunting me. Their bodies were gliding together around the dance floor, looking as if they were made for each other. I felt the pressure of the hand pressed against my back and forced myself to pay attention to my date. I was being unforgivably rude and that wasn't like me. I turned my focus back to the person standing in front of me.

Somehow I managed to make it through the evening. I thought I was free and clear until my boss went up to the front of the room to speak a few words to us before the evening ended. He congratulated all of us on all of our hard work but there were two people in particular that he wanted to recognize. I looked at the door and calculated my chances of making it out of them before the inevitable happened but even I realized that they weren't good.

We were called up to the front of the room to stand next to him and we did. I counted the steps in my head, forcing myself to focus. He shook both of our hands and raised his glass to us, Edward Cullen and Bella Swan. A spectacular pairing he called us, something he hoped to see more of in the future. We waited out the applause and started to move back to our respective tables when the music started again. It was a slow familiar song. One that we had danced to many times in the past.

We looked at each for a split second and began to move our separate ways when our boss came up behind us.

"Come on you two, one dance. You've earned it."

We hesitated and then our bodies moved closer together and our arms wrapped around each other. I inhaled and smelled the unmistakable scent of us. Musky and floral combined together. Memories of the past flooded my mind, a thing that had been happening all too often lately. We moved together in silence, neither of us sure what to say. It had been years since we had been in this kind of contact with each other and we couldn't deny the electricity that was present around us. Instinctively we moved closer together as the song progressed, our hands moving along each other's backs.

I closed my eyes, just hoping to enjoy the moment. I hoped that this would be enough to help me move on. No longer would I dwell on the past now that I had had this moment. I wanted to stop thinking about the way we had been together, nothing had changed. We were two different people now, even I realized that. Working together only served to complicate things more. The past would always be there between us, I couldn't deny that but I felt like I was ready to get to know the new person in front of me.

As the song ended we stood there for a few moments, neither of us wanting to be the first one to let go. I reluctantly dropped my arms when I felt someone tapping on my shoulder. I forced myself to remember that I was here with someone and turned to look into their face. I was surprised to meet their eyes staring back into mine looking hurt and angry. Whatever in the world would cause that expression?

"What's wrong?"

"You actually have to ask?"

"I really have no idea why you're upset so yes I'm asking," I guided us across the dance floor and to a quiet corner of the room. I glanced quickly across the room and noticed that the same conversation appeared to be taking place in a different section of the ballroom.

"What is going on between the two of you?"

"Nothing," my answer was immediate.

"Don't lie to me. Anyone could see by the way that you two were holding each other that there is something there," ah, so it was still obvious.

"I'm not lying. There is nothing going on between the two of us." Technically it wasn't a lie either. No specific questions about the past were asked.

"Listen, I've been more than understanding these past few months. I've let you keep me out because I could tell you weren't ready. I've held back so much because of the way you obviously felt but I'm done with that. If you have someone else in your life tell me now or else I am walking out of here." We stared at each other in silence. I couldn't think of anything to say that would make things better and I wasn't even sure that I wanted to make things better anyways but I couldn't allow things to end this way.

"There is nothing going on between us. We used to date in the past. That is how we know each other. That is all," I looked down at my hands, trying to avoid eye contact.

"I don't think that that is all by a long shot. When you are ready to be honest give me a call, otherwise have a nice life," with those words I was alone. You would think that I would have been used to that by now.

I walked over to the bar and ordered another drink before I had to find a way home. People randomly came over and congratulated me on a job well done and I tried to be friendly while I made small talk. I scanned the room trying to catch a glimpse of them again but they were nowhere to be seen. Apparently their talk went much better than mine had. After taking one last sip I put my glass back down on the bar and headed to my table to get my jacket. I said my goodbyes and everyone was kind enough not to mention my date's disappearance.

Slipping my jacket on I made my way downstairs to find a cab in order to get home. It was cold outside and I hoped that I wouldn't have to wait too long. Suddenly I felt a presence next to me. I could tell who it was without even turning around. No one else made me feel that way just by merely standing close to me.

"Do you need a ride home?" I didn't turn around. I couldn't face sitting in a car with them.

"No, I'm fine thanks," I hoped that a cab would show up soon.

"Please, let me take you home. I can't just leave you out here," I turned around at the pleading tone and couldn't help but notice that we were standing there on the street alone.

"Where is your date?" It was the first thing that popped into my mind.

"They left unexpectedly. Same thing happen to you?" I nodded, not trusting any words that might come out of my mouth.

"Please, please let me give you a ride home before you freeze out here." I shivered again involuntarily and yet I still hesitated. Not sure if I was ready to take this step.

"That's it, your freezing. I'm not taking no for an answer," there was no use in fighting it. There was no cab in sight and I was freezing. With that I just followed as we made our way to the car. I focused on the sound of our shoes on the concrete to keep from thinking about us being in a car alone, it never seemed to end well in the past. I slid into the passenger seat and held my hands out to the heater vent after the car started. I waited for the car to move and was surprised it didn't. I looked over to the driver's side, puzzled.

"Okay, you can take me home now," I just wanted to get this over with. This night had been more than anyone should have to experience.

"Sorry, just trying to figure out the best way to go," I laughed in spite of myself. Of course, that made sense. I gave directions to my place and we drove in silence. The car stopped in front of my home and I didn't hesitate. I grabbed my stuff and reached for the door.

"Well thank you for the ride," I opened my door and got out. I was ready for this night to just be over with.

"Anytime Bella," I closed the door and couldn't help but notice that he waited until I was safely inside before he drove away.

_Well hope you enjoyed. I wouldn't expect more very quickly but I will do what I can._

_Jaime_


	12. Why Wouldn't I Be Okay?

_A/N – Thanks everyone for their patience while the family came down with the plague. We are finally healthy and not living at the doctor's office so I was able to get this out. Thank you for the response to the last chapter. I know it was a bit different but I really wanted to keep the identity a secret. Hope you enjoy this and more will be coming soon, I've already started the next chapter._

_Thank you again for all the wonderful reviews, they really do make my day. _

_Thanks to Tiggrmommi for all your help along the way!_

_I do not own!_

EPOV

I watched her as she walked away from my car and up to her door. I debated several times about stopping her and asking her to talk to me but I restrained myself. She had looked lovely tonight and it took everything I had to force myself to pay attention to my date. Jessica was someone that a friend had thought I might like and the beginning of the date had left me questioning whether or not I had done something in the past to upset them. Obviously they didn't know me well if they set me up with someone like that. She was clingy, never stopped talking and seemed to assume that we had hit it off and started making plans for months in the future. It didn't take long before I had tuned her out completely during the dinner. I could barely keep my eyes off Bella. She had brought Derek of course. She had been dating him for a few months and I had seen him in her office a few times. It was hard to not just stare at them together the entire evening. I had to at least pretend to have some interest in my date. I really did try to talk to her but it was a useless endeavor, she just had nothing of interest to say so after another failed attempt I returned to watching Bella. When I saw her on the dance floor Jessica noticed my interest but misinterpreted it as interest in dancing and I didn't have the heart to tell her no so we joined Bella in the middle of the floor. I watched the two of them together, they seemed so comfortable together. I wanted so badly to be the one holding her out there on the floor but I had tried to restrain myself where she was concerned. We were finally able to have some semblance of a friendship and I didn't want to push that. I was willing to accept my role in her life in whatever capacity she was willing to have me.

The rest of the night passed in a blur. I think I managed to be polite to Jessica and to maintain conversations at the table without appearing to be too distracted. I thought that I had actually survived the evening when our boss called us to the front of the room. She looked frightened, her breathing coming a bit quicker, her eyes wide but I couldn't imagine why. If her date had done something to upset her than I would be more than willing to throw him out of here. I was focused on the joy I would feel when throwing him out that I almost missed my bosses last words. Dance together? I almost wanted to kiss the man, I knew she wouldn't refuse his request and finally I would be able to feel her in my arms even if she was there against her will.

We stepped closer together and I wrapped my arms around her. Thankfully I was taller than her so it wouldn't be noticeable when I smelled her hair. I missed that smell, so fresh and inviting. We didn't speak but somewhere in the middle of the song we both moved to hold each other tighter. My body trembled with her closeness and I took the chance of moving my hands along her back and was surprised when she did the same thing to me. I wanted to pick her up and carry her out of here, take her somewhere where I could just hold her all night. Everything in the world was right when she was in my arms. But all too soon the song was over and we just stood there for a moment, looking at each other. The spell was broken when her date came and took her away from me. It was obvious that he was upset and I reached my hand out wanting to pull her away from him when Jessica was suddenly in front of me. She grabbed my outstretched hand and led me back to our table. Everyone else who had been sitting there was now dancing and so we were able to talk.

"What's going on between the two of you?" She was more observant than I gave her credit for.

"Nothing," she was the last person I would be willing to discuss this with.

"Edward, give me some credit here. You are obviously not interested in me but it is obvious that you feel something for her," she pointed at Bella who appeared to be in the middle of a heated conversation in the corner of the room. I still had the insane desire to go and rescue her but didn't think it would be well received by either of our dates.

And then I did something that I hadn't done with anyone outside of my therapist, I told her about our past, told her about everything that had happened and it felt good to just talk about it. I was relieved that she didn't look horrified even as I told every last terrible detail. She just nodded her head and put her hand over mine.

"Have you talked to her about this?" Talked, of course we had talked. It seems that we did nothing but talk.

"Yes, of course," she smiled at me then. "Edward, it would be hard to not notice that there is something between the two of you. Even if she isn't willing to admit to it. It is obvious that her date has noticed the same thing," I looked over and I could see him walking out of the room while Bella stood in the corner. "I don't think that the road ahead will be easy for either of you but I don't think that either of you will be happy with anyone else. Until you figure out what you want from each other neither of you will be able to move on." She leaned over and hugged me. "Take me home please and then come back and try to talk to her."

I stood up from the table. I felt bad for my earlier thoughts about her. She was a nice girl but just not for me. No one but Bella was for me. I just needed Bella to realize that. We got in the car and I took her home and apologized for the way the evening had gone.

"I understand just go and talk to her. Good luck and be prepared to fight for her, if I was her I wouldn't make it easy for you to come back into my life." I thanked her again and headed out the door, desperate to see Bella again.

I drove back to the hotel and basically ran back to the room where the dinner was being held but she was nowhere to be seen. I had missed her, how had that happened. I wanted to ask anyone if they had seen her but I didn't want to draw attention to the fact that I was looking for Bella. It hadn't gone unnoticed at work that we had some kind of chemistry when we were together. I searched the room twice and decided to head downstairs to see if there was the slim chance that she was waiting for a cab to take her home.

I rushed from the hotel and there she was standing at the edge of the street. Even after all this time she still took my breath away every time I saw her. It took some convincing but eventually I was able to give her a ride home. I just sat there staring at her when we first got in the car and I made up some horribly stupid excuse about not knowing the best way to get to her house and finally got on my way. We drove in silence but I couldn't bring myself to care, it was nice to just have her here. I knew that my car would smell like her long after she left it and I would savor that as long as it lasted. All too quickly we got to her house and now here I was, sitting in my car watching her door long after it had closed. After a few more minutes I started the car and started to pull away from the curb. I couldn't bear to leave her though when I knew how upset she was so instead of pulling away I pulled forward a few inches and parked the car again.

I saw a light come on in the living room and saw her walk in front of her window. I should feel like a voyeur sitting here watching her but I couldn't drag myself away. I convinced myself that it was only because I wanted to make sure that she was okay, that was the only reason that I was still here. She was clearly visible as she sat down on her couch and then I saw her place her face in her hands and her shoulders began to shake. It was clear that she was crying and before I could even justify it to myself I unbuckled my seat belt. Before I knew what I was doing I was out of the car and knocking on her door. If I had taken the time to think clearly it would have probably never happened but it was too late now. I was just about to run away the door opened.

"Edward?" She looked confused to see me standing in front of her but she still had tears in her eyes and a black trail was forming from her eyes to her cheeks from the mixture of her mascara and her tears. I wanted to pull her into my arms, I wanted to wipe away her tears, I wanted to take away her pain and never have to see her cry again. "What are you doing here?"

"I don't know," I couldn't even think of a logical explanation for her. I didn't want to lie to her though. I had been dishonest with her enough. "I was sitting outside and I saw you crying and I didn't want you to be alone."

"Come in please," she said after a few minutes of just sitting there and staring at me.

I walked through the door and waited to see what she expected of me. I wasn't about to make the first move beyond what I had already done. Call me a coward but I was going to follow her lead, I wanted our relationship to progress past friendship more than I had wanted anything else in my life but I was not willing to push her. It had to happen at her pace. I hadn't allowed myself to believe that it was a possibility but after tonight I allowed a small shred of hope to surface once again.

She went back into the living room and sat down again. I just watched her from the doorway afraid to move.

"Edward, you don't have to just stand there. You can come in here."

I moved slowly into the room and sat down in the couch across from her.

"Bella is everything okay? I mean are you really okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be okay Edward? I mean why wouldn't everything in my life just be amazing right now? I am incapable of dating anyone because you are all I ever think about. I was moving on with my life and you just waltz right back in and I see you everywhere. At work, at home, everywhere I am I can only think of you. I tried tonight, I tried to pretend that there is someone other than you out there, someone who can touch me and make me feel the things that you do and I may be able to fool my mind, but I can't fool my body, it misses you. As soon as you had your arms around me I kept wondering why I can't have that with someone else. Why I am incapable of feeling that with anyone else but you."

She broke down in tears again. I was stunned by not only what she had said but her actions afterwards. Bella had always been so strong and sure of herself and it hurt me to know that I had made her this vulnerable. But I would be lying to myself if I were say that I wasn't excited by what she had said. She had just admitted that she wanted me. I had been waiting months to hear her say those words.

I stood up and moved next to her. When my knee touched hers she jumped and looked up at me. I placed my hand on her knee and squeezed gently.

"Bella? What can I do to make this better for you? Say the words and I will do what you want. I never wanted to make your life harder you have to know that. Not after everything that I have done to you."

Without warning she just started to cry again. The tears were streaming down her face and I did the only thing I could think of doing, I held her. I moved myself even closer and just wrapped my arms around her while she cried. She leaned her head against my chest and I could feel her tears soaking through my shirt but nothing mattered but comforting this broken woman in front of me. I would do anything to take away her pain. This whole situation was made even worse knowing that I had a large part in the display in front of me. I just sat and held her until she had no more tears left. Her sobs slowly turned into sniffles and as she regained her composure she pulled away. My arms felt her loss immediately and I yearned to pull her back to me but instead I scooted away again.

She looked at me and it was obvious that she was embarrassed and that was the last thing I wanted.

"I'm so sorry Edward," she put her face in her hands and couldn't even look at me anymore.

"Please don't feel bad Bella. I meant what I said. I'm willing to do anything to take your pain away. Please understand that I want to be here for you, always." It was all or nothing time. I know that I had told her this before but I knew that in the past she was nowhere near ready to accept me back into her life again. Enough time had passed that there was a very slight possibility now and I was willing to risk it all to take that chance.

I took her hands from her face and held them in mine and waited for her to look at me. I rubbed my thumbs over the back of her hands savoring the feel of how soft she was. Taking a deep breath I began.

"Bella, I have done nothing but think of you these past few months. I've left you alone because that is what you wanted but I have never stopped wanting you, thinking of you and dreaming of you. I realize that we are different people now than we used to be but I would like the opportunity to get to know the new you. I want to take you out, to sit across from you while we have dinner, sit next to you in a movie theater and hold your hand while we take a walk. I know I don't deserve it but I just want a chance."

She tried to pull her hands away from mine but I didn't let go. I wasn't going to let her give up on the happiness I knew that we could have.

"Bella please, please just give us a chance. We are both miserable without each other can we please just try. If it doesn't work out I will never bother you again, I will quit and move away so you don't have to see me again but please just say that you will try."

I was getting scared because she still hadn't said anything. She just sat there and looked at me. She didn't try to pull her hands away, she didn't smile and she barely even blinked. I held my breath afraid of what she would say when she finally did decide to talk.

She opened and closed her mouth many times as if she was debating about what she wanted to say. I just sat there and waited not wanting to pressure her. I would give her all the time in the world if that was what she needed in order to answer me. There was nowhere else I would rather be than here with her even if she eventually decided that she didn't want me I could at least look back at a time when I touched her and she didn't pull away immediately. I would have this memory to look back on and perhaps in time that would be enough.

"Edward," the sound of her voice pulled me out my thoughts and I focused once again on her. Her eyes were filled with tears and I suddenly wondered why I had even brought this up. Why I had forced her to once again reject me. A man could only handle so much but I could wait until I got home to fall apart. For now I would be strong. For her I would be strong. I squeezed her hand and willed her to say just more than my name. I waited patiently for her to just say more.

"Edward," she started again, her voice shaking. "I've tried so hard to deny this, to tell myself that I could never let you back in. You hurt me so badly and I always told myself that I would love nothing better than to see you suffer, to hurt you like you had hurt me. But I just can't do it. I just can't," the tears spilled down her face again.

Without thinking I reached my hand out and wiped them away. My hand caressing her face of its own will. We both moved closer to each other, the only sound in the room came from our ragged attempts at breathing. I moved my hand down her face and to her neck pulling her closer to me. I looked into her eyes before I made my next move. I wanted to make sure that she wanted this too. I never wanted to force her to do something that she would later regret. After I assured myself that the desire was there that I was certain mirrored mine I moved my lips to hers. The spark I felt was instantaneous, it sent a jolt though my entire body. She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me closer to her as our lips moved together. On one hand it was a simple kiss, light and chaste but on the other hand it was anything but. My body reacted to her instantly, I wanted her more than I had ever wanted anything in my life but I remained in control knowing that the slightest thing would push her away forever.

As quickly as it started it ended. She pulled away from me and moved her way across the couch. She struggled to regain control of herself and I remained still not wanting to say or do anything for fear of sending her screaming from the room. When her breathing returned to normal she stood up and looked down at me.

"I think you should go home," it wasn't unexpected but it hurt all the same.

"Bella," I stood up next to her and she just shook her head.

"Please Edward I just need some time to think," she walked across the room to the front door and opened it for me.

"I'll call you tomorrow," and with that I walked out the door and went to my car. I sat and watched her turn off the lights and head to what I assumed was her bedroom. Finally I started my car and drove away, counting down the hours until I could call her. I thought that I would never be able to sleep but as soon as my head hit the pillow I was out and in my dreams I replayed our kiss over and over again. When the sun rose in the sky I got out of bed and looked at the time. It was still far too early to call her so I went for a run to try to kill some time. When I got back I showered and finally it was late enough to be acceptable for a phone call. With shaking hands I reached for my phone and dialed her number and held my breath while it rang.

_A/N – Well hope you liked it! Slowly things are moving along. More coming soon but let me know what you think!_


	13. The Next Day

_A/N – Thanks again for the patience. Here is the next chapter finally!_

_Thank you again for all the wonderful reviews, they really do make my day. _

_Thanks to Tiggrmommi for all your help along the way!_

_I do not own!_

BPOV

After I closed and locked the door I went to my room and got into bed. I'm not really sure how I even managed to get any sleep that night. I think that I was so mentally exhausted that my body just shut down. For once in a very long time my sleep was dreamless and I when I woke up I actually felt rested. I rolled over and looked at my clock and then finally allowed myself to think about what had happened the night before. The entire evening had been an unmitigated disaster from beginning to end. I hadn't known what to think when someone knocked on my door. I had been sitting on my couch wallowing when I heard it and confused I walked over to check out who could possibly be there at this hour. I sat there in shock for a few minutes when I realized it was Edward. I just could never seem to escape him no matter how hard I tried.

I must admit though that it was nice to actually have someone to comfort me, especially him. I had forgotten how safe I felt in his arms. How right it had always felt, like coming home after a long day. Was I ready for this though? Was I ready to have him back in my life in that capacity? By no means would we pick up where we had left off. Too much had happened to us in order to make that even possible.

I thought briefly about leaving the house, I knew that he was going to call at some point and I could choose the easy road and avoid it altogether or I could choose to face this head on. Of course just as I was trying to decide what I should do the phone started ringing. I sat there for a moment and listened to it ring. Just before the answering machine picked up I made my decision. I had avoided things too long with Edward and it had gotten me nowhere. It was time to face things head on. With shaking hands I picked up the phone.

"Hello," I hope that my voice sounded more confident over the phone than it sounded to me.

"Bella," just the mere sound of his voice made me tremble. I almost hung up on him because I wasn't sure that I would actually be able to talk to him.

"Bella," I heard him ask again since I hadn't said anything after my initial hello.

"Sorry, hello Edward," that was a step in the right direction. So far this sounded like a normal phone conversation.

"I wanted to make sure that you were okay. When I left you last night I was worried about you."

"I'm doing okay thank you," what to say now? What does one say to their ex boyfriend who broke their heart and who is now back in their life? The ex boyfriend who less than 12 hours ago was kissing you on your couch. Okay, thinking about the kissing was not going to help this conversation go better. "How are you doing today?"

"I'm doing okay Bella," I could hear him sigh and I knew that this was just as hard for him as it was for me. Possibly even harder, he had bared his heart to me last night and although we had kissed I sent him away immediately afterwards. Perhaps it was time for me to lay it on the line too. If I wanted to try this again I had to actually try. I couldn't forget the past and what he had done to me but I also couldn't constantly hold it against him. Was I willing to try again? Could we really have a fresh start? My decision made I took a deep breath and continued what up until this point had been the quietest phone conversation in history.

"Edward, would you like to have lunch today?" I could hear the surprise in his voice when he responded.

"I would love to," we decided on a place to meet. I wasn't quite ready to have him come and pick me up at my place like this was an actual date. As we hung up the phone he simply said, "Thank you Bella."

I sat on the couch looking at the phone for a while after I hung it up. Eventually I picked it up again and dialed the number of someone who I could talk to about this.

"Hey Bella, how's it going?" I barely even said hello back before I told her everything from the disaster that was the previous night to kissing Edward and the lunch that I had planned with him later on that afternoon. Finally I paused and tried to catch my breath while waiting for some kind of response.

"Well, good morning to you too," Alice laughed on the other line. "Why don't you take a breath before you pass out and miss your date."

"It is not a date, it is just lunch," I answered perhaps a bit too fast.

"Oookay Bella. Whatever makes you feel better." Why had I even called her? I should have known better than this. I had just needed someone to talk to about this and she seemed like the most logical choice. I blamed my lack of sleep for this flawed decision.

"Oh just shut up will you. I called you to talk about this, not to argue about my lunch plans." She was my best friend but she could infuriate me like no other.

"Fine, you always call me to discuss lunch plans with ex boyfriends why wouldn't I be taken by surprise," well she did have a point there.

"Okay, I'm sorry. I just needed to talk to someone to make sure I'm not making a big mistake here. I mean this is Edward after all. Am I crazy Alice to even be doing this?" I needed to talk to someone about this other than him. He really wasn't impartial in this whole situation.

"But remember Bella that this is Edward. I have never seen you happier than when you were with him and I have never seen you so destroyed. He hurt you badly and it took you a long time to recover from that. If you really want to pursue something with him though you can't let the past rule your relationship. You should always remember what happened but you can't spend every day waiting for him to hurt you again. You don't deserve that. You need to be willing to move on from that past Bella. Can you do that? Can you let go of the resentment that you have been holding onto for all these years?"

Damn it, I had only been looking for a simple yes or no answer. I didn't want to actually have to think about what I was doing here. "Alice I really don't see how I can help it. No one else makes me feel the way he does. When he is near me I just feel alive. I don't know if I can be happy with him but I'm fairly certain that I can't be happy without him."

"So what is the question then Bella? You seem to have already made up your mind," as usual she was right. I knew that I needed to at least give this a try so that I could get him out of my system once and for all.

"Fine. Thanks for listening Alice."

"Anytime Bella. Good luck with your date."

"My lunch, it isn't a date," I practically growled at her.

"Sure…have a great time on your lunch date," and she hung up on me before I could respond.

I just sat there staring at the receiver in my hands for a moment before putting the phone down so that I could get ready for lunch. Lunch…lunch with Edward. Why did I ever think that I was prepared for this? I went to my room and pulled out outfit after outfit rejecting each one for some reason or another. At this rate I would be arriving at the restaurant naked which wasn't quite the impression I was trying to make.

Finally after the pile on my bed contained everything in my closet I made my decision. I picked out some jeans with a light blue sweater. I decided to not dwell on the fact that blue was his favorite color on me. I just really liked the sweater that was all. It was a mere coincidence. I put it on and grabbed a jacket and headed out the door.

I drove the short distance to the restaurant and sat in the car for a few minutes psyching myself up before I could get out and walk into the restaurant. I found him sitting there waiting for me already. On the table sat a bouquet of tulips in different colors. Edward and his flowers, he always did enjoy getting me flowers. I wondered if he got her flowers and then quickly pushed the thought aside. New beginnings and all.

He stood up when I got to the table and pulled my chair out for me and when the waiter came by I resisted my urge to drink some wine and instead ordered lemonade. Our drinks were in front of us before he either of us spoke.

"Thank you for coming," I had invited him after all. That was a little detail that I omitted when talking to Alice.

"Of course Bella how could I refuse?" He grabbed the flowers from the table and handed them to me. "These are for you," in case I had thought they were for someone else. Apparently he was just as nervous as I was.

"Thank you Edward they are lovely," I smiled at him and I could see him visibly relax. I could tell that he was worried about what I would be like when I showed up and I couldn't blame him. I wasn't even sure of how I would react when I got here today.

The awkward silence was back but I was determined to at least make some effort today. So I began asking general questions, anything to try to ease the tension that was hanging around us. Eventually it got a little easier and the conversation actually was a lot less work. It was somewhat reminiscent of old times when we were able to sit and talk for hours. I had missed that afterwards. To be honest I had missed a lot of things after he was gone.

Our food had come and gone and still we sat there talking. At some point he had reached across the table and grabbed my hand and I didn't pull away. We sat there with our fingers entwined and for the first time when I looked at him I didn't feel so angry anymore. I was still wary and was in no way ready to rush into anything but for the first time in a long time I could look at him and remember why I had fallen in love with him in the first place.

Eventually the dining room cleared out and we realized that we were the only ones left in the restaurant. Reluctantly we both got up from the table and Edward helped me to get my jacket on. We walked together out of the restaurant. Our hands had found each other again as we walked out and I relished the feeling of his warm hand wrapped around mine.

He walked me to my car and we both slowed down as we got closer not ready for this to end quite yet. I unlocked the car and we stood there each waiting for the other one to do something.

"Thank you again for lunch," I wasn't sure what to do. Holding out my hand for a handshake seemed ridiculous, especially since he was still holding it at the moment. As I was still deciding the best course of action he leaned down into me. I could feel his warm breath against my face and all rational thoughts left my head. It was unfair that he could still do these things to me.

"My pleasure," he whispered against my lips and then his lips were on mine. He pulled his hand from mine and I felt the immediate lose of warmth. I didn't even have a chance to miss it; before I realized what he was doing he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer into him.

My body reacted on instinct when I felt him pressed against me. I returned his kiss with fervor and when his tongue moved against my bottom lip I opened my mouth to his. His tongue entered my mouth and caressed my own. I had forgotten what it had felt like to be properly kissed.

The need for air in my lungs made me reluctantly pull away from him. He kept his arms wrapped around mine and rested his head against me while he too caught his breath. Just as I was feeling normal again he moved his hand up to my head and brushed his fingers thru my hair before his lips moved back to mine again. There was no hesitancy this time, our lips moved together again like they hadn't been apart for the past six years. I could feel warmth surging through my body and I let out a little moan as he pressed me against the car.

I knew that I needed to take control of this situation. I couldn't allow myself to just fall back into a relationship with him. The physical aspect was something that we never had any issues with and I couldn't allow his nearness to cloud my thinking. There was no way that I was ready to fall back into bed with him, no matter how badly I wanted him in this moment.

I pulled away from him again and took a deep breath.

"I think that I had better head home. Thank you again for lunch," I needed to make a quick escape before I did something that I would regret.

He put his finger under my chin and lifted my face so that I was looking into his eyes. They were bright green and filled with desire. "No Bella, thank you for giving me a chance," he unwrapped his arms from around me and opened up my car door for me. "I'll see you tomorrow Bella," and with that he helped me into the car and gave me a chaste kiss on the forehead before shutting my car door.

I started the car and pulled away from the curb and watched him disappear in my rearview mirror. He stood there watching me drive away the entire time. Tomorrow… I didn't even want to think about what it would be like working together with this shift in our relationship. Shaking my head to try to clear it I drove back home and was thankful that tomorrow was Monday so that I had a chance to try and recollect myself and focus on something else. I only hoped that I would be able to sleep before I had to face him in the morning. It was going to be a long night.

_A/N – It won't be as long this time for the next chapter so let me know what you are thinking! Thanks again._


	14. Chapter 14

_A/N – Sorry for the delay, I've been working on a different story but I am almost done with it._

_Hope everyone is having a good holiday weekend and thanks again for taking the time to read this story._

_As always thanks to Tiggrmommi. I couldn't do this without you._

_I do not own these characters._

EPOV

I watched her drive away and when she was out of sight I finally allowed myself to think about what had just happened. Not only had I kissed her but she had kissed me back and not just to humor me she definitely was into it too. I realized that I should probably get out of the street if I wanted to be around to see what would happen next. Walking back to my car I wondered what would happen next. Would work be awkward? Would she ignore me or would we somehow be able to coexist without everyone figuring out what had happened this weekend. Granted we had only kissed but to me it seemed like something far more intimate had happened. She had let me back in and I realized what a huge gift that was. This time I wouldn't take it for granted and I was determined to show her that if she was ever mine again I wouldn't be stupid enough to hurt her again.

I got home and tried to focus on some work that I had brought home with me. After two hours sitting at my table and accomplishing nothing I finally just gave up. Instead I went to my closet and pulled down a box that I hadn't looked at for a few months. I put it down on my bed and sat down with it. Lifting the lid off I pulled out the contents and started to look through them.

Inside this box was everything from our past that I had saved. Letters that she had written to me, photos of us, mementos from various locations that we had gone to. Keeping it all these years had been a bit of torture but I couldn't bring myself to get rid of it. I pulled out my favorite picture of us together. We were at the beach and it was nighttime, there had been a fire lit and her face and hair glowed in the picture. I had my arm wrapped around her and she was smiling up at me, laughing at some joke that I couldn't remember. We looked so young and innocent and happy the picture never failed to make me smile. I put the picture aside and pulled out letters that she had sent to me through the years that we had been together. I had everything from little notes left on my fridge to letters she had sent while I was in England. She had always said that email was so impersonal and that there was something special about holding a letter in your hand from someone you loved. Sitting here holding them in my hands I couldn't agree more. I still couldn't bring myself to read them but I liked just feeling them in my hands every now and then.

After looking through a few more things I placed everything back in the box and put the lid back on. I took a shower to try and relax myself and then headed to bed. I tossed and turned for what felt like hours before falling into a restless sleep.

The next morning I headed to work early and tried to get something done before everyone else got into the office. Every time I heard footsteps I looked up eager to see her again. I worried about what her reaction to me might be today. I could only imagine what she was going through. She had spent so much time hating me that it must be difficult for her to switch gears. I was grateful that she was at least willing to try. Finally I heard footsteps hesitate outside of my door and I looked up to see her standing there. She saw me looking and gave me a small smile before she went to her office. Well that was a good start at least, she hadn't completely avoided me and with a smile I got to work and finally began accomplishing something.

BPOV

After lunch I went home and tried and failed at getting some work done. All I could think about was him. The more I thought about it though the more confused I got. Was this really what I wanted? Was I really ready to let go of the past? Even when I hated him he always occupied a very tiny piece of my heart. My heart, it hadn't worked properly since he had left for England. I decided to focus on cleaning up around the house when the phone rang. My mind was too jumbled to talk to him at the moment so I ignored it and let the machine pick it up. I heard Alice's voice on the machine and ran to pick up the phone before she showed up at my door.

"Alice…" that was all I managed to get out for a while.

"You were supposed to call me as soon as you were done. How did it go? What did he say? Are you meeting again? You aren't answering? Ohhhh…is he there right now? Just tell me if he is, say a code word if he is there right now! Umm…use chicken, no that is stupid, lentil, pea, cracker, licorice…" Her voice was getting progressively louder and I couldn't hold back any longer. I started laughing, laughing so hard that I could barely even catch a breath.

"Alice has anyone ever told you that you are crazy? I mean certifiably crazy," that shut her up rather quickly.

"Hey, I'm just trying to help you Bella. I've known you for a long time. You might want to think twice before you start throwing around insults. I could bring up things from your past. Say freshman year in the dorms…" She was right of course.

"Sorry Alice. That was uncalled for," she just scoffed and then proceeded with her interrogation. I recalled every detail of the lunch for her with precision that made her proud. I thought about leaving out the kiss at the end but she knew me too well and would know that I was holding something back.

"Hmmmm…." That was her only response. I waited patiently to see if she would elaborate but got nothing.

"What are you thinking Alice? Talk to me," she laughed and then after taking a deep breath she launched in to her evaluation of our lunch "date".

"Okay, he obviously likes you a great deal. Flowers, holding your hand, he still wants you bad Bella. You are actually making an effort here too Bella," she continued in this vain and then she asked the one question that I had hoped to avoid. "What are you going to tell Emmett?"

Emmett. I had allowed myself to push him to the back of my mind because I wasn't sure what I could even tell him. He was there for me after the break up had occurred. He offered to hunt Edward down, he had wanted to hurt him for what he had done to me. I knew that he would support me in this decision but only if I was honest with him from the beginning.

"I haven't really thought about it Alice. As of Friday there was nothing to tell. This is all so new. I'll call him later on today. You have any pointers for me Alice? Please," I was hoping that she had thought about this more than I had and would know exactly what I should say to him.

"Oh no, I don't think so Bella. This is up to you. Just be honest with him and you might be surprised." We talked for a little while longer and then we got off the phone.

After I hung up with Alice I started to dial Emmett and then hung up. I did this a couple of more times before I put the phone down for good. I decided I needed to go grocery shopping first before I had this conversation. After I got home I knew that I couldn't put it off any longer and so this time I actually dialed the entire number and held my breath while the phone rang.

"Hey Bella how's it going? It's been a while. Things still going good at work or are you calling me to let me know I can finally go and take care of Edward for you? Just say the word small fry and it's taken care of," apparently he had some pent up hostility for Edward that I hadn't realized.

"Ah no Emmett things at work are going great. It's actually Edward that I am calling about," it was deadly quiet on the other end so I decided to just get it out. "I went out to lunch with him today and I think that I may do it again soon." He still said nothing and I was beginning to get worried. "Emmett?"

"Sorry Bella that was just the last thing I expected you to say. Hey you know that I want you to be happy and if he makes you happy than I will support you. I already told you this Bella," I let out a sigh of relief. I had been very worried about his reaction to this.

"Thanks Emmett I appreciate that," he cut me off before I could say anything else.

"Just know that I will be keeping an eye on you though Bella. If he even so much as looks at you the wrong way I will take care of him and no one will be able to stop me this time," I could tell that he was deadly serious.

"I won't let him hurt me again Emmett. I'm not a kid anymore."

"I know Bella but I'm just letting you know I will be there if he does hurt you again," it was silent for a few minutes and then I just changed the subject. We talked for a few more minutes and then got off the phone. My mind was more at ease because I had informed him and I had to admit there was some comfort in the fact that Emmett would always be there for me no matter what. I was finally able to get some work done before bed. I fell asleep quickly and dreamt of nothing.

The next morning I tried to not over think what would happen with Edward. I dressed like I normally would and drove to the office. I kept telling myself that today was just like any other day at work. There was nothing different going on here. Except that when I walked in I took the long way so that I would go by his office. He looked up when I walked by like he had been waiting for me. I smiled and quickly made my way to my office.

Thankfully work was crazy and so I didn't have a lot of time to dwell on him. Before I knew it lunch time was already upon me and so I left the office and ran down to the deli on the corner to pick up a sandwich. I was standing in line for a few minutes when I felt him before I saw him. My body always seemed to be aware of him whenever we were in the same room.

"Edward," I nodded in his direction and looked back at the menu posted over the register even though I came here once a week.

"Bella," I could hear the smile in his voice. "Would you be able to join me for lunch?" Two lunches in two days. Was I ready to set this precedent?

"That would be nice Edward," the words that Alice had told me flowed through my head. If I wanted to try this then I had to actually be willing to try. I turned towards him and the smile he gave me was impossible to not return. We both placed our orders and I put my credit card down before he had a chance to argue. We made our way to a table in the back of the restaurant.

There was no uncomfortable silence this time. We discussed how the day at work was going and the different cases that we were working on. We had both finished our sandwiches and so we made our way back to the office together. He stopped me before we got to the building and looked as if he had something to say.

"Bella do you have any plans for this weekend?"

"No," I didn't hesitate and he looked surprised. "Would you like to do something together on Saturday Edward?" I had to let him know that I was ready, that I was willing to try.

He grabbed my hand briefly and squeezed it before dropping it. "I would love that Bella. If you don't mind I already have something in mind," he opened the door for me.

It was like he had already been planning on asking me out this weekend. I had nothing in mind so I wasn't about to object. "That would be just fine," we smiled at each other before we headed our separate ways.

EPOV

The rest of the week passed at a snail's pace. I couldn't wait until Saturday but at least I got to see her every day. I'll admit that I went out of my way to see her at work, casually passing her office, seeing her in the hall and it made every second bearable. Finally it was Friday night and the week was over. I didn't see her before I left the office but I called her as soon as we got home. I had already planned our day tomorrow but I thought I should clear it with her first.

I called her cell phone as soon as I got into the car. I would like to pretend that I had endless patience where she was concerned but I didn't. I had never been able to resist her and it was even worse this time around knowing what I was missing when she wasn't around.

She answered on the third ring (not that I was counting) and sounded happy to hear from me. I told her that I would be there at 10 in the morning to pick her up. She didn't even question why our date was starting in the morning and I took that as a very good sign. I spent the rest of the night making sure that everything was set for the next day before falling into bed eager for the following day to begin.

I was up bright and early the next day, eager for the next four hours to pass quickly until I could have Bella by my side. Everything was in order so I didn't have a lot to pass the time. Finally after spending hours reading briefs that I would only have to reread again it was time to go. I drove to her house and knocked on the door. She answered while my hand was still in the process of knocking and smiled at me. She quickly exited and closed the door behind her. We walked to my car and I held the door open for her while she got in. After I got in I looked at her and smiled. After placing a quick kiss on her cheek I started the car and pulled away from the curb. I saw her place her hand against her cheek and smile as she looked out the window.

"So what are we doing today?" I was wondering if she was going to talk to me.

"It's a surprise. I hope you don't mind," she looked perplexed but she said nothing.

"No, I don't mind," and that was all she said until we pulled into the parking lot. She started to open her door as soon as I had stopped but I put my hand on her arm to stop her.

"Please, let me open the door for you," she stopped reaching for the door and waited patiently while I went to her side to let her out. I helped her out of the car and then began to worry about what she might think about what I had planned for the day. We walked up to buy tickets and she laughed.

"Alcatraz? You really know how to plan a date Edward," she was laughing though so I took that as a good sign.

"You always used to say that you wanted to come here one day. I promised you that I would take you," I stopped talking quickly. I didn't mean to remind her of the past but it seemed unavoidable. We had such a history, our lives had been so entwined once.

"That you did," she wouldn't look at me. "I've lived in San Francisco for years and still never made it here. It always made me think of you," she started walking ahead of me towards the ferry that would take us to the island.

Damn it, it was like walking through a mine field. But if I wanted this to work then that was part of it. What I had done to her was horrible and I didn't want to constantly remind her of it. The only thing I could try to do was to replace the bad memories with good memories. Apparently she felt the same way because out of now where she came up to me and grabbed my hand and held it while we sat there waiting for the ferry to leave. Neither of us talked we just sat there holding hands waiting for the ferry.

BPOV

I had wanted to leave but what Alice said ran through my head. Instead of fleeing I went to him. I could tell by the look on his face that he instantly regretted what he had said and so I offered comfort. I didn't want him to constantly beat himself up over something that he couldn't change. I had moved on and he had to too. Words weren't necessary at the moment. I just wanted to let him know that I was still here. The ferry came and we boarded quickly and found seats.

Our mood relaxed as we got closer to the island and he wrapped his arm around me when he noticed me shiver slightly in the cool bay air. He placed a kiss on the top of my head and pulled me closer. "Thank you," he whispered to me. I just placed my hand on his knee and squeezed it.

The mood lifted as we disembarked and began walking around. There was so much to take in that it was hard to not discuss it. We spent hours walking around taking everything in and talking about it. On the ferry back I leaned against the rail and looked out over the water. I felt him walk behind me and put his arms on either side of me. I turned my head to look up at him.

"Thank you, that was a lot of fun," he smiled at me and eventually the smile reached his eyes when I leaned back into him. I reached a hand up to his face and pulled it down to me. His lips met mine and I turned so that we were chest to chest. He wrapped his arms around me and we stood there kissing for the majority of the trip. People walked past us, people I'm sure stared at us but it didn't matter to either of us in that moment.

People gave us a wide berth when the ferry stopped and we headed off hand and hand and I wondered what was next on the agenda. I was about to ask him when my stomach rumbled rather loudly.

"Time for lunch?" He laughed at me. We stopped at a seafood restaurant overlooking the water. He held out my chair for me and then sat across from me. Lunch was extremely enjoyable. We talked freely for the first time since we had reconnected. No awkwardness, no tension, it was almost like old times.

"Carlisle and Esme would like to see you again," he said right before taking a rather large bite of his salad.

"You've told them about me?"

"I take it you haven't told your parents?"

"If I had told Charlie believe me you would have known. He would be standing at your doorstep with his shotgun. Believe me when I say that you are better off with him not knowing," he took another large bite and said nothing. "Edward, there was nothing to tell. It would just upset him to know that I was upset. I'll tell him in time," he looked up at me and nodded. Another moment that was once again tarnished by a reminder of our past.

"Bella, would you mind if I called him?" That was the last thing that I had expected him to say. "I owe him an apology too and I would like to try to make things right with him. I felt that I had always had his respect and I would like to earn that back again."

"It's not necessary Edward," he couldn't apologize to everyone from the past. If I forgave him then everyone else would just have to understand.

"Actually Bella it is more than necessary. I hurt your family and friends too. They all trusted me to never hurt you and I betrayed that. I would like to tell them thank you for taking care of you after the pain I caused you," he looked so sure and I knew he would do it with or without my blessing.

"If that will make you feel better," I took a bite of my food and watched his face. He looked uncomfortable but determined.

"I think better is not the best word to describe how I will feel but I want to show them that I understand the chance that I am getting," he grabbed my hand and pressed it to his lips. The waiter chose that moment to bring the check by. Sensing that he was interrupting something he just dropped it and made a hasty retreat.

"Are you done?" He asked before placing some bills on the table and helping me with my chair. He grabbed my hand and we walked back to the car. "If you are up for it I still have something planned for this evening. I thought you could go home to rest for a bit and change before I pick you up," I was intrigued but I knew better than to ask what he had planned.

"What time do I need to be ready by?" The smile lit up his face.

"Five would be perfect," we drove back to my place and he walked me up to my door. He told me goodbye and gave me one last kiss goodbye. He started walking away and then turned around when he was almost to the car. "Oh and Bella, you might want to dress up," he waved got in his car and then drove away.

_I promise it won't be as long between updates. Thanks again for checking this out!_


	15. Take a Chance On Me

_A/N- Thanks everyone for being patient with me. Sorry about the wait but here you go. Thank you for reading this and letting me know what you think._

_Thank you as always to Tiggrmommi for being super!_

_I do not own._

BPOV

Go home and rest he had said. As if that were even possible. He had just told me that he had a surprise planned for this evening and that I had to dress up for it. Resting wasn't even an option that I could entertain. As soon as I walked in the door I went to my closet to try to figure out what I was going to wear tonight. I finally decided on a simple gray dress that had been hanging in my closet for quite a while and that I had worn only once. It was a bit shorter than something I would have normally worn but it was still classy. I pulled out some nylons and debated before deciding on my 3" heels. Without knowing what we were doing it was a gamble but he was tall enough where I could actually pull it off. Plus he was strong enough to actually catch me if I fell which was a distinct possibility when wearing these shoes but I wanted to look nice and they completed the look.

I couldn't get dressed yet so in the interest of relaxing I decided to run a bath for myself. I decided to treat myself and squirted some bubbles in as the tub filled up. The scent of vanilla filled the air as the water filled the tub. The bubbles covered the surface of the tub and the steam filled the room from the warmth of the bath water. When the tub was full I took off my clothes and slid into the water. The warmth enveloped me and I laid my head back and closed my eyes.

I could feel every muscle in my body relaxing as I sat in the tub. It was exactly what I needed. I wasn't sure what Edward had planned for tonight but I had a feeling that this was a turning point in our tentative relationship and I had some decisions that I needed to make. I pushed my feet against the wall and put my head under the water and watched as my hair swirled around in the water above me. Eventually the need for air forced my head above the water. I pulled myself out of the tub and wrapped a towel around my body.

Walking into the bedroom I went to my lingerie drawer to decide what to wear under my dress. Black and lacy or simple cotton? I debated for about half a second before I picked up the lacy set and shut the drawer quickly before I changed my mind. I put them on quickly and looked in the mirror to make sure I looked okay. Satisfied with what I saw in the mirror I found some black nylons and sat down on the bed to get them on. I pulled the silky material up my legs and adjusted them so that they fit properly. Looking at the clock I checked how much time I had left before he would arrive before moving over to the mirror in my bathroom. I put my robe on and put slippers on my feet while I dried my hair and then placed it in hot rollers. While the curlers were doing their job I started applying my make-up. I was never one to wear much make-up so that job was done rather quickly. A quick bit of loose powder, some blush and light eye shadow and I was ready. I spritzed my body with some perfume and grabbed my dress. I slid it over my head and smoothed it down along my hips. The fabric clung to my body and I couldn't help but admire the way I looked. It accentuated my curves without showing too much.

After putting my heels on I went back to the mirror and took out the curlers in my hair. I brushed out my hair until I had soft curls that framed my face. Satisfied with the way I looked I applied a quick coat of lip gloss and made my way to the front room. The doorbell rang just as I entered the room and my heart rate increased immediately. Taking a deep breath I moved across the room and answered the door.

The site of him standing there in front of me with a dark grey suit on took my breath away. He had a crisp white shirt on and a black tie. His hair was relatively tame by his standards but his eyes stood out against the dark colors that he was wearing. He grabbed my hand and kissed it lightly.

"You look beautiful Bella," warmth spread from my hand to every inch of my body.

"Thank you," I sounded breathless even to myself. I moved to grab my jacket off the hook by the door and he led me out the front door and to a limousine that was waiting on the street.

"Edward?" He just smiled down at me. This was the last thing I had expected when we walked out the door.

"I wanted to be able to focus all my attention on you," the chauffeur was holding the door open and Edward helped me into the car and then quickly followed behind me.

"Am I allowed to ask what we are doing yet?" I think that I knew the answer to my question before I even asked but it never hurt to try.

"You can ask all you want. I'm just not going to answer," he grabbed my hand in his and pulled me closer to him on the bench seat in the back of the limo. "I meant what I said. You look amazing." He moved his other hand to my leg and traced it back and forth against my exposed thigh. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the seat. He hesitated before he leaned against me and kissed my exposed neck. They were very light kisses that set my body on fire. He let go of my hand and used that hand to bring my chest flush with his and then rubbed it up and down my back.

Things were quickly getting out of control but I had neither the strength nor the desire to stop him at the moment. His lips didn't move from my neck and I was about to pull them to my own lips when the limo stopped. I didn't actually notice this until the door was being opened by our chauffer. We jumped apart from each other and Edward quickly hopped out of the car and held out his hand to me. He tried to use his hands to help smooth down my dress after I had gotten out but I slapped them away since they seemed to be lingering instead of actually helping.

I wasn't even sure of how long we had been in the car so I had no clue where we were. I looked up at the sign that read Chez Spencer and waited behind Edward as he gave his name to the maître d. We were quickly led to a table outside which seemed like a crazy thing to do but there were heat lamps spread liberally throughout the patio area and it was actually quite warm and cozy. Edward pulled out my chair for me and kissed the top of my head before pushing my chair in and sitting down across from me.

I pulled my eyes away from him long enough to look at the menu and realized that I was starving. Almost immediately a waiter materialized and took our drink order. I ordered a champagne cocktail, something I never really drank but I felt like tonight was a celebration. We had spent almost the entire day together and I actually had enjoyed it.

Our drinks were delivered and mine was almost too pretty to drink. The outside of my glass was rimmed with some type of sugar that ended halfway down the glass. I couldn't help myself and stuck out my tongue to taste it. I could see Edward laughing at me from across the table.

"What? It's good?" Just to prove it to him I took another lick along the rim of the glass.

"As much as I would love to sit here and watch that all night we do have somewhere else we need to be," he looked down at his watch as if to prove his point.

"Still won't tell me I suppose?"

"You'll find out soon enough," our waiter reappeared and we placed our order.

"Not even a hint?" I took a long sip of my drink. It was refreshing and yet I was mindful that it was champagne, something that always went straight to my head.

"Hmmm…no. Try to be patient," I really had no option but to agree. I decided to just enjoy my dinner and let him surprise me like he so desperately wanted to. Our food arrived and the filet that was topped with truffle butter melted in my mouth. I opted out of dessert and Edward called our driver to let them know we were ready before the bill arrived. We paid and he placed his hand on the small of my back to guide me out of the restaurant.

The limo was waiting at the curb for us and this time I paid attention to where we were going instead of letting him distract me. I couldn't miss the glow of the sign as we pulled up to our destination. The letters lit up the street and a crowd of elegantly dressed people made their way to the front of the building. The Orphuem Theater was a landmark here in town but I had never had the opportunity to visit it. I tried to think of what was playing right now but couldn't remember.

As we pulled up to the front of the building I could see the marquee and laughed.

"Mama Mia really? I thought you hated this kind of thing," my mind drifted back to college when I was so excited to take him to see Phantom of the Opera and he had spent the entire night complaining about everything. I had vowed to never go anywhere like that with him again. To say that I was shocked that he had planned this willing would be putting it mildly.

"I know you like this kind of thing and last time I kind of ruined the whole experience so I wanted to make it up to you," he looked a little worried as he smiled at me. I knew that he was worried about how I would react to him bringing up the past but I was so excited that I wasn't going to dwell on it.

"Thank you," I threw my arms around him. "I'm so excited. I've wanted to see this for forever." The fact that he was willing to do this for me said a lot about how much he cared about me. The limo pulled to a stop and I was so excited that I jumped out of the car before the driver had a chance to even open the door. Edward thanked him and let him know that he would call when he was ready.

We walked up to the front and Edward handed over our tickets and we went inside the theater. I just looked around at everything. The polished wooden doors gleamed and there were elegant chandeliers hanging from the painted ceiling. It was old fashioned and elegant. We walked over to the bar and had a glass of wine before the show started. I was so excited I could barely contain myself. Edward took me over to the souvenir kiosk and bought me a program. When the doors opened we headed down to our seats. I should have known that if Edward was going to do something he would do it right. We were 7 rows from the front of the stage in the very center. He helped me to remove my coat before we sat down.

He grabbed my hand and we talked about nothing in particular before the lights flashed and music filled the room. He squeezed my hand one last time before losing my attention completely. It was so much fun and I tried my best to not sing along out loud. Although I couldn't say the same for the lady next to me, she would sing out loud and then suck on her oxygen before continuing. It was just so much fun and even Edward was getting into it when the entire crowd was clapping along with the music. It seemed like it had only been a few minutes before it was intermission. Everyone in the lobby was happy and I spotted a little boy in the corner dancing next to his mother.

"Thank you, this is so much fun," I hugged Edward again.

"I'm actually having a great time," he pulled me over to a bench and we sat there watching everyone around us. He left for a minute to get us a glass of champagne. He placed the glass in my hand before raising his up to me. "To new beginnings," he tapped his glass against mine before leaning down and kissing me.

I lifted the glass to my lips and took a sip of the bubbly liquid while looking at him over my glass. His eyes never left mine and I got that warm feeling that only he had ever been able to give me. To new beginnings indeed.

We went back inside when the lights flashed. The rest of the show flew by and when it was time for the curtain call all the crowd was on their feet as we sang along to the songs with the actors on stage. Even Edward was singing along and laughing. I had not had this much fun in a long time. We waited for everyone to file out before we made our way out of our seats. Edward texted the driver to let him know we were ready and we made our way to the front of the theater. I wasn't ready for the evening to end but I wasn't sure what he had planned.

We got into the car and Edward turned to me. "Did you need to get home or do you still want to do something?" He was leaving the rest of the night up to me. He was looking at me and I could tell that he was anxious for my response.

"I'm not ready to go home yet," his smile lit up his face and leaned over the seat to let the driver know where to go next. I couldn't hear what he said so I just sat back to wait. He hadn't disappointment me yet this evening and I was sure he wasn't about to start now.

"I told Taylor to just drive us around town. I didn't think you would be up for much walking around in those shoes," I had to laugh. He did have a point. We drove around through downtown and then past Fisherman's Wharf and along the coast. It was beautiful to take in all the sites in the evening when everything was lit up.

At some point I noticed that he wasn't looking at the window like I was but he was looking at me instead. I turned my attention to him and the scenery outside ceased to matter. He put his hand on the back of my neck and pulled my face closer to his. The only thing I could focus on was the feeling of his lips on mine. It began soft and slow, just tasting each other lightly until his tongue gently pushed into my mouth and all the walls I had been working so hard to keep up were destroyed. I couldn't keep my hands to myself anymore. I wrapped them around his back and pulled him closer to me. Moving them along his back I felt his muscles moving beneath them.

He took this as an invitation to touch me and his hands caressed my thigh, moving along my body until one of his hands lightly grazed my breast. Without thinking a moan escaped my mouth and I tried in vain to move even closer to him. His other hand began moving up my thigh and just as I was about to shift in order to get him to move up even further the car stopped.

As the door opened I realized that we had arrived back at my home. I wasn't even sure what time it was or how long we had actually been out for all I knew is that I wasn't ready to say goodbye to him. He looked like he felt the same way so before I reached for Taylor's hand in order to get out of the limo I decided to take a chance and turned to Edward.

"Would you like to come in?"

_A/N – Okay I promise I will be back within one week so keep an eye out. I promise I won't leave you there for long._

_Thank you as always for reading._


	16. Chapter 16

_Hello I told you it wouldn't be too long for an update. Well Edward stay or will he go? Here's the answer…._

EPOV

Did I want to come in? There was nothing in the world that I wanted more than that at the moment and yet I hesitated. I didn't want to have one incredible night that she would regret. I wasn't looking for one night, I was looking for forever. So with regret I gave her my answer.

"Bella, I don't think that that is the best idea," she looked stricken and embarrassed. I immediately wanted to take it back but I knew that this was the right thing to do. I didn't want to have sex with her because she got carried away after an incredible date. I wanted her to not only share her body with me but her life.

She reached for Taylor's hand and went to get out of the limo but I stopped her.

"Can you talk to me for just a minute please?" I didn't want her to get out of the car before letting her know exactly what I was thinking.

"Actually I think that I need to get inside. It's late," she walked away without a backwards glance.

"Wait here," I said to Taylor as I bolted out of the limo after her. I wasn't going to let her run away again.

"Bella," she was at her door and wouldn't look back at me. I came up to her and I could see her wipe away a tear as she struggled to unlock her door. "Bella," there was no way that she couldn't have heard me since I was standing right behind her. "Please look at me Bella," her keys fell to the ground and I bent to retrieve them from her. Pushing her gently to the side I found the proper key and unlocked the door for her. She just stood there refusing to look at me. I wanted to carry her inside and just hold her next to me. I never wanted to let her go.

Instead I wrapped my arm around her and helped pull her inside. I could feel her shoulders shaking from the tears that she was trying so desperately to hide from me. It was up to me to make this right. It was clear that she wasn't going to say anything to me. I didn't care that she wasn't looking at me, I just had to tell her what I was thinking, what I was feeling. The why behind my actions.

"Bella do you know how hard it was for me to say no back there? To not say yes to you and come inside with you and pick up where we left off in that limo. I want you so badly Bella," at this she finally looked up at me. Her eyes were still shiny with tears but they no longer fell down her cheek. I walked closer to her, placing my finger under her chin. "How can you doubt that Bella? How can you question that I wanted you? Can't you see it in everything that I do? I want you more than anything Bella but I don't want just one night with you Bella. I had you once Bella and I was stupid enough to throw it away. I'm not going to let that happen again." She had closed her eyes and was taking deep breaths. I'm not sure if she was trying to calm herself down or if she was upset.

She opened her eyes and looked at me. A single tear fell down her cheek. I reached a finger out and stopped it before it went too far. I had always hated seeing her cry and knowing that I was the reason behind it made me feel even worse.

"Bella please understand where I am coming from. I don't want to do anything you would regret in the morning," her eyes instantly got brighter and she cut me off.

"Please Edward don't patronize me," the anger was clear in her voice. "Don't you dare make it seem like I was only making that decision in the heat of the moment. You're not that good," I took a step back, surprised at the anger in her eyes. I tried frantically to think of what I had done to make her this upset.

"Give me some credit Edward for being able to make my own decision. In the past you always felt like you knew what was best for me, always had to protect poor innocent, sheltered Bella. She's too delicate to make such decisions on her own. Screw you Edward I'm not that same girl anymore. You want me, you really want me?" She was yelling now and I wondered if I should have just said yes and avoided this. "Then this is me Edward. I can make my own decisions, you don't have to protect me. I want you, I want to feel your hands on my body again and I'm not ashamed of it. I dream of it Edward but if you think I am delicate and frail then I will gladly find someone else who isn't afraid to touch me the way I need to be touched. Is that why you did it Edward? Was I not enough for you?"

It was always going to come down to this wasn't it? "You know that that wasn't the reason why it happened?"

"Do I Edward? Do I really? You've told me a lot about how you were lonely, you missed me, and that you're sorry. I've heard all the bullshit reasons Edward and I tell myself I understand that it wasn't my fault. That you wanted me but you couldn't stop yourself. Guess what I was lonely too Edward but somehow I managed to keep my hands to myself. But despite all the pain you put me thru I was willing to give you another chance and you reject me again. Just leave Edward, I can't do this again. I can't let you hurt me again Edward," she was crying again and no longer looked angry she just looked broken as she went over and sat on the couch as if her words had drained her.

I wasn't sure what to say anymore. My words were meaningless it was obvious. She wanted me to leave but I had no doubt that if I walked out that door there would be no more chances. I grabbed my phone and texted Taylor to let him know that he should leave and that I would take care of him in the morning. I would worry about how I was going to get home later on. This was more important.

I turned around and she was still sitting on the couch, she hadn't moved. Whatever I did next would determine where we went from here. I know what I wanted but I wasn't sure how to make her see that or if she even felt the same way. Moving across the room I stopped in front of her and then kneeled down so that I was at eye level with her, my knees pressed against the carpet. Grabbing her clenched hands from her lap I kissed her fingers one by one. She didn't try to pull her hands away but her body stiffened up.

I moved my lips up one arm and then down the other one. Her body relaxed only slightly. I moved back up her arm until I reached her neck and used my tongue to taste her. Her head fell back and I could hear her take a deep breath in.

"Does this feel like someone who doesn't want you," I asked her before moving my lips to hers. I had never kissed her like this before. It was filled with my desire for her, my love for her, the frustration I had felt over these past months and the pain over what I had done to her. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her closer to me. She wasn't fighting me so I continued. My tongue finding its way inside her mouth. I vaguely recall pushing her back against the couch and moving until I was on top of her.

"I want you Bella. I've always wanted you Bella," and I proceeded to press my body against her so that there was no doubt that I wanted her.

"Edward," it was barely more than a whisper but I heard it. She wrapped her arms and then her legs around me and kissed me back. She moved her body underneath mine rubbing against me in a way that made it hard for me to breathe.

We moved against each other, our hands grasping at each other as if they couldn't get enough. She pushed against me and I stopped immediately afraid that I had pushed her too far. I stood up from the couch and tried to calm my emotions. She stood up next to me and held out her hand as she led me to the bedroom.

I wanted to ask if she was sure, if this was really what she wanted but I knew that she wouldn't be doing this otherwise. When we got into the room she went and turned on the bathroom light and left the door open so that we would have just enough light to see what was going on in the room. I stood there waiting for her to come back to me. She stopped right in front of me and wrapped her arms around me and leaned her head against my chest. I'm sure that she could hear the racing of my heart. I embraced her with my arms and just stood there with her.

She pulled me towards the bed and I followed her. Soon she was sitting on the bed and I was standing over her trying to decipher the look in her eyes. She didn't look away from me at all she just sat and waited for me to make the next move. I gave her one light kiss before standing up in front of her again. I pushed my jacket off and to the ground and loosened my tie. The decision was made, there would be no more hesitation, no more second guessing. This was what we both wanted and I wasn't going to fight it.

I started to unbutton my shirt and she pushed my hands out of the way. She stood up next to me and her hands made quick work of the buttons. She pulled the tie over my head and then moved her hands along my bare chest before sliding them to my arms and pushing the shirt off my body. A shiver ran through my body as I watched her in front of me. She leaned one arm against me and removed first one heel and then the other.

She was instantly shorter but it was my turn to help her undress. I spun her around so that her back was to me and I slowly moved her zipper down her back, reveling in each exposed inch of her skin. Before I could stop myself my head was bent to her back kissing her skin as my hands thrust her dress to the ground. She was in front of me in only her lacy lingerie and her nylons. I moved her again so that she was facing me. I kissed her with all the passion that was flooding my body. Her hands reached between us and made quick work of my belt. She flung it across the room before unbuttoning my pants and pushing them down to the ground.

We moved closer together our lips remaining locked on one another's. My hands moved along her back and then in between her nylons and her lace covered bottom. I caressed her skin and pulled her body flush against mine. I couldn't stop myself from rubbing against her. Her legs began moving and before I could stop her she fell backwards onto the bed. I lifted one leg up and rested it against my thigh and then proceeded to do the same with the other. Reaching down I pulled her nylons down her legs, she bent her knees and placed her feet on my shoulder so that I could remove them from her. I couldn't stop myself from kissing her exposed skin, her ankles, her calves, her soft thighs. She moaned from her spot on the bed and I kept moving up her body. Eventually I found myself at the delicate lace covering her. I couldn't stop myself from placing a kiss over the fabric before moving up her body.

"Edward," her arms wrapped around me and she pulled me down on the bed next to her. She pushed me down on my back and straddled me. She sat there on top of me her hair hanging down her back and then she reached behind her and unhooked her bra. My hands reached up of their own volition and I couldn't stop myself from touching her exposed skin. I had dreamed of this moment often but had never thought it was something that might actually happen.

Needing to feel her lips on mine again I pulled her face down to mine. Our bodies moved against each other leaving no question as to what we wanted to do. Moving her to her side I pulled my mouth from hers only long enough to look at her before I removed her last layer of clothing. In response to my unspoken question she removed them herself and moved her hands to my boxers. I helped her push them down my legs and then there was nothing between us anymore.

The only sound in the room was the sound of our breathing. I pushed her down on her back once more because I wanted to explore her body. I wanted to sear it all into my memory again. She was having none of that though.

"I want you now," really how could I deny her. Moving myself until I was positioned over her I kissed her as I pushed myself into her. It was nothing like I had remembered. My memory did not do justice to the feeling of being inside her. I sat there for a moment. Not moving, just savoring this moment.

Her hips moved against mine though and I began to move again. Trying to take my time, to extend and to prolong this. I never wanted this moment to end. If she changed her mind after this I wanted this memory to hang on to.

Obviously she was not in a savoring mood. Her hips bucked against mine and she moaned my name against my lips. I moved faster and was no longer able to kiss her as my breathing became more ragged. She dug her palms into my back urging me along. Her legs wrapped around me and her heels pushed me against her. The smell of her, the taste of her, the feeling of being inside of her was all so overwhelming that I knew it wasn't going to be much longer. The moans and words escaping her lips were only serving to solidify that fact. Increasing my pace I squeezed my eyes closed trying to concentrate on lasting just long enough to make sure she felt good. Her nails dug into my back and my name came screaming from her throat. That was about as much as my body could handle and I said her name over and over again as the pleasure took over my body.

I rolled to my side and kept our bodies connected as I kissed her again. I wanted to thank her, to tell her I loved her, I wanted to never let her go again. But I said nothing as we laid there in her bed our lips pressed against each other, our bodies still recovering. Neither of us said a word, we just held on to each other. I pulled the covers up over us and with our bodies still entwined we drifted off to sleep.

_Well there we go, wasn't where I planned on taking this chapter at all but when I was writing this is what happened so hope you enjoy and more should be coming in the next few days! Thank you again for reading._

_Since I didn't do this at the beginning a big thank you to Tiggrmommi and Who Knows for their help this time around! Couldn't do it without you._

_I do not own!_

_Jaime_


	17. The Next Morning

_A/N – Thank you for the fantastic response to the last chapter. I'm glad that you liked the idea of Bella being strong and letting Edward know that she was capable of making her own decisions._

_This chapter covers the morning after. A big thank you to all the readers, Tiggrmommi and Who Knows. I couldn't do this without any of you._

_I do not own._

BPOV

I opened my eyes to find Edward's hair splayed across my pillow. I watched his eyes moving underneath his eyelids and the small smile that was on his face. It was everything that I had remembered and more. We had woken up several times during the night and our bodies naturally found each others. It had reminded me of the last night that we had spent together. Neither of us wanted to sleep for longer than necessary, we both wanted to memorize everything about each other before we said goodbye. I felt happier than I had in a very long time. I didn't think that we could pick up where we had left off years ago, we were both two different people now but I think we were both working on a foundation that we could build on.

I brushed his hair away from his eyes and he stirred opening just one eye and looking at me. He smiled at me as he finally opened his other eye. He reached out one hand and touched me softly as if he was afraid that I would disappear.

"I thought it was all a dream," he whispered against the pillow. His touch was still light as he moved his hand along my hair. I just watched him and didn't say a word. Last night had been incredible and I didn't want to ruin anything with words. Once we got up and faced the day there were many other things that had to be faced. I wasn't ready to let reality intrude on what we had shared.

My phone began ringing though and I knew that I couldn't avoid the outside world forever.

"Are you going to answer that?" He looked over at the phone that was ringing behind my head.

"No, there is no one that I need to talk to," he smiled and moved closer to me.

The phone stopped ringing as we began to kiss again. I would check the voicemail later. As our hands began to roam each other's bodies the phone began to ring again.

"Perhaps you should get that," I shook my head and began to kiss him again.

"No one I need to talk to," I managed to get out between breaths. As he pulled me on top of him the phone rang again.

"This had better be good," I mumbled as I reached across him to answer the phone.

EPOV

I had to laugh at her as she growled into the phone. I'm not sure if it even qualified as a hello. As her naked body shifted on top of me I tried to distract myself by thinking of anything other than her. Nothing was working though.

"Emmett what couldn't wait that you had to call me three times in a row?" Well that did the job. If there was one person who I wasn't looking forward to seeing from the past it would be Emmett. I doubted that he had ever forgiven me for what I had done to Bella. I couldn't blame him but that didn't mean that I was eager to face him.

"Yes I had a date last night. I didn't realize I was supposed to check in with you," she paused and smiled as she listened to him. "Did you ever consider that the date isn't over yet?"

Even I could hear his response this time.

"Do you mean to tell me that he is still there? Bella what are you thinking? Are you…" She cut him off before he could say anymore.

"You might want to think very carefully before you finish that sentence Emmett," her muscles tensed on top of me. I rubbed her back to try to soothe her. I didn't want her fighting with her friends over me.

"That's better. Yes I know what I am doing." She was listening to whatever he was saying when her expression looked frightened. "Um, I would have to check with him. I'm not sure what his plans are today. No I'm sure he wouldn't try to avoid you. Yes. He's right here. No Emmett. No…no…NO!" I was about to push her off me and get dressed because I was sure that Emmett was already on his way over. "Fine, here," she handed me the phone while mouthing sorry.

"Hello," I held the phone away from my ear just in case.

"Hello Edward. Sorry to interrupt your morning," his tone left no doubt that he was not sorry in the least. "I would like to meet up with you and Bella for lunch today. Do you have any plans?" Did it really matter if I had plans? I was going to have to face him sooner or later if I wanted to be a part of Bella's life.

"No, I have no plans. I'll check with Bella to see if she is free," she nodded. "Where and what time?"

We made the plans and I hung up the phone.

"Sorry about that," she sighed as she lay back against me. "He wouldn't take no for an answer. So where are we having lunch today?"

"He wanted it at his house," I could tell that she was trying hard not to laugh. "I could tell that you are real broken up over this." I rolled her over so that she was lying on her back and I was hovering over her. "What's so funny Swan?"

"You should have seen your face when I gave you the phone," I started to tickle her and she tried to get away. "You are in for it today I hope you know. You had better be prepared," her face turned serious. "He really isn't happy about this."

"Can you blame him Bella? Look I want to be with you and I understand that your friends are part of the deal. I don't want to cause any problems for you with them so I am willing to do whatever it takes to make them understand that I have changed. I can't promise you that I will never hurt you again Bella but I do promise that I will be honest with you every step of the way." I looked into her eyes before I spoke again, cupping her face with my hands. "Bella I never want to lose you again. I'll do what it takes to reassure you and your friends of that."

"But I worry about what Emmett might say," she looked away from me as tears filled her eyes.

"I can handle it Bella. Is it really any less than what I deserve? What were you like after…" I didn't know what exactly to say. After I left? After I broke your heart? "What were you like after I got back from London?"

A tear fell on her pillow leaving a dark stain on her pillowcase. Obviously this was not how I had anticipated our morning starting, but I wanted to face this once and for all. Answer all her questions so that we could move on. We hadn't actually talked about it since we had decided to try again.

"I really don't remember a lot from that time. I'm not even sure how I managed to graduate. Just getting out of bed every morning took so much effort that I didn't even want to bother. I wouldn't have made it without my friends and family. They wouldn't let me give up. They didn't want me to give you the satisfaction of knowing that you had broken me. "

"I can't blame Emmett for being upset with me after what I did. But it is me that he needs to be upset with and not you. None of this was your fault Bella. It was mine. When I got to London I was so scared. I missed you so much that I didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't even know who I was anymore. I had gotten so used to being with you that when I was forced to face life alone I failed miserably. I couldn't focus, I couldn't think and it scared the hell out of me. Before I had met you I never questioned the path that I had laid out for myself. College, law school, become a professor and I began to question all of that. Could I handle law school and still keep you? Because the fact of the matter was that if I was going to be forced to choose between one or the other I knew what was more important at that time and it scared me to be so dependent on you. I began to worry that I wasn't the person who I thought I was."

She didn't move an inch, just stayed there lying next to me. Her eyes were unreadable. I had to let her know once and for all that this was not her fault. There was nothing that she said or did that made me do the things that I did. "I no longer felt confident and sure of myself I only felt alone and worthless and I worried that you were the strong one and that I wasn't capable of being my own person anymore. That is why I wanted us to take a break. I wanted to prove that I could be my own person. Granted I chose the selfish path to prove my point but that was it."

She was crying silently and I realized that she needed closure on the past too. It wasn't something that we could avoid. We both had to face it. "It wasn't until after I lost you that I realized the truth. You made me a better person. Everything I had ever hoped to be was possible because you were by my side; encouraging me, loving me, supporting me," I looked into her eyes as I spoke to her. "Without you I was pathetic and lost. I realized almost instantaneously after I said that we should see other people what a mistake I had made and yet I didn't take it back. I tried to reassure both of us that it was the right thing every time we talked because I knew that when I came back I would make it up to you. I would never take you for granted again and I would show you how much I cherished you."

I pulled her closer before I continued my story. Knowing the next part would be the hardest. I wanted to face her and tell her that I knew that I had screwed up the best thing that had ever happened to me. I was a wreck after I got back from London too but all of that was immaterial because I had caused that.

"Like I told you before when I met Tanya neither of us were looking for a relationship. We were both in one. The first time we slept together I was so ashamed. I had taken your love and thrown it away all for nothing. When it happened again I knew that you couldn't hate me more than I hated myself at the moment. And yet I kept going back. "

"Edward, please you don't have to," her face was in her hands and I was tempted to stop but it would always be there. It was something that would always be in the back of our minds and lingering in our relationship.

"I do have to Bella. I don't want there to be any lingering doubt in your mind that what happened was in any way your fault. You don't deserve that. I took advantage of everything you ever gave me Bella. Why? Because I was stupid? Obviously. Because I was scared? Yes, but that isn't good enough. I hurt you because I was a selfish bastard. I wanted your love but I wanted to be needed too. You've always been stronger than me and for once I felt like someone needed me like that and it was addictive. I was weak and selfish and there is no excuse for what I did. I love you. I never stopped loving you even though that has to be hard to believe."

"I know we were supposed to see other people but I guess I never believed that it would actually happen," she looked me in the eyes as she continued to talk. "Edward I had thought that we would be together forever. I just never thought that there was anything that could pull us apart. It just crushed me to find out I was wrong. No I take that back, it crushed me that you didn't even attempt to talk to me about it. Never once did you take the chance to be honest with me and give me the opportunity to process it before you got back. If we are going to have a relationship from now on we have to be honest with each other even when it hurts. Can you do that? Tell me now because if you can't you need to just leave."

I grabbed her hands in mine because I didn't want her to doubt what I was telling her. "I can do it. Even when what I need to tell you is difficult I will do it because I value you too much to hold anything back from you. I love you Bella and if I am honest with you and I still lose you then at least I know that I did what I could. I don't think I could handle losing you a second time."

She pulled her hands away from mine and then wrapped them around my neck. "I don't want to lose you either." She looked up at me and her hand gently touched my face. She looked at me for a second before moving her lips to mine. Her hands pulled me closer to her and she deepened our kiss. My hands itched to move along her body but I knew that we didn't have the time we needed. We still had to go back to my place so I could change before lunch. I was torn but I knew that making it to lunch late wouldn't help matters with Emmett.

Pulling away I reminded her of our lunch plans.

"We have plenty of time, we aren't meeting him until 12:00," she moved back to kiss me again.

"Bella we still need to go by my place. I think it might look a little odd if I showed up in a suit," she groaned as she moved to her back. "I can call a cab and come by and pick you up in a little while."

She pushed herself out of bed. "No, that won't be necessary. Just get dressed while I take a shower and then we will go by your place and I'll wait for you while you get ready. Does that work for you?"

"That would be great thanks," I watched her as she walked towards her bathroom. She had not put on any clothes last night and it took every ounce of control I had to pull my eyes away from her. I waited until she closed the door and got out of bed and found my clothes and redressed.

BPOV

I stood in the bathroom looking in the mirror while I waited for the shower to heat up. Looking closely I tried to see if I looked any different after last night. Were some of the shadows that had been under my eyes for the past few months gone? Did I look free? All I could see was that my eyes looked brighter. Even after the discussion we just had they looked alive again. I felt confident about us and that was something I had never expected to feel again. I stepped into the shower and let the warm water run over my shoulders. My body was deliciously spent after last night. As if in slow motion I washed my hair and my body while trying my best to prepare for lunch with Emmett. I knew that he had said that he would support my decision no matter what that might be but I had a feeling that he never expected me to forgive Edward. I finished the shower and turned off the water aware of the fact that Edward was out there waiting for me. I grabbed a towel and dried myself off and then firmly wrapped it around my chest before stepping out of the bathroom.

I was surprised to find the bedroom empty but quickly put on my clothes before I went searching for him. Following the smell of coffee brewing I found him sitting at the kitchen table reading the newspaper. When he saw me walking up he got up and poured a cup for me. He brought it over to me and kissed me before handing it to me.

"Thank you," I could get used to starting mornings this way. He waited for me to sit down at the table before sitting next to me and grabbing a section of the paper.

"Did you want something to eat before we head over to my place?" He looked around the kitchen, unsure of where to find some food to eat but it was sweet that he was willing to try.

"I think I'm just going to have a piece of toast. I don't want a full stomach before we head over to Emmett's," he laughed.

"Probably a good idea," he found the bread on the counter and stuck two slices in the toaster. He motioned to the fridge and I shook my head. I felt like dry toast this morning. He brought them to me and stuck some in the toaster for himself. He just sat there watching me and smiling while we ate our toast, neither of us needing to say a word.

When we finished I loaded the cups in the dishwasher and went to the bathroom to quickly dry my hair and apply some make up before we headed to his home. I grabbed my purse and my car keys and he held the door open for me. He held my hand in his as we walked to my car and he opened the car door for me. He waited until I was inside the car before shutting the door behind me.

He gave me directions as we drove towards his home and I immediately loved it as we pulled into the driveway of an updated Victorian home. He told me to wait as he came and opened my door for me before walking with me up the path to his door.

"Feel free to look around while I take a shower," he gave me a quick kiss before heading to the back of the house. "Please help yourself to anything if you need it," he called back to me.

I walked around the house. Seeing the way someone lives in college doesn't necessarily mean that you know what their taste will be when they get older. The house was painted in muted greens and browns with furniture that matched. I liked that he hadn't chosen the typical glass and metal tables but instead had solid wooden tables that gave character to the place.

I stayed away from the bedrooms and kept my focus on the front of the house. He had pictures placed throughout the room and I checked them out recognizing his parents in many of them. One picture placed on a small table in the back of the room caught my eye. I picked it up to examine it closer. The frame looked new but the picture was very old. I remembered that night at the beach clearly. He had told some joke and I had been laughing while looking up at him when Alice took the picture. It had always been one of my favorites but I had thrown it out long ago. I couldn't believe that he still had it. As I placed it back on the table I couldn't help the smile that was on my face.

He poked his head down the hallway just as I put it back. His hair was wet and falling in his eyes and he still held a towel in his hands rubbing it sporadically.

"You didn't find anything incriminating did you?" I laughed and walked across the room to him.

"Exactly the opposite actually," I pointed to the picture in the corner. "I can't believe you still had that."

"It's always been my favorite. I couldn't bring myself to get rid of it. I dug it out the other day and put it there to remember how happy we were together and give myself some hope," he looked embarrassed and looked away from me.

I put a hand on either side of his face and pulled him to me. The moment our lips touched he dropped his towel to the ground and pulled me into him. I continued to kiss him as I pushed him back towards his room.

"Bella," he kissed me, "the time," he kissed me again, "Emmett," he reached his bed and fell back onto it pulling me with him, "lunch."

"Emmett isn't going anywhere," my lips went to his again and his tongue met mine and he rolled me over so that he was on top of me.

He moved his hands down my body and soon Emmett was the last thing on both of our minds.

_I am going on vacation next week so I will try to have one more update before I leave. Thank you again for all the wonderful support._

_Jaime_


	18. Chapter 18

_A/N – Hello again, I'm back from vacation and ready to write again so without further ado here we go._

_Thanks to all my incredible readers and to Tiggrmommi._

_I do not own._

EPOV

"Where's my sock?" I reached under the covers and threw it to her.

"My bra?" She looked around the room and I pulled it off the chair.

"Under…" she stopped mid word and began pulling on her pants. "Not enough time."

Thankfully dealing with Emmett would keep me from lingering too long on the thought of Bella with nothing on underneath her jeans.

We were frantically getting dressed so that we could get to Emmett's house on time. If we were quick we could just barely make it.

"I'll drive," I grabbed my keys from the counter and we walked down to the garage where my car was parked and I held the door open for her. "Just tell me the way." The only words that were spoken as we got closer to Emmett's house were either left here or right at the light. Our jovial mood from earlier was slowly evaporating.

We parked in front of the house with just seconds to spare. I ran to open her door and followed behind her as she walked up the path to Emmett's house. She reached for my hand and grasped it tightly before knocking. We could hear the unmistakable sound of his footsteps approaching the door. He opened the door and the first thing that he looked at was our joined hands. I was tempted to pull away from her but she only grasped tighter as if anticipating my reaction.

"Bella," he gave her a genuine smile and leaned into her to give her a hug. He tried unsuccessfully to pull her from my grasp and eventually gave up.

"Edward," the look he gave me contained barely concealed hatred. The way he said my name left no doubt to his feelings in case I couldn't see it in his eyes.

"It's good to see you again Emmett," I held out my hand and he grabbed it in his own and crushed my hand as he shook it. It was a desperate show of strength that he didn't need to bother with. I had no illusions on that.

"Please come in," he held the door open for us and Rosalie waited inside for us. Her greeting made Emmett's look downright inviting. I shifted my weight from one foot to another wondering how I could make this situation better. Emmett headed towards the dining room, obviously wanting to get this lunch over with as quickly as possible.

"Before we sit down to eat could I please say something?" They all looked at me in surprise. Bella was shaking her head slightly as if to let me know that what I was about to do was unnecessary. She was wrong though. I had told her that I wanted to make this right; that I wanted to make this work. This was one step in a long process, she had forgiven me but there were others that I had been affected by my actions too.

"This ought to be good," Rosalie mumbled under her breath as we walked into the front room. I sat down next to Bella on the couch and Rosalie and Emmett sat across from us and just stared at me, waiting for me to begin.

"First and foremost I want to thank you," they both looked at me clearly confused. "Thank you for taking care of Bella when I didn't." Bella looked down at her lap and I just looked at her as I continued. "I also want to say that I am sorry. Sorry for what I put her through and in turn put you through. I…," Emmett cut me off before I could continue.

"Listen Edward you have no idea what you put her through. Did she tell you that when you first "put her through this" he held up hands and used air quotes, "we had to take turns spending the night with her because she was barely functioning? We wouldn't sleep because we were worried about what she might do. That we had to walk her to ever class just to make sure she went so that she would graduate on time? That we held her when she cried? That it took months for her to smile again." He was about to continue when Bella stood up.

"Stop it Emmett, stop it. I have forgiven him and he is trying to apologize to you. I told him not to bother but he insisted. The least you could do is to give him the courtesy of hearing him out." She sat down but never once looked away from him. "You told me that you would support my decision whatever that might be. This doesn't look like support."

At this point it was if I was no longer in the room. They just spoke to each other.

"I never thought you would actually take him back. That bastard put you though hell and he doesn't even deserve the time of day from you," I watched as he crossed his arms across his chest and kept an eye on the vein that was bulging in his forehead.

"Well thank you for the lunch invitation but I think we should be going," without another word she stood up and headed towards the door. Less than a second later I was following behind her and debating whether or not I should say goodbye when I was stopped by Emmett at the door.

"Listen Cullen she may have forgiven you but we aren't all as gullible as Bella. We won't be dazzled by some sweet words and a puppy dog look," he was blocking my exit and I could see Bella waiting at the end of the walkway for me. I wanted to just get out of there but something he had said was nagging at me.

"Did you just imply that Bella is stupid? I deserve everything and anything that you can throw at me but do not for a second insinuate that Bella is anything less than a wonderful, intelligent, giving, loving woman." I was in his face, both of us breathing heavily as we stared into each other's eyes. "I love her and because I love her I wanted to apologize to her friends, to make amends for my past mistakes. So I'll try again. I'm sorry Emmett for being an asshole all those years ago and for hurting the only thing in my life that has ever mattered. There I have said what I came to say. Have a good day," I pushed him aside and walked down the path to Bella unsure of what her reaction would be to my outburst. She reached for my hand and we walked down the path together.

When we got into the car I waited for her to speak first but she said nothing. I started the car and waited again but still I got nothing.

"Bella?" She looked as though she was wiping a tear from her eye before she looked in my direction.

"What's wrong Bella? I'm sorry if I upset you back there but it needed to be said. He had no right talking about you that way," my fingers gripped the steering wheel tightly. I was getting angry again just thinking about what he had implied about her. I forced myself to take deep breaths and calm down before looking back at her.

"You told him you loved me," she still looked a bit stunned as she quietly said this.

"I told you that this morning Bella. Did you not believe me?" Looking behind me I pulled over to the side of the road.

"I don't think that I really did until a few minutes ago," she took a deep breath again and then started laughing. I wasn't sure what to say to this reaction and so I just watched her. I must have looked quizzical because whenever she looked in my direction she would just laugh harder. She struggled to regain composure and tears rolled down her eyes as she held her stomach. I wasn't sure if it was a good sign that her belief that I loved her sent her into fits of laughter.

"Um, what exactly was that," I asked as she wiped the last of the tears from her eyes.

"Sorry, I think these last few days have just been a bit stressful. I was just thinking about what the two of you looked like standing there in the doorway. I thought he was going to kill you, not that I found that amusing," she was quick to clear up. "No one has ever stood up to Emmett before and the look on his face was priceless."

"I don't want to come between you and your friends Bella," I wasn't sure what our next step was. I hadn't anticipated that kind of response from Emmett and if he was that upset I couldn't imagine what Charlie would be like. That was the price I had to pay though and I would go through that again with Emmett if it meant having Bella by my side.

"It was very hard on Emmett after we broke up. I was in a bad place and he was there for me every day. It is hard for him to believe that I could have actually forgiven you. He's going to have to understand though Edward, you are a part of my life again and if I can forgive you he should be able to." I wasn't so sure about that but I didn't want to press the issue at the moment.

"I don't want to make things harder on you than necessary Bella," she stopped me with her hand on my lips.

"I thought we had discussed this before. I am not the same person you loved all those years ago and I don't need you to make my decisions for me anymore. I will decide exactly how much I can handle do you understand me?" I had never seen that look on her face before. She was strong and independent and it made her even more beautiful. I wondered how I had missed how strong she was so many years ago.

"I understand Bella," I moved back onto the street and drove her back to her house. I walked her up to the door and gave her a chaste kiss goodbye. I think we both needed some space after our last few hours together. We both had some things to get done before work tomorrow too.

"Goodbye Bella, I'll call you later on," I gave her one more hug, not wanting to let her go. "I love you," I whispered into her hair before giving her one last kiss and walking back to my car. It didn't bother me that she hadn't told me that she loved me back. It was enough right now that she let me love her. I drove back home and it now seemed empty without her there. I could still smell her in the air and when I went back into my room the rumpled sheets brought a smile to my face.

I went into the bathroom to take a quick shower before I got to work on the files on my table. I knew that if I could still smell her on me I would never be able to get anything done. When I walked out I could hear the unmistakable beeping of my answering machine. I pressed the play button as I got dressed and as I was pulling up my boxers I heard Emmett's voice fill the room.

"Edward, Bella gave me your number. I think we need to talk," he left his number and hung up.

Although it was tempting to put off the phone call I knew that nothing would be accomplished by avoiding it so I picked up the phone and punched in the number and waited as the phone rang. He answered on the second ring.

"Emmett, its Edward. You called," it was silent for a few seconds before he talked to me. I could imagine him trying to compose himself on the other end.

"I wanted to talk to you about earlier today. I won't apologize for what I said to you but I will apologize for what I said about Bella. She has a right to make her own decisions despite how wrong they might be," I waited for him to continue because this was obviously something he needed to say. "I already apologized to her but I still had a few things I wanted to discuss with you. I will support Bella in her decision to get back together with you because it makes her happy and it has been far too long since I have seen her happy. But understand this; I will be keeping a close eye on you. If you do anything to hurt her like that again you will answer to me and there is nothing that she can say or do that will stop me this time around. Are we clear?"

"Crystal clear. You have to understand something too though Emmett. I love her with all my heart and if I ever do anything to hurt her like that again I wouldn't stop you," if I lost her again there was nothing that he could do to me that could make me feel worse. "Emmett I made it clear to Bella that I didn't want to come between the two of you. I would like for us to be friends again one day but I can understand if you aren't receptive to the idea. The fact of the matter is that I plan on being around for a very long time." Things were silent on his end but I just waited patiently for him.

"Edward I can't say that I forgive you yet but I do admire you for standing up to me."

"She is worth fighting for Emmett. I won't be stupid enough to make that mistake again." We said our goodbyes and then got off the phone. It was a small step but I felt like finally things were moving in the right direction.

I hung up the phone and immediately began to dial again because I knew that Bella would be waiting. She picked up on the first ring.

"Edward," she sounded breathless. "He wanted the number and I knew that the two of you needed to talk." She didn't apologize or make any excuses for what she had done like she would have in the past. We discussed the call and she let out a sigh of relief.

"He wanted to know where you lived but I didn't think that that was the best idea." We both laughed. We talked for a few more minutes before getting off the phone.

"I love you," now that it was out there I couldn't stop myself from saying it.

"Thank you," were her last words before she hung up. It wasn't I love you but it was a step in the right direction. It meant that she actually believed me and that meant more to me than words did. I hung up the phone and got to work. For the first time in a long time I wasn't hopeful, I was happy.

_A/N – More coming soon._


	19. Special Notice

_Sorry not an update yet but just a little notice that I am participating in the Support Stacie fanfic auction. There a lot of other fabulous writers participating also so please check it out. It ends on Sundy!_

_Here is the link_

_www dot majiksfanfic dot ?f=115_

_Thank you and I promise that I will be updating soon!_

_Jaime_


	20. Meeting the Family

_A/N – I know that it has been quite a while but here we go!_

_Thanks to Tiggrmommi for always being there for me._

_I do not own!_

EPOV

"Bella I promise it will be okay," I watched as she smoothed down her skirt for what had to be the tenth time.

"Um, I might change into the other skirt instead," I stopped her before she ran back into her room again.

"Bella you look amazing. Why are you so nervous," she paced around the room, picking up random items and putting them back down. "This isn't the first time you have met them." I went over to her and wrapped my arms around her to try to settle her. She was like a nervous ball of energy in my arms. "My parents love you."

"Correction Edward, your parents loved me. I never said goodbye and never returned any of your mother's calls."

"Bella I can guarantee that she was more upset with me over that than she was with you. I think that she would have rather lost contact with me than to never hear from you." She still didn't look convinced so I decided to change the subject. "How did the deposition with Woodruff go the other day? I think we have our work cut out for us."

"Nice try Cullen. You can't just change the subject and expect me to forget that we are having dinner with your parents tonight." I couldn't help the laugh that escaped from me. "Oh, so you think this is funny do you Chuckles?" She poked her finger into my chest. "Let's see who is laughing when we have dinner with Charlie next week," that sobered me up immediately. It had seemed like the right thing to do. I still felt like that even after my failed attempt with Emmett. It had taken weeks for me to convince her that I had to do this. Then another few weeks for her to actually call him and let him know that she was dating me again. That was not a phone call that I remembered with fondness. I had wanted to be there to support her and it was obvious that he was not thrilled with her news.

To Bella's credit she didn't back down from his obvious criticism. When she hung up the phone her face was stoic. I didn't want to cause conflict with her and her father but she wasn't willing to discuss it any further. She promised that he would come around in his own time and within a week he had called her back and they had set up a time when we could all have dinner together. I tried to pretend that I wasn't nervous but I had written and rewritten what I would say to him in my spare time. Over the past few weeks I had gotten more insight into what her life had been like during our time apart and although she had been happy these past few years the beginning was rough on everyone in her life. I really couldn't blame them for their reaction to me reappearing back in her life.

Since we had reunited we had fallen into a comfortable routine. At work we maintained a professional distance and then at night we spent as much time together as we could. I could spend hours with her just sitting on her couch and talking. Weekends we would occasionally do something with friends. We would alternate between my group and hers. My friends accepted her instantly and we could be fun and carefree with them. Her friends were coming around although I still found it somewhat intimidating to spend any time with them. Emmett always seemed to keep one eye on me no matter what we were doing. It was as if he expected me to hurt her at any second. To his credit he managed to hide this from Bella who would not have tolerated it very well. We were all slightly fearful of angering Bella.

Every night before bed, either holding her in my arms or talking to her on the phone I would tell her I loved her and she would thank me. In the beginning she would try to explain herself or apologize but I would have none of that. I didn't want her to pity me for loving her. I was willing to have her in whatever capacity I could. She may have not have been able to say the words to me but I knew her well enough to be able to see what she wasn't capable of saying. It was evident in the way she touched me, the way she kissed me and the way she would look at me from across the room. I wasn't going to push her because I knew that once she told me how she felt about me she gave me the power to hurt her again.

Despite that small hurdle things were progressing quite nicely which led us to tonight. My mother had been waiting rather impatiently for this opportunity since I had first told her that Bella and I were dating again. Bella had put this off for as long as she possibly could. For some odd reason she was scared of seeing them again.

I finally got her out of the house and we drove to my parent's home in the Bay. I tried on several occasions to talk to her but she looked out the window and fidgeted with the hem of her skirt. She tore furiously at a lose thread as I pulled into the driveway and I put my hand over hers. I couldn't bear to watch the poor thread being tortured any more. I parked and before I could even open my door my mother was outside waiting anxiously for Bella to emerge from the car. This was the most excited I had ever seen her in my life. I went to Bella's side and opened her door before my mother beat me to it.

I held out my hand for hers and waited while she took a deep breath before grabbing on to it. Her hand was clammy and I squeezed it gently to let her know that everything would be okay. She held onto me tightly as I led her towards Esme who apparently had no sense of body language and threw herself at Bella and hugged her tightly.

"Oh Bella we've missed you," Bella looked lost for a moment and then finally let go of my hand and hugged her back. I could see my father waiting in the doorway and he waved me over.

"Let them have some time," he whispered as I got closer to him. We made our way into the house and I found that apparently my mother had been very busy. There were flowers everywhere and a veritable buffet of appetizers set out as if she had expected more than just Bella and me. Suddenly I panicked hoping that she hadn't invited anyone else. I looked at my father and he seemed to read my mind.

"Don't worry, she was just a bit excited and has been cooking since 6 this morning. Now that you are here I can finally try some of this," he went to grab for a shrimp off one of the trays when my mother called from outside.

"Don't you even think about touching any of that food yet," he jumped away from the tray.

"I swear I will never know how she does that," he walked out of the room grumbling under his breath.

I turned towards the front door just in time to see Bella walking in with Esme. The sun was shining from behind them and Bella was literally glowing as she walked through the door. Esme had her hand wrapped around Bella's waist as if she refused to let go of her. It was almost as if she feared that she would bolt if she wasn't being restrained. I could see the conflict inside her as her natural hosting tendencies warred with her need to keep Bella here so I went to help out. I reached for Bella's hand and pulled her away from Esme and led her to where Carlisle was.

When we walked into the room he hesitated before crossing the room and giving her a big hug. They were both cautious where Bella was concerned, not wanting to scare her away but not sure how to treat her considering how close they had been years ago. Bella didn't hesitate before returning the hug and I let out a sigh of relief.

Esme came crashing into the room with a tray piled high with food and almost pushed me out of the way to sit next to Bella. As time went on I could see the stress visibly ease from Bella's shoulders as she filled them in on the events of her life these past few years. We all avoided the reasons why she hadn't been around and just focused on the positive of having her here now.

When we had discussed every possible topic we moved into the dining room to eat the prime rib and various sides that Esme had prepared. I knew that I wouldn't have to worry about what I was going to eat for the rest of the week from the looks of the amount of food on the table. At dinner Bella and I sat across from each other but she didn't look intimidated. She had practically been family years ago and I was hoping that would still fit right back in. She belonged here. I may not have realized that fully years ago and it wasn't until after her absence that I noticed how much more alive everything was now that she was here.

I couldn't tear my eyes away from her the entire dinner and when it was over I stayed by her side as we chatted with my parents. I know that we stayed and talked for some time but I could remember nothing, I was focused on her, making sure that she was comfortable and okay. After Esme served dessert Bella rose to help her clear the dishes and I tried to do it instead but she insisted that she was okay. I just sat and watched as they walked away together into the kitchen. It was like old times, their heads slightly bent towards each other and their soft laughter carrying to me as they got further away. I turned my attention to my father and waited patiently for them to return.

BPOV

As I stood up to help Esme my stomach filled with butterflies. She had been nothing but polite to me since I walked in the door and yet I still felt nervous around her. I kept thinking back to all the messages I had deleted from her, all the calls ignored, the letters returned. Did I apologize? Did I ignore it? I wasn't sure how to proceed. I was debating as I put the dishes in the sink when she came over to me and put her arm around me. She took my hands in her own and turned me to face her.

"Bella, I am so sorry for everything that happened. I'm sorry that I didn't try harder to keep in contact. I have never stopped thinking about you, wondering if you were okay after what Edward did." Tears filled my eyes and I knew that I needed to stop her but I couldn't get the words out so I just shook my head trying to get her to stop.

"I should be the one apologizing," I somehow managed to get out. My voice sounded shaky and I tried to wipe away the tears before they could fall down my cheeks. "I never returned a single call, never acknowledged…"

She cut me off before I could continue.

"Stop now Bella. My son had just broken your heart. I never once blamed you for not wanting to talk to me. That was a very difficult time around here. I love my son and always will but during that time I will admit that I didn't like him very much. I just want to say sorry Bella, sorry for…"

It was my turn to cut her off. I had spent enough time listening to apologies for the past and now I wanted to focus on the present.

"It wasn't your fault Esme. I should have talked to you, explained to you how I was feeling at the time but it was too painful," she came up to me and wrapped her arms around me. I tried to stop them but as soon as her arms were around me the tears started to fall. "I've missed you," she didn't say anything else, she just held me until my tears stopped. As she handed me a Kleenex I saw Edward poke his head in the door and his face filled with concern as he saw me wiping away tears. He looked at his mother as if she had hurt me and was across the room in an instant taking me from her arms and wrapping his around me. He took the Kleenex from me and wiped the tears from my face.

"What happened," he kissed my forehead. "Is everything okay, do you want to leave," he kept talking but I stopped listening to what he was saying. I felt safe in his arms, I felt loved. I knew that he had been telling me for weeks but not until this moment had I actually believed it. He stood here protecting me from his family without even knowing what had happened. I didn't need him to protect me, to fight my battles for me but I did need him to love me. I'm not sure why but now that I had it everything felt complete, I felt whole again.

"I'm okay, nothing happened." He looked at me and looked unsure of whether or not to believe me but he just nodded his head and pulled me as close as he could. I could hear his heart beating in his chest, feel his arms around me and as we stood there I knew that I was in love with him again too.

I'm not sure how long we stood there, him comforting me but eventually I looked up at him. He still looked concerned and I raised my hand to his face. He closed his eyes as my fingers touched his cheek.

"Thank you for being there," he hadn't stopped anything from happening to me but he had been willing to. For so long I had wanted to appear strong to everyone around me, to prove that I didn't need anyone or anything to complete me.

"I'll always be here for you Bella, for as long as you want me to be," as I looked into his eyes I believed him. There were no words that came to me to say to him so I got up on my tiptoes and kissed him on his lips lightly. I moved my head to his chest and hoped that somehow we could make all of this craziness work.

We left not too long afterward. Both Carlisle and Esme gave me a large hug on the way out and I clung to them feeling at home again. Many years had passed and yet it was like nothing had changed. As Edward walked me to the car he didn't let go of my hand until he had safely deposited me in my seat. I was quiet, unsure of what to say and he seemed to feel the same. I could feel him look at me occasionally but I didn't acknowledge it as I looked out my window at the lights of the city passing by.

When we pulled up in front of my place I waited as he walked around to open my door and reached for the hand he held out for me. My mind was a mix of emotions, did I love him, what did I want with him, was I ready for this? As his hand wrapped around mine and I felt the warmth envelop me, the warmth that spread from my hand down through my body I knew that the answer had to be yes. Because the one thing I was sure of was that I couldn't live without him anymore. It both scared me and made my heart race. I worried about making myself vulnerable to him, about having my heart broken again but deep down I knew I wasn't that same girl that I had been years ago. Could I get hurt? Of course I could. Could he leave me? That too was an option but the same thing could be said for any relationship. I could hurt him or leave him too. I couldn't avoid happiness because I didn't want to take a chance and have things end badly. I had spent enough years avoiding life, here and now I made the decision….it was time to live again.

EPOV

She had been incredibly quiet since she had talked to my mother. It was obvious as she stared out the window that she was doing some serious thinking about something. I worried about what that might be and what conclusions she might come to. We arrived at her house and still not a single word had been uttered. I started to say something to her in the car but then decided that I didn't want this conversation to take place in a car. I wanted her to be comfortable when she told me she didn't want me anymore. I opened my door and held my hand out to her; I got no reaction as I wrapped my hand around her own. She didn't drop it though as I helped her to her door and I allowed myself a little hope as she dropped it to open her door. I stood in the doorway unsure of what to do and she turned and looked at me as if she was surprised that I hadn't followed her in.

Walking in I moved to the couch and sat down as I watched her pace back and forth. With each step that she took my anxiety increased tenfold wondering what she had to say that had her so agitated. She started and stopped many times before she finally came and sat down next to me.

"Edward…" her voice trailed off and she looked down at her hands. "I have something that I want to tell you." She was wringing her hands now and it broke my heart to see her so upset by this. I would make it easy for her.

"I understand, I know how hard it must have been for you to even try in the first place," I tried to compose my voice, to keep it from shaking. I could break down in the car; I wouldn't allow it to happen in front of her. She didn't need that image in her head. "These past few months have been the happiest of my life," I was looking at the floor, unable to see her as I spoke these words. "I understand, really I do. This was more than I could have ever hoped for," I took a deep breath as my feet blurred in front of me.

"Edward, what are you saying?" Her soft warm hand squeezed my knee and I couldn't help the shudder that went through my body at her touch.

"I'm trying to make this easy for you Bella. You don't need to feel bad, I understand that you can't do this anymore," I placed my hand on top of hers. It would torture me later but I had to touch her.

"Can't do this anymore?" My head snapped to look at her at the sound of shock in her voice. "Is that what you thought I was trying to say?" I nodded my head, unsure of the direction that the conversation was taking.

"Oh Edward, I wasn't trying to worry you. I wasn't sure of the best way to say this," she placed her hands on either side of my face and pulled my head until I was looking into her eyes. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. When she opened them again she looked confident as she began to speak again. "These past few months have been amazing Edward, I feel alive again, like I have found a part of me that I hadn't realized was missing. I owe that to you. I never thought that you would be part of my life again, that I could let you back in but you were my first love and a part of my heart always belonged to you despite the past."

"Bella if there was any way I could change the past, go back," she put a finger over my lips.

"Let me finish please," I nodded and she continued. "You were always part of me Edward and always will be. I forgive you for the past. I don't want to talk about it anymore, don't want to dwell on it. I want to focus on our future Edward. I want a future with you, couldn't imagine one without you in it. Although I tried to deny it, I can't anymore and I don't want to," she looked up into my eyes and took one last breath. "I love you Edward."

Relief flooded my system as I realized she wasn't going to break up with me and then what she said sunk in. She loved me; she actually told me that she loved me. Happiness flowed through my body and the utter joy I felt at that word made me shake. I pulled her to me and as my lips found hers I knew that this was where we belonged. I pulled her onto my lap and enveloped her in my arms as we kissed. When we were both breathless she pulled back and whispered _I love you _against my lips. She whispered it over and over again as she placed light kisses on me. I couldn't get enough of those three words though so I moved my lips down to her neck, wanting to feel the words as they vibrated against my lips.

I told her that I loved her over and over again as my hands moved down her back, they moved under her shirt pulling her into me. She moved her head back and looked into my eyes before resting her forehead against mine. There was nothing left to say, all the important words had been used and if she never said anything thing again I would be okay because her last words made everything in my life perfect. So we sat and held each other, cherishing the moment that neither of us had every imagined could come to be. The moment that I had never dared to hope was possible.

_Thank you everyone for sticking with me. I promise the rest won't take nearly as long. Thank you again and see you in about a week or so!_

_Jaime_


	21. Charlie

_A/N – I know it has taken me forever to get this up but I hit a block and it took some time to get the right direction. The good news is that the story is completely written now so it will not take long from here on out._

_Thanks for your patience._

_Thanks to Tiggrmommi for her help with this and everything!_

_I do not own._

EPOV

When I looked back at the relationship that we used to have five years ago I know that we had loved each other. There was no doubt about it, but this time around it was different. As if our capacity to love had evolved, changed somehow. I knew that we were different people, as our experiences for better or worse had changed us. I liked to think that things were better than they had been before. That somehow we had a better chance now that we were both grown up. That we weren't blinded by our age or innocence and that our experiences had brought us back together for a reason.

Her confession of love broke down the last of the walls she had built up around herself. I could tell that she wasn't holding back anymore and even the act of kissing her was different. She gave herself to me without hesitation. Her lips sought mine more often and I always could taste a slight hint of her whenever I licked my lips. I spent the weekend at her house and only reluctantly left when we both had to get ready for work.

People at work still didn't know although to any person with eyes it seemed obvious. When our eyes met across the room I could feel the heat that came off both of us. We had both worked too hard to get to this point in our careers though and when at work that came first. We were always quite formal with each other when working together and although I could see the questioning looks we got no one dared to come out and ask outright.

When we got home we were in constant contact. She would place her feet on my legs as we sat on opposite ends of the couch to get some work done, she rested her head on my shoulder as we watched the news at the end of the night and I always seemed to be absentmindedly rubbing her back whenever she was close enough.

Our life during our time off was idyllic and I almost hated for anyone to intrude on it but this weekend I had no choice. We had made plans to see her father and despite my apprehension I knew that this was the last hurdle I had to face. He had always been wary of me when we had been dating. He viewed me as the person who was taking his baby from him and he did not see me as worthy to the task. Unfortunately I had done nothing to alleviate his concerns and had confirmed every horrible thing he had thought of me.

I wiped my hands on my pants one last time as our flight descended. Bella was quiet on the flight, only looking at me occasionally and smirking at my obvious discomfort. I felt bad for teasing her last weekend. This feeling was hell. The not knowing what awaited me when I saw him again. My apprehension was compounded by the fact that he was legally allowed to carry a gun.

"Is he picking us up?" I wasn't sure what was worse. Being stuck in a car with Chief Swan on the drive home from the airport or the agony of waiting as each mile brought us closer to her childhood home. I wondered what happened to all my confidence. I had no problem standing up to Emmett but this was her father and I respected him too much to be confrontational.

"Yes, he said he would be waiting at the terminal for us." She reached for my hand and squeezed it and then leaned over to place a kiss on my cheek. "It's going to be okay."

She had tried to reassure me several times that it would be fine. She looked over as me as the cabin doors opened and rose to get her overhead bag, dashing my hopes that we could be the last ones off the plane.

"Really Edward, it will be okay. If you get too uncomfortable let me know okay." She had turned back towards me as people filed out of the plane. "I love you, remember that."

"Let's go." I said with false bravado. We got off the plane and I spotted him immediately. He looked exactly the same as I had remembered him. His dark hair and mustache had a bit more gray speckled throughout it but he still had that same air of authority about him. It was clear that he was a man who was used to being in charge. His hands were crossed across his chest as he scanned the crowd. His eyes narrowed as he caught sight of me but then he found Bella and his face lit up.

I pointed her in his direction and she rushed towards him and wrapped her arms around him. He held her for a moment before she pulled away and looked towards me.

"Nice to see you again Chief Swan." I held out my hand to him and I noticed the subtle poke that Bella gave him before his hand extended to mine.

"Edward." His voice was gruff as he said my name and I hoped that this weekend wouldn't be too bad.

He said nothing to me as we headed to the car. I sat in the back of the police car behind the plexi glass partition as he and Bella caught up. She kept trying to include me in the conversation and he grudgingly spoke a few words to me. It was a tense drive to his house but we made if eventually. He hung back as Bella went upstairs to check out her old bedroom.

"Edward can we talk for a minute?" He led the way to the backyard and I followed without saying a word. He turned to me as soon as we got outside. He didn't look angry but he looked at me as if unsure of what to say.

"Chief Swan can I say something first please?" He nodded and I took a deep breath before I began speaking. "I wanted to apologize to you. I know that what happened was unforgivable and I apologize for the pain that I caused not only Bella but yourself as well."

"I don't want to rehash the past Edward. I know that she has forgiven you and for me that is enough. She is an adult and she can make her own decisions, whether or not I agree with them." He looked me in the eye as he said this. He made it very clear that this was one decision that he didn't agree with. "Just know this Edward if you ever hurt her like that again there is nothing or no one that will stop me from finding you. I respected her wishes last time but…" He trailed off and I had no doubt about his intentions.

"I understand. Please understand that I will never put her through anything like that again. I love her. I want to spend the rest of my life with her if she will have me." He tensed at this bit of news but didn't let any emotion cross his face.

"Are you sure that she will be enough for you? How do you know that one day you won't get bored and find someone better than her?" I flinched as the words left his mouth. I understood his anger and his questions but I tried to control the anger in my voice as I responded to him.

"There is no one better than her. I've made the mistake of letting go of her once and I don't intend to be that stupid again. I love her, I understand your concern. I deserve to be doubted but please let me prove myself to not only her but you as well. She means the world to me Chief Swan and I never want to see her in pain again, especially if I am the one who caused it. If ever I should hurt her again and see her look at me the way she did when I got back from England I will gladly leave her alone forever because I do not want to ruin the one perfect thing in my world." My voice shook at the end as I tried my best to control the emotion in my voice.

He looked at me for a few moments, his head to the side like Bella did when she was thinking about something.

"Thank you." He turned around and walked back into the house. I wasn't sure if he had accepted my apology or not but I had at least put it out there. I followed him back into the house and found Bella waiting anxiously in the kitchen.

Charlie walked straight to the living room giving us some privacy.

"Is everything okay?" She stopped wringing her hands and reached for mine.

"I think so. I'm still alive and count that as a miracle." She looked upset for a moment and I didn't understand why.

"Was he rude to you? I warned him to be nice. I'm going to go talk to him." She started to push away from the table and I pulled on her hands to stop her.

"He was fine, better than I could have hoped for. " She looked wary and I moved closer to her. "Really it was fine. He let me know where I stood and I apologized to him." She didn't look convinced but she relaxed. "Bella, really you don't need to worry. I'm not saying that everything is fixed but at least he talked to me."

I reached out to her and pushed a lock of hair back behind her ear. She leaned into my hand and I moved forward kissing her lightly trying to ease her fears. She wrapped her arms around my head and pulled me closer, her lips moving insistently against mine. Neither of us heard her father come into the kitchen. He cleared his throat and we both jumped apart as if we were teenagers getting caught doing much worse.

"Nice to see that you have made yourself at home." Bella's face turned bright red as her father walked to the fridge and grabbed a beer. We said nothing but I tried to subtly move my chair further away from Bella. Both of us watched as he went to the cupboard and got some sort of snack and moved back to the living room.

Bella started laughing as soon as he was out of the room. "Well that was awkward. Why don't we go join him?" We spent the afternoon watching baseball and drinking beer, we ordered pizza for dinner and to my surprise I actually enjoyed the day. Not once did I feel out of place or worried and I could tell that Charlie was relaxing too. I only called him that in my mind though because as of yet he hadn't given me the okay to call him by his first name.

The day flew by and before I knew it I noticed that it was dark when I looked outside. I was surprised to see that it was past ten and I could see Bella trying to stifle a yawn. Charlie also looked like he was about to pass out in his chair so I figured bed time was upon us. We hadn't discussed sleeping arrangements and I wasn't about to bring it up.

"I think I need to head to bed. Edward?" I could tell she had realized the same thing as soon as she said my name.

"Edward will be perfectly comfortable on the couch." Charlie informed us as he pushed himself up and out of his recliner. "Right Edward?"

Bella looked at each of his and opened her mouth as if she were preparing to say something but she changed her mind and continued to stare, her gaze moving back and forth between the two of us.

"Yes, that was what I expected." I looked down at the lumpy couch that had obviously seen better days. It was a small price to pay to ensure a smooth relationship with him. Charlie nodded and Bella still looked like she wasn't sure whether or not to argue. I shook my head at her and she came to my side and wrapped her arms around me and whispered _thank you_ before placing a light kiss on my lips. Charlie coughed in the background, obviously not trying to be discreet.

_I love you_ I whispered back and kissed her back. She headed upstairs with her father and I was left by myself. I made my way to the downstairs bathroom and washed up. Bella was sitting on the couch when I got out of the bathroom.

"Well this is a nice surprise." I sat down next to her and she leaned against me.

"I thought you might like some blankets and a pillow." She patted the pile next to her.

"Thanks. How do you think it is going?" I was worried about my impression with Charlie but I was more worried about what her impression was. She was the one I would be going home with, she was the one I wanted to build a future with and if she wasn't happy then all of it didn't matter.

"We talked for a little while before he went to his room. He wants me to be happy and I assured him that I was." She traced her fingers along my face as she moved back so that she was looking up at me. Using her hand she pulled me face down to hers until our lips met. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her closer to me.

We kept the kiss light and chaste, both of us acutely aware of our location. It was exactly what we both needed at that moment though. I had been filled with stress in anticipation of this weekend and she always seemed to know what I needed.

We sat there for quite some time, whispering to each other and kissing. We reached the point where neither of us could hide our yawns and reluctantly she rose to go to bed upstairs. I watched her walk away and then tried my best to get comfortable on the couch. It was a small price to pay though, for her it was all worth it.

CPOV

I kept a close eye on the two of them all weekend long. As much as I wanted to hate him again and to find something that I could use in order to get him out of Bella's life even I had to admit that she was happy. She had been happy without him after some time but this was different now. Her face lit up when she was around him and even I couldn't hate someone who made her so happy.

Did that mean that I forgave him for the pain that he had caused her? I still wasn't sure. She was a different person than she had been back then and I don't think she would let herself get hurt like that again. She was an adult though and she could make her own decisions. It wasn't my place to influence her choices but to accept them and hope that she was happy.

I had a feeling that hating Edward would get me nowhere either. It was obvious that he was going to be a part of her life for a long long time. He loved her, anyone could see that and even though he had been an imbecile when he was younger he made it clear that he didn't plan on making the same mistake twice.

On Sunday we all decided to spend the day in Seattle before their flight. We went to lunch and walked around the wharf. I had a few moments where I had to be alone with Edward and at first it was awkward but we managed to find common ground with sports and other miscellaneous things until we reached the point where I didn't dread being left alone with him.

That was why it surprised me when I was waiting with them at the airport when Bella went to go get some food and Edward began to look nervous. I thought we had passed that point so I just waited for him to say whatever it was he needed to get out.

I people watched for a few minutes before he finally got up the nerve to speak to me.

"Chief Swan." He wiped his hands on his legs and it was obvious that he was anxious. Body language was a big part of my life and I was certain that whatever he had to say had him worried.

"Please call me Charlie." I felt it was the least I could do after the effort he had put forth this weekend.

"Charlie, I need to ask you something before Bella gets back." He looked up, scanning the crowd for her.

I waited for him to continue, it looked like he needed all the momentum he could get to continue.

"I hope that it is clear to you how much I love your daughter. With her in my life everything is better, that was true before and it is even more apparent now. She is the one who I want to share everything with, the one who I want to come home to at the end of the day, the one…" I had to cut him off or else he might continue this all night long and Bella was bound to come back soon.

"You might want to get to the point before she gets back." He shook his head as if to reset his frame of mind and started over again.

"What I am trying to say is that I can't imagine my life without her and I don't want to have to. Sir with your permission I would like to ask Bella to marry me." He watched me, waiting for my answer as if he was unsure of what I might say. Although it was tempting to make him sweat I wanted to put him out of his misery.

"Of course Edward, I appreciate you asking me first." I held my hand out and shook the hand of the man who would one day be little girl's husband. I could only hope that she would spend a lifetime being as happy as she was right now.

She came back a few minutes later and he rose to help her with the food and kissed her on the top of her head after she was sitting down. I had a feeling that I had nothing to worry about it, she looked like she had a lifetime of happiness ahead of her.

EPOV

We waved one last time as we walked down the hallway to our seats. Bella had given her father a big hug and I had shaken his hand one last time as we left. I felt much better about my future now that the visit was over. I hadn't planned on asking Charlie for his permission to marry Bella but it had felt so right and that was where I saw us heading. There was nothing planned, no ring purchased but when I had her hand in mine I knew that she was my future and it was only a matter of time before I asked her.

She chattered the entire flight home, excited about how well it had gone. I was too nervous to realize how nervous she had been on the way over. The flight went quickly and before long we were in my car and I was driving her back to her place. I came inside and we both put our bags down and headed to the bedroom. I would have to leave early in order to get ready for work in the morning but I wasn't willing to leave her side. After spending two nights on the couch I wanted to feel her soft body next to mine, wanted to hold her next to me.

As we got into bed together she thanked me again for a wonderful weekend and then she kissed me with all the passion that we had been holding back on all weekend long. Our hands explored each other's bodies and we kissed as we joined together. As I held her and watched her as she drifted off to sleep I realized that soon, very soon I wanted to make it so that we never had to leave each other's sides again. Very soon I wanted to make her my wife. That was my last thought as I drifted off to sleep.

_Hope you enjoyed! More coming very soon. Thanks for taking the time to read._


	22. Chapter 22

"_Hello you've reached Edward, I can't come to the phone right now please leave a message and I will get back to you as soon as I can."_

"_Hey Edward it's Bella….again. Um….please call me back when you get the chance."_

I hung up the phone and wondered what had happened. He had been off since we went to Forks. He wasn't around as much and when he was he was distracted. It was like something had changed but I didn't know what it could have been. I tried to not let my mind wander and come up with reasons why he was acting different but that was impossible.

We used to spend every night together and now in the three weeks since we had been back he had only spent the night twice. I was trying to not be paranoid, was trying to be understanding but it was getting harder and harder. He didn't even seem to notice when I stopped trying to spend time with him, he almost acted as if it was a relief to him. So I spent many nights alone, many nights sitting in the dark wondering what went wrong this time.

EPOV

Things never really quite go as planned. I was so certain that it would be easy to propose and then make her my wife but it takes a bit more than that to plan a proposal. I had already asked her father which to me was the main hurdle but now I had to worry about a ring, the location, what I said. Then I began to wonder if she would even say yes. She told me she loved me daily but was she saying it because she didn't want me to feel bad? Was I rushing things? I began to drive myself crazy, second guessing every little thing.

I know that I was acting different when I was around her. She would look at me oddly when I made excuses as to why I couldn't come over after work or why I needed to do something alone. At first she would protest then eventually she gave up fighting and didn't even ask me to come over. It was a relief because it made it easier. My evenings alone were spent going to jewelry store after jewelry store looking for the perfect ring. I knew that I was neglecting our relationship but I figured that all would be forgiven once she knew what I was up to. Then I could spend eternity making it up to her. We would never have a reason to be apart again.

Then one day, three weeks after we got back from Charlie's house I found it. The perfect ring, sitting there in a store window I had passed many times before. I had thought that I was never going to find it but once I saw it I knew. It was simple but unique and beautiful I knew that she would love it. I went into the store and my finger shook as I pointed to the gold band with a raised center that held a princess cut diamond. I had no clue of her ring size, if it was too big or small but none of that mattered, we could fix it together. Now that I had it, I needed to see her.

Once it was wrapped and in a box I felt much better. A feeling of relief spread through my body and I went straight to Bella's house. I needed to see her, to have her next to me. I knew that I had been neglecting her and now I had no reason to avoid her anymore. With the ring in hand I drove to her house. The next part of my plan would be easier now that I had the ring. It wasn't necessary to keep my distance anymore. I couldn't wait to see her again, it felt like it had been so long since we had been together and even though there was a good reason for it I never wanted to go through that again.

I parked and ran up to her doorstep, my fingers kept reaching for the box in my pocket and I wondered how long I would be able to hold out until I asked her to be mine forever. She didn't answer immediately and I knocked again. As she opened the door and I saw her I knew that I wouldn't be able to wait very long at all.

BPOV

"What's up Bella? You're not looking so hot." Leave it to Rosalie to be tactful. I don't know why I had agreed to dinner with them, I should have known that they would see right through me.

Things with Edward were beginning to get me angry. Whenever I tried to approach him he always seemed to be running off to one place or another. He never had time for me and I had stopped being understanding. I worked with him and knew that there was nothing that he was working on that would account for his neglect. It opened up more time for my friends though so I tried to look at that as a bright spot, until the interrogation began.

"Oh nothing." I hoped in vain that it would be dropped but I should have known better.

"Bella you can talk to us. We hardly ever see you anymore and now when we do instead of the glow of love you look like shit." Alice looked at me critically as she spoke.

"Well thanks Alice. That makes me feel much better." Despite the way I was feeling I couldn't stop the laughter that escaped from me.

"Sorry Bella but it is the truth. What's going on?" Her eyes were sympathetic as she looked at me and she reached across the table for my hand.

"I'm not sure what is going on. Edward has been acting so strange lately." Without any intention to do so I spilled everything to them. The excuses every night, the missed phone calls, the distance when we were together. It felt good to finally have someone to talk to.

"Do you think?" Alice hesitated but something in my look must have made her continue. "Do you think he could be cheating on you?"

"Well I hadn't until you brought it up." I tried to think of the past few weeks. The avoidance, the strange way he had been acting, the increasingly stupider excuses he came up with to avoid spending time with me and suddenly I began to wonder.

"Oh Alice stop that. The guy is crazy in love with her." We both looked at Rosalie as if something had happened to her. I never would have imagined that she would have stuck up for Edward.

"Yeah, she's right Bella. It has to be something else. Is something going on at work?" They sat there questioning me and I had no concrete reason as to his change in behavior.

I don't remember much about the rest of the dinner. My mind kept analyzing his behavior and comparing it to how he acted all those years ago. Then it wasn't obvious to me that something was going on but now there was. I left the lunch as soon as I could without being rude my mind going at 100 miles per hour. I went home and checked my messages only to realize that Edward hadn't called yet again. I debated about whether or not I should call him but shook my head and headed to bed. Tossing and turning all night I woke up restless and unprepared to face another day.

The next day dragged on and I wasn't surprised to have no interaction with Edward. It was becoming the norm and I was resigning myself to the fact that I might have to get used to a life without Edward, again. I spent the day wondering what it was about me that couldn't hold his interest. Why I was incapable of maintaining a relationship and by the time I got home I was a wreck. I took a long bath, my tears mingling with the lukewarm water. I sat there for a long time trying to figure out what had happened so that next time I would know better. But who was I kidding, I couldn't do this again. There wouldn't be a next time. I had been used to a life alone before Edward came back and given some time I could adjust again. It would be easier than feeling this way. I was foolish to ever think that Edward and I had a chance again. I hadn't been enough before and it hadn't taken him long to figure it out this time around. I suppose there was some relief in that. At least I didn't waste five years of my life planning a future that would never happen.

With a deep sigh I got up out of the tub and dried myself off and put my pajamas on. I wasn't ready for bed yet despite the hour and grabbed a book I had been meaning to read for quite some time now. I was just sitting down on the couch getting comfortable when there was a knock at the door. Looking at the clock I wondered who it could be, I wasn't expecting anyone. I was debating about answering it when there was another knock.

Checking the peephole I was surprised to see Edward. Taking a deep breath and trying to prepare myself I unlocked the door and let him in, dreading the reason as to why he was here. He looked so excited and he drew me into his arms as soon as he walked through the door. I had missed this, the way I felt with his arms wrapped around me. Closing my eyes I tried to commit it to memory, the way he felt, the way he smelt, everything. Perhaps one day it wouldn't be too painful to remember.

"Bella, I've missed you so much." He began to kiss me, his lips trailing from my lips down my neck but my mind refused to let my body respond. I pushed him away and moved to sit on the couch. He looked surprised but sat down next to me. I scooted away from him as his legs touched mine. The less contact there was the easier this would be.

"I'm sorry, I know I haven't been the most attentive boyfriend lately. I've missed you so much." He tried to kiss me again and I moved backwards avoiding him.

"Is there a particular reason why you haven't been around? One minute we are spending all our free time together and then suddenly you disappear." He looked flustered by my reaction. I could tell that he was debating something.

"Well this wasn't how I was planning on doing it but no time like the present." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a box. He got down on one knee in front of me and opened it up.

"Bella will you marry me?" It was the last thing I had expected to hear from him. I looked at him, sitting on one knee in front of me, a huge smile on his face and I wanted so badly to say yes, to build a future with him. Yet I couldn't forget the feelings that had consumed me these past few weeks and although I knew it would hurt I had my answer.

"No. No Edward I won't marry you."

_A/N – Yes I am leaving you there. I am reworking the next chapter and I will be back soon. I hope you understand the reasons behind this! Thanks again for reading._

_Jaime_


	23. Why?

_A/N – Well I am back! Thank you for all the feedback on the last chapter. Especially those who understood where I was coming from._

_A huge thank you to Tiggrmommi and without further ado…here goes._

BPOV

A smile broke across his face and he moved up to kiss me and then my answer sunk in. He looked hurt as he stayed down on his knees in front of me. I didn't even look at the box in his hands, didn't want to see what I was refusing.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" He looked shocked, as if he didn't believe my response.

"I said no Edward." He looked stricken and looked down at the box in his hands. He closed it and then opened it again as if he hoped that he still hadn't heard me correctly.

"That was what I had thought. Why?" He was still on the ground and the sight of him sitting there looking so lost was more than I could bear so I pulled on him and patted the couch next to me. He closed the box in his hands and I caught the faintest glimpse of a diamond before it was hidden from view.

"Edward these past few weeks…" He cut me off before I could get further than that.

"I've been looking for a ring, trying to find the perfect one for you. Just look at it." I stopped him before he could open the box again. I had only so much willpower.

"That isn't necessary. These past few weeks have been very hard on me Edward." He leaned in closer to me as if he could force me to understand him just through sheer proximity.

"I know that I have been distant Bella, I know that I wasn't around but I wanted to make this perfect and I was afraid that if I was around you too much I would give something away." He was pleading with me, trying to find the words that would make me understand.

"It wasn't your distance that worried me. It was my reaction to it." He looked confused and so I tried to explain myself. "As soon as you pulled away Edward I started wondering what was going on, wondering if you had found someone else, if I wasn't enough. "

"There could never be anyone else Bella. I love you and only you. It has always been you." He tried to kiss me and I pushed him away because I had to get this out. I couldn't let him distract me from the words that I needed to say.

"I didn't know what to believe Edward and suddenly I was that young girl again. Insecure and hurt and I didn't like it. I didn't like that the first place my mind went when something happened was to question my worth. I can't live like that Edward, I can't be in a relationship where I constantly worry that I am not good enough. I thought I was over it but I don't think that I am." Brushing away the tears that had fallen from my eyes I dared to look up at him.

"What can I do to prove to you Bella? What can I do to show you that I will never do that again? I love you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I'm sorry that I have been distant, I regret it now but please don't push me away." He grabbed my hands in his and pulled me against him. "I will never hurt you like that again Bella. NEVER do you understand me?"

"I believe you mean that." At least I thought I did. I didn't think that he was capable of hurting me like he had in the past but my heart was wary of getting broken again. It took everything I had to let him in again and I was drained from these past few weeks of doubting myself.

"You believe that I mean that?" His voice was laced with hurt. "What can I do to prove it to you Bella? What can I do to make you see that you are the only person I want, the only person I need, the only one I will ever look at?"

"I don't know. I thought I was okay, I thought I was over it. I don't think I can keep doing this." No longer could I hide my tears, I broke down. The tears falling fast and hot down my face.

"What do you mean Bella? You can't keep doing this?" I couldn't look at him. If I did I would never be able to get the words out.

"I don't think I can keep living every day wondering if something is going on every time you work late, every time you don't answer my phone call. It isn't fair to either of us." His hurt was fading and he was looking angry now.

"What isn't fair is that you aren't willing to give this a chance Bella! I will do whatever it takes to not lose you again. I want to be with you forever, I want you to be the first thing I see when I wake up in the morning and the last thing I see when I go to sleep at night. Don't you understand that Bella? Don't you understand that we belong together? I lost you once and I'm not about to let it happen again." His hands tightened around mine but I didn't pull away.

"Don't you see though Edward, you shouldn't have to prove anything to me? We shouldn't have to constantly live in the shadow of the past. It isn't fair to either of us to always have to second guess what the other one is thinking or feeling." He let go of my hands and used his fingers to wipe away my tears.

"So then we just give up? I don't think so. You don't have to second guess anything Bella. I love you, I've always loved you. That is all that matters. There are no questions and there should be no doubt. I love you." His face was determined and I knew that he wasn't going to make this easy.

"I don't want to be hurt again Edward." The words were low and I wasn't sure if he would be able to hear me. I was surprised at the anger in his voice when he responded.

"So you are willing to give up? You are going to save yourself a lifetime of hurt by never allowing yourself to live?" He let go of my hands and his fingers clenched into fists. "I can't promise I will never hurt you again Bella, I've told you that. But I can promise you that I will never do something so malicious and unforgivable again. Will I work late sometimes? Yes, yes I will. Will I miss some of your phone calls? Of course! But never once should you doubt my commitment to you."

He lifted my face so that I was forced to look into his eyes.

"Look at me and tell me you don't love me. Tell me that you don't see a future with me and I will walk away right now and never come back." His eyes bored into mine and I tried to lie but I couldn't.

"I don't….I can't….I won't…." His eyes never wavered from mine as I tried in vain.

"You can't say it can you?" His eyes softened as he gave me more time to say the words that wouldn't come out. "I love you Bella, I will love you every day for the rest of my life. I am willing to wait for however long it takes for you to realize that you feel the same way."

I did love him, I couldn't imagine a life without him but I didn't want to live with the doubt either.

"I can't keep feeling like this though Edward. It isn't fair to either of us." It was a no win situation. "I just need some time please. I need to figure out what I want." I could tell that he had no intention of leaving but he had to. "Please Edward, please go."

He stood up and walked to the door. Stopping before he turned the knob he looked back at me. "I am leaving because you are asking me to, not because I am giving up. I will give you time but know that I will be here for you. Just say the word." I nodded, unable to trust my voice to say anything. "I love you Bella." He walked out the door and with that he was gone. The sound of the door closing echoed throughout the empty room.

Standing up I wandered to my room, falling into bed and cried myself to sleep. I thought I was doing the right thing but why did I feel so miserable. I would figure it out in the morning. There was nothing that could be done now. When I woke up I would decide what I was going to do with my life.

_I know…I know but I promise I will update again soon. Thanks for understanding her reasons in advance._

_Jaime_


End file.
